The Most Dangerous Thing You'll Ever Do

NOT FINISHED

Act 1 : Scene 1: The Bus Station
Amy Lynn Tal Vez, Chessie Tal Vez, Bridget Ignoretti, Micahlo Ignoretti

CURTAINS OPEN
The year is 1999. The scene is a crowded bus station in downstate New York. The background is a faded New York City skyline. People (random actors) quickly walk across the stage. Nineteen year old AMY LYNN TAL VEZ and her sister, twenty-one year old CHESSIE TAL VEZ are both standing, with their luggage. Once there is a gap in people, (about twenty seconds after the curtains open), they walk to stage front.

AMY LYNN TAL VEZ
We’re here. We’re finally here. New York. We haven’t seen Dad since Mom and him divorced in 1986.

AMY LYNN is a pretty girl, however short for her age, looks older than she really is. She has glasses and wavy dirty blonde hair. She is a little naïve, but is constantly learning throughout the play. She is a very comical character, and is always joking around, and sometimes doesn’t see the serious side of life, which CHESSIE is constantly living in. She also forgets things easily.


CHESSIE TAL VEZ
Dramatically You were six years old.

AMY LYNN
Laughing You were eight. I’m glad we’re in New York. We’re going to get to go to Manhattan and Long Island and see Daddy... she trails off, and looks across the stage, left and right. I’m pretty sure we’ll have more chances here.

CHESSIE
Looks at Amy Lynn quizzically What do you mean?

AMY LYNN
I mean that – looks at sky

CHESSIE
Jokingly What? You mean that it’s going to rain?

AMY LYNN
Confused Rain? It looks like it’s going to snow.

CHESSIE
Do you even know what snow is?

AMY LYNN
I know it snows in New York a lot.

CHESSIE
Yeah, Amy Lynn, in the fall and winter. It’s July. It doesn’t snow in July.

AMY LYNN
How do you know?


CHESSIE
New York isn’t an entirely new world, Amy Lynn, we came from Arizona. It’s hot in Arizona in July, it’s hot in New York in July.

CHESSIE is two years older than her sister, AMY LYNN.  She’s smart, practical, and usually has a sarcastic undertone. She has a better sense of the world than AMY LYNN does, and is smarter. Unlike AMY LYNN, she’s brunette, and her hair is pin straight, and she doesn’t talk as much around people.

AMY LYNN
It’s 74 degrees out. In Arizona, it was 102 degrees out. That’s why I thought it was going to snow.

CHESSIE
It snows when it’s in the thirties, Amy Lynn, not in the seventies. Now what were you saying about having more chances?

AMY LYNN
Remembering Oh, yeah. I mean that we’ll have more chances to fall in love.

CHESSIE
Plainly I was in love.

AMY LYNN
Todd Brigham doesn’t count as love, Chessie.

CHESSIE
Annoyed How doesn’t he?

AMY LYNN
Rolls her eyes, in a sarcastic tone One thing, you broke up with him!


CHESSIE
Stares at Amy Lynn like she’s an idiot Well of course I did! We’re a hundred thousand miles away from him right now! And I’m going to get back together with him the minute we go back to Arizona!

AMY LYNN
Smiling You need to learn so much about love, Chessie.

CHESSIE
Confused What is that supposed to –

Enter stage left BRIDGET IGNORETTI 
A woman in her mid thirties runs across the stage. She has blonde hair, and olive skin.  She pushes CHESSIE out of the way, and as she runs, she drops her purse. AMY LYNN picks up the purse.

AMY LYNN
Shocked Miss! Miss!

CHESSIE gets up, and looks at BRIDGET in shock.

BRIDGET IGNORETTI
Furiously Give me that! violently grabs the purse from AMY LYNN. What is wrong with you! Runs, pushing CHESSIE down again.

Exit stage right, Bridget Ignoretti

Enter MICAHLO IGNORETTI
A man runs, and gives up. He is tall, has olive skin, and has black hair.

MICAHLO IGNORETTI
Has a noticeable Italian accent Bridget! Bridget! Helps CHESSIE up, who is still on the ground. Have any of you two ladies seen a tall, dismal, woman? 

AMY LYNN
Sarcastically Who? Sunshine? Yeah, she just ran through here, knocking my sister down twice.

MICAHLO
Apologetically Oh no, I’m sorry, ladies. I don’t know what happened, we got in a fight, and she got mad, and then she realized that she was late to her show and –”

AMY LYNN
Interrupting Show? To CHESSIE Show means actors! And all actors are gorgeous!

CHESSIE
Not surprised, but pretends to be so Amy Lynn! That’s –

AMY LYNN
Ignores and interrupts CHESSIE Is she an actress?

MICAHLO
Confused Actress? No. She’s a supermodel. My name’s Micahlo Ignoretti. I’m her manager...

AMY LYNN
Deviously smiles So... flirtatiously manager ... so does that mean you work with the models a lot? Are they pretty?

MICAHLO
Looks at Amy Lynn strangely Well of course I do. I see the beauty in every woman I talk to.

AMY LYNN
To CHESSIE He’s pretty cute. You think I’d stand a chance with him?

CHESSIE
Doesn’t want to say it um, Amy Lynn ...

MICAHLO
Continuing That’s probably why Bridget got so mad at me, though.

AMY LYNN
Why would she get mad at you over that?


MICAHLO
Why wouldn’t ... she? Laughs awkwardly

AMY LYNN
Persistent because your only her manager.

MICAHLO
And she’s my –

AMY LYNN
And because you’re her manager, she obviously knows that you’re going to have to work with lots of woman. Beautiful woman. Like myself. Who are looking for gorgeous men. Like yourself.

CHESSIE groans. MICAHLO is silent, and turns his head. AMY LYNN looks at them, confused. Then she is instantaneously hit by realization. She lowers her head and shoulders, and looks at the ground.
MICAHLO
I don’t know how to say this, um, um ... 

CHESSIE
Amy Lynn.

MICAHLO
Amy Lynn, um –

AMY LYNN
Sadly She’s your wife, isn’t she. That’s awkward. MICAHLO nods. CHESSIE looks at the ground, embarrassed. AMY LYNN suddenly, her spirits lifted. Well, what am I going to do? She turns to leave.

MICAHLO
Restlessly  Wait!

AMY LYNN
Impatiently What?

MICAHLO
Softly kisses her hand You are a very beautiful woman, Amy Lynn. And I would like to see you again, but –

AMY LYNN
Softly I understand, you cannot.


MICHALO
Smiles Ciao, Amy Lynn. Quickly exits stage right. AMY LYNN sighs. Both girls pick up their suitcases and exits stage left.

CURTAINS CLOSE

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Act 1: Scene 2: The Restaurant
Amy Lynn Tal Vez, Chessie Tal Vez, John, Christian Tal Vez

CURTAINS OPEN
There are tables and chairs set up. In the background, Montevillo’s is written backwards on a window. There is a door next to the Montevillo’s sign, which opens, and enter Amy Lynn and Chessie.

AMY LYNN
Loudly. Montevillos! Other patrons around the room look at her.

CHESSIE
It’s pronounced Monty-veeyos.

AMY LYNN
Quickly takes her seat. I’m not New Yorkan! Or Manhattanan! Or whatever it is!

Enter John. John is a handsome waiter in his twenties. Noticeable Brooklyn accent.

JOHN
Sarcastically I can tell. Smiles. I’m John, and I’ll be your waiter tonight. By the way, “New Yorkan isn’t a word. It New Yorker. Where are you from, Miz?

AMY LYNN
My name isn’t Miz. It’s Amy Lynn. My sister and I are from Arizona.

JOHN
Smiling.  I can really tell yous two aren’t from ‘round here.

AMY LYNN
I just said that. We’re from Arizona. Looks at Chessie He’s cute. Really cute. Really cute.

JOHN
Where from?

AMY LYNN
Agitatedly Arizona!

John gives Amy Lynn a look. He looks at Chessie as to say, are you at least smarter than this one here?

CHESSIE
Helping out Amy Lynn. He means where in Arizona. We’re from Fremont.

AMY LYNN
Well I could of answered that!

Chessie smirks.

JOHN
Well, Amy Lynn, this is Long Island. Laughs ladies, what’dll you like? Takes out a notepad.

AMY LYNN
Lovey-dovey, dopy You.

CHESSIE
Embarrassed We’re actually waiting for someone. He’s gonna be here in a few minutes –

The door opens. Enter Christian Tal Vez. 

AMY LYNN AND CHESSIE
Excitedly Daddy!

Christian Tal Vez is an older man, in his sixties. He’s graying and losing his hair, and has put on a little bit of weight. He wears a gold cross necklace and a suit.

CUSTOMER
Smiling Johnny, Daddy Tal Vez is their father, you better be on your best behavior!
John tucks his shirt into his pants.

CHRISTIAN
Sits down with girls. How are you my sweeties? I haven’t seen yous in thirteen years, I didn’t even recognize yous at first! I got yous each presents that I thinks you’re gonna like! Hands each of the girls a rolled up wad of cash. $10 grand each.

AMY LYNN
Excitedly Daddy, your rich?!

CHRISTIAN
Well of course I am! I’m the richest in Manhattan! How do you think your Mamma’s been living for the past thirteen years?



CHESSIE
Cautiously Daddy, is that exactly safe, handing us that money like that, and announcing it? I don’t want to be mugged.

CHRISTIAN
Patting Chessie on the head. Chèsara, we’re in Long Island.

CHESSIE
Not exactly sure of what Christian means. Oh Daddy. Sweetly laughs.

AMY LYNN
Introducing John Daddy, this John, our waiter. I really like him!

JOHN
Shyly Hello, sir.

CHRISTIAN
loudly I know who John is! To John I know you John, I know you well. If you lay one finger on my daughters, you’ll be screwed over. For you pal, living will be the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done in your life. I’m the most important man in this town, and I saw that look you gave Amy Lynn and Chèsara.

JOHN
Angrily I didn’t give them no look!

CHRISTIAN
Yes you did.

JOHN
Defiantly Chèsara? That’s a beautiful name.

CHESSIE
Thank you. I hate it. I’m usually called Chessie.


CHRISTIAN
Chèsara! Now look you, John. Shoo! Before I get the manager! And don’t you ever say you hate your name, Chèsara! It’s purely Austrian and Colombian, the countries of my ancestry!

Exit John

AMY LYNN
Close to tears Daddy!

CHRISTIAN 
Honeys, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with that boy. He’s a looker, you know, girls, and haven’t I told you before? No men.

AMY LYNN
But Daddy! I’m an adult!

CHRISTIAN
Clarifying You’re a teenager, Amy Lynn.

AMY LYNN
To Chessie Well now I know why Momma left him. To Christian I’m nineteen,  Daddy! Almost twenty!

CHRISTIAN
Yes, Amy Lynn. Nineteen. Well you act like you’re thirteen.

AMY LYNN
What about Chessie? She’s twenty-one, and she’s had lots of boyfriends!

Chessie blushes.

CHRISTIAN
Angrily What was that, Chèsara?


CHESSIE
Oh Daddy, you know that’s not true. Not true. Not true. Not a daughter of Daddy Christian Tal Vez would do that. Hard Not like this one over here. Nods to Amy Lynn. She’s already fallen in love with two guys here!

AMY LYNN
So? Chessie’s had four boyfriends at once back at home!

CHESSIE
I did not! So immature!

AMY LYNN
Then take back what you said!

CHESSIE
No! Are you trying to get us killed? To Christian Amy Lynn already tried to get Micahlo Ignoretti to date her, and she’s been pretty mushy with John.

CHRISTIAN
Turning red. His eyes are popping out of his face, and are wide open. He’s about to explode in fury, but instead grabs both of the girls and stands up. What was that Chessie? Straining not to scream. To Amy Lynn. You were sweet on Micahlo Ignoretti? And John?! You are a daughter of Christian Favaro Tal Vez, and you will behave like a daughter of Christian Favaro Tal Vez! Do you understand me, Amy Lynn Tal Vez?

AMY LYNN
Inaudibly Yes sir.

CHRISTIAN
So mad that he’s sweating What was that?!


AMY LYNN
Louder Yes sir.

CHRISTIAN
And you, Chèsara?

CHESSIE
Yes sir.

CHRISTIAN
Grumbling This is ridiculous. I haven’t seen my own daughters in thirteen years, and this is the respect I get when I see them. Ridiculous. Now out to the car!


CHESSIE
Excuse me?

CHRISTIAN
Screaming Out to the car!

Exit Chessie, Amy Lynn, Christian. The customers watch as the three exit.
CURTAINS CLOSE

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Act 1: Scene 3: The Plaza
Chessie Tal Vez, Amy Lynn Tal Vez,  Max Brown

CURTAINS OPEN
It is the 4th of July. There are flags, along with a banner that says HAPPY 4TH OF JULY! Amy Lynn is wearing a red top and striped red and white pants with gigantic black sunglasses with mini-flags sticking out of them and sandals. Her hair is up in a ponytail. Chessie thinks that her sister looks ridiculous. She does look ridiculous. Chessie is wearing a black sweater, jeans, and flip flops. Her hands are in her pockets. Several people walk frantically behind the two girls.
CHESSIE
You look ridiculous.

AMY LYNN
You look like you’re freezing.

CHESSIE
I am freezing.

AMY LYNN
Aren’t you the one who said that it’s hot in New York in July?

CHESSIE
Shut up. I don’t feel good. And isn’t it red, white, and blue?

AMY LYNN
Huh?

CHESSIE
Your clothes. There is blue in the American flag. And take the stupid sunglasses off. You look ridiculous.

AMY LYNN
But they’re so cute!

All the actors and actresses walking behind Amy Lynn and Chessie suddenly stop.

EVERYONE except for AMY LYNN
No, they’re not!

The walkers continue walking.

Enter Max Brown
Max Brown is in his late twenties. He has messy dark brown hair, and a tan face and glasses. He’s nerdy, cute, not handsome. He rushes across the stage, accidentally pushing Chessie down as he runs. Chessie screams.

CHESSIE
Am I going to get pushed down every time I go out in public?!

BROWN
Apologetically I’m so sorry! Helps Chessie up. I’m so sorry, miss. I really didn’t mean it. I just don’t want to be late to work –

AMY LYNN
Here we go again...

BROWN
I’m just so, so sorry, ma’am. I’m just so sorry.

CHESSIE
It’s okay. I’m tough.

BROWN
Looks over Chessie. Are you sure you’re okay? Shakes his head in shame. I can’t believe I just did that.

AMY LYNN
Excitedly Hi! I’m Amy Lynn!

BROWN
Completely ignores Amy Lynn. Carefully studies Chessie. You two aren’t from Long Island, are you? Vacation?

AMY LYNN
Whiny Why does everyone keep saying that?

CHESSIE
Probably because normal people don’t run up to someone and go mockingly Hi! I’m Amy Lynn! To Brown we’re from Arizona. Our father lives here.



BROWN
I figured somewhere out west. I didn’t mean to say that you didn’t sound like you were from New York, I just meant that you’ve got a nice southwestern tan. When I go to California, people don’t ask me where I’m from because I have a natural tan.

CHESSIE
Thanks. Aren’t you going to be late for work, though, sir?

BROWN
It’s okay, I can be a few minutes. I’m just so sorry that I pushed you. I’m going to have to make it up to you.

CHESSIE
Really sir, I’m fine.

BROWN
Here, you don’t need to call nobody sir. I’m Max Brown. You can just call me Max.

CHESSIE
I’m Chessie.

BROWN
Chessie? That’s an unusual name.

CHESSIE
No more unusual than Max. Shy laugh. Chessie’s short for Chèsara, which I hate. I’m Chessie Tal Vez.

BROWN
Chessie, pretty. You’re a Tal Vez, eh? Nobody usually likes to mess with Daddy Tal Vez. Unless they got a death wish against the rich bastard. No offense, y’know.

AMY LYNN
Muttering We already figured that out the hard way.

BROWN
Still ignoring Amy Lynn I’m guessing she’s your friend?

AMY LYNN
I’m her sister!

Unbelieving; Brown holds a finger up to say something.

CHESSIE
Interrupting him Really, Mr. Brown, she’s my sister.

BROWN
Wow, I push you down, insult your father, and think that your sister is totally unrelated to you. I’m a horrible guy, y’know, Chessie. Laughs. And just call me Max, please, Chessie. First name basis, okay? Laughs Listen, I really got to make it up for you. I’ll take you somewhere, ‘kay?

CHESSIE
I’m not sure that’s such a good idea – I mean with my dad –

AMY LYNN
Oh shut up about the old poosh. Just let him take you somewhere nice! He did push you down and nearly run you over!

BROWN
Muttering way to rub it in. To Chessie Chessie, I’m going to take you to the Amour des Fourchettes. It’s French. Whoever thought of it thought it was a good name, but it really means Love of Forks in English.

Chessie laughs, and Amy Lynn laughs a high-pitched giggle.



AMY LYNN
Ha, ha, ha, you are so funny, Max! slaps him flirtatiously on shoulder And now that you two are made up, hi! I’m Amy Lynn! And you have the nicest green eyes I’ve ever seen.

Chessie pushes Amy Lynn out of the way.

BROWN
Pleadingly Please, Chessie Tal Vez. Amour des Fourchettes, Saturday night at 8 pm sharp.

CHESSIE
But I don’t know where the Amour des Fourchettes is.

BROWN
Mysteriously Yes you do know, Chessie Tal Vez. And I will see you there. quickly exits left.

CHESSIE
Frantically Mr. Brown – uh - ! Max! Wait!

EXIT stage right Max Brown

AMY LYNN
Bye! To Chessie dun, dun, dun makes a pathetic sad face. Suddenly smiles So, do you like him?

CHESSIE
He’s a nerd!

AMY LYNN
So? Nerds can be good kissers. And they can teach you anything. Well not street anything, but computer anything -

CHESSIE
Interrupting He is cute, but I’m not going to die over him the way you nearly did for Micahlo Ignoretti and John.

AMY LYNN
He’s definitely cute! So, you won’t mind if I ask him out?

CHESSIE
Yes I’ll mind! Stop being such a – what’s a nice way to put this – etchy person!

AMY LYNN
I’m not being etchy! I don’t even know what that means!

CHESSIE
Being so ... uh... out there! Besides, he’s probably married like Ignoretti was.

AMY LYNN
He’s not married! If he was, he wouldn’t have been so precariously hitting on you like that!

CHESSIE
He wasn’t hitting on me, he was doing an act of kindness. A close act of kindness.

AMY LYNN
Smiling, stretching it out Saturday night, after your date, he’ll be giving you an intimate act of kindness, and you gotta tell me all about it. Smiles a huge smile.

CHESSIE
Amy Lynn! Dad would kill me!

AMY LYNN
Better after than before! Laughs hysterically

The sisters exit stage right, laughing. It seems that Chessie is in a much better mood than she was at the beginning of the scene.
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Act 1: Scene 4: The Park (Two days later)
Amy Lynn Tal Vez, random actors, CJ Sanderson

There is a fountain set up in the middle of the scene. It is a Long Island park, and there are park benches. Amy Lynn is sitting on one of these benches.

AMY LYNN
I need to fall in love with somebody! Maybe today? maybe today
I need to fall in love with somebody?
Chessie don’t think it love, Chessie don’t think it love
I think it love
I wanna fall in love
Pointing to actors walking around With you! or you! or you! or you!
I wanna fall in love
With you! or you! or you! or you!

Enter CJ Sanderson. CJ is tall, in his late twenties, and has dark hair.

SANDERSON
I need to get away from somebody!
I need to clear my mind, today! today! today! today!
I need to get away from somebody!
I thought it love, she hates it anyway!
I need to get away from somebody!

AMY LYNN
Or you! or you! or you! points to Sanderson

SANDERSON
What about me?

AMY LYNN
Oh nothin. I was just singing about people.

SANDERSON
Really? I was singing about people too!

AMY LYNN
Wow, we have so much in common. My name’s Amy Lynn Tal Vez. Daddy Tal Vez is my father. Everyone’s afraid of him. But I’m not. I just think he’s a big – maybe I shouldn’t say it.

SANDERSON
Everyone is afraid of Daddy. I’m CJ Sanderson. Nice to meet you Amy Lynn.

AMY LYNN
Say that again, please?

SANDERSON
Um, okay, Nice to meet you, Amy Lynn.

AMY LYNN
To herself Ahh, it’s just lovely the way he says my name sighs

SANDERSON
Why?

AMY LYNN
oh nothing, smiles

SANDERSON
I know you said you’re Daddy Tal Vez’s daughter, but Daddy Tal Vez has been alone for years.

AMY LYNN
Viciously YOU THINK I’M A LIAR? Calmly yeah, we’ve just been living in Arizona for thirteen years. My mother and Daddy divorced in 1986. I was six years old. My sister Chessie was eight. Shows Sanderson her drivers’ license.

CJ Sanderson is a little taken aback by Amy Lynn’s outburst, so he doesn’t say anything. He just stares into Amy Lynn’s eyes.

AMY LYNN
What? I’m sorry if I scared you. I’m just hyper like that. don’t worry, I’m not mean or bipolar or anything like that.

SANDERSON
Oh sorry, I was just thinking you have nice eyes.

AMY LYNN
Thank you! You have really nice eyes too.

SANDERSON
Really? My eyes are what? Gray? I don’t even know.

AMY LYNN
Leans in awfully close to Sanderson and peers into his eyes. They’re light blue. Mine are brown. Bor-ing.

SANDERSON
I personally believe that brown is the prettiest eye color. You have very pretty eyes.

AMY LYNN
Well thank you Brandon.

SANDERSON
It’s CJ.

AMY LYNN
CJ

SANDERSON
Let’s sit down, my feet are getting tired. Amy Lynn and CJ both sit down on one of the park benches. Amy Lynn is sitting cross-legged, obviously already in love with CJ, she’s staring deeply into his light blue eyes.So, why don’t you tell me about yourself, Amy Lynn, other than the fact that you’re the daughter of the richest, strictest, most important man in Manhattan.

AMY LYNN
I’m only nineteen years old, but I act – I mean look - like I’m twenty-four. I’m fun-loving and stuff, and I have an older sister Chessie. Get this, she calls it Womanhattan! Laughs obnoxiously. Takes out a cigarette. Smoke?

SANDERSON
Nah, I don’t smoke.

AMY LYNN
Well, neither do I! Throws cigarette over shoulder.

SANDERSON
How long are you staying in New York?

AMY LYNN
Well, I’m here for a few months, I guess. But I’m really want to get married to someone. And with my Daddy being rich and all, I’m also looking to making a few “side dollars” if that’s what you call it. Except knowing my Daddy, he won’t allow me to borrow lots of money. I’ll ask him for ten dollars, sure he’ll give it to me. If I ask him for a hundred thousand dollars, he’ll tell me: Amy Lynn, you’re in Long Island! Get yourself a stinking job! I’ve been here for a week, and he already hates me. Probably because I’ve gotten Micahlo Ignoretti to kiss my hand! And I’d only been in New York City for twenty minutes! Does he live around here for any chance?

SANDERSON
Aye, aye, aye, your father sounds like a tough cookie. The supermodel manager and fashion designer Micahlo Ignoretti has already kissed you, and you’re only nineteen?! Wow. Oh yes, he lives around here. Every rich person in New York lives in Long Island.

AMY LYNN
He didn’t tell me he was a fashion designer. Do you live in Long Island?

SANDERSON
Of course I live here! Where did you think I lived? Albany? Syracuse? Laughs loudly.

AMY LYNN
Ignorantly no, I’ve never been to Canada before. Sanderson gives her a weird look. Besides the point, I thought that you didn’t live here. And that would make me sad, because I’d probably never see you again.

SANDERSON
hugs Amy Lynn tightly. We’re on an island, Amy Lynn, I think I’ll see you again.

AMY LYNN
I hope so. I have a question. Do you know where the Amour des Fourchettes is?

SANDERSON
Oh, 255 Jonathan St. I can’t go there with you, but I know a great martini bar where we can hang out sometime. It’s called Violetta Blue. You’d love it. The club is just your style.

AMY LYNN
What about your style?

SANDERSON
It’s definitely my type.

AMY LYNN
Oh. You just don’t seem like the wild type.

SANDERSON
ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?

AMY LYNN
You’re definitely my type.

CURTAINS CLOSE.

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...

Act 1: Scene 5: Friday Night
Amy Lynn Tal Vez, Chessie Tal Vez, Christian Tal Vez

CURTAINS OPEN
Amy Lynn and Daddy Tal Vez are in kitchen. They are talking and making gestures, but we cannot hear what they are saying. There is a fancy table in the center of the room, and fancy dining chairs. There is a refrigerator and a stove off to the side.

Enter Chessie Tal Vez

CHESSIE
Daddy, can I ask you a question?

CHRISTIAN
Sure honey. What do you need?

CHESSIE
Do you know where the Amour des Fourchettes is?

CHRISTIAN
The restaurant?

AMY LYNN
Sarcastically No , the city dump. To Chessie 255 Jonathan Street.

CHESSIE
How did you know that?

AMY LYNN
Excitedly, flapping hands I met this really cute –  Stops suddenly, noticing Christian’s menacing glare
I met this – informer – who talked to me – personally – about the restaurant.
Christian doesn’t say anything but crosses arms and continues to glare at Amy Lynn.
Angrily oh, c’mon Daddy! CJ’s really cute and really nice, and I really think that you would really like him. Really!

CHRISTIAN
Ignores Amy Lynn Chèsara, why did you need to know about the Amour des Fourchettes?

Amy Lynn glares.

CHESSIE
I’m going there with some ... friends of mine.


CHRISTIAN
Inquisitively Friends? What kind of friends?

AMY LYNN
Madly she’s going there with totally gorgeous Max Brown on a date!

CHRISTIAN
Chèsara!

CHESSIE
Amy Lynn!


AMY LYNN
What? It’s the truth! The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Chessie groans.

CHRISTIAN
Chèsara, if you want to be that way –

AMY LYNN
Interrupting Christian Oh yeah Daddy, can I have a $100? I’m going to Violetta Blue with CJ tonight.

CHRISTIAN
Girls! Sit down.

CHESSIE
Determinedly Daddy. No! I’m sick of this. I’m only going with a friend, Daddy. Max and I are in no sort of relationship at all. So just calm down, please!

CHRISTIAN
Chèsara! I don’t care who you’re going with. Either of you. But the point is that you’re both going out with male friends. Male friends turn into boyfriends, boyfriends turn into trouble. No men, no trouble.

AMY LYNN
Muttering There’s only one man causing trouble around here.

CHRISTIAN
What was that?

AMY LYNN
Nothing, Daddy.

CHRISTIAN
Strongly Amy Lynn, I don’t want you going to Violetta Blue tonight. You’re grounded. Chèsara, I don’t want you to go to the Amour des Fourchettes tomorrow night. You are also grounded.

CHESSIE
Daddy! I’m twenty-one!

CHRISTIAN
I don’t care how old you are!

AMY LYNN
Daddy, how are we supposed to get married?

CHRISTIAN
Your husband will be a wealthy, kind, gentleman, not some sleazy slum you pick off the streets of New York, Amy Lynn.

CHESSIE
Grumbling we’re never going to get married.

AMY LYNN
You got that right, sister.

CHRISTIAN
The only boy you’ll be seeing here is Jimmy!

AMY LYNN
Ooh, Jimmy. Who’s he?

CHESSIE
Amy Lynn!

CHRISTIAN
Jimmy’s the servant boy. You’re not going to be doing anything with him, because he’s only sixteen.

AMY LYNN
Well, I do operate within an adjustable age limits. No younger than fourteen, no older than forty –

CHESSIE AND CHRISTIAN
AMY LYNN!


AMY LYNN
Jeez, I was just kidding!

CHESSIE
I didn’t know we had a servant.

CHRISTIAN
He’s a little wax-headed, y’know. He’s actually been in Dartsmouth the last few weeks, so he wasn’t here for your arrival. He’s been busy. His mother’s been ill, so he’s been being tutored by Mrs. Bess Rogers. You’ll get to meet Mrs. Rogers, she’s coming in a month. And he might just propose, you just watch.

AMY LYNN
To me?!

CHRISTIAN
No! To Mrs. Rogers!

AMY LYNN
Mrs.?

CHRISTIAN
Well, I admit. She’s been divorced for a year or too. But she will have no trouble finding a husband. She’s a pretty little blonde thing, she is.

AMY LYNN
How old is she? Three hundred?

CHRISTIAN
Amy Lynn!

AMY LYNN
I know my name! Muttering, disgustedly and I bet that she doesn’t get grounded for making friends.

CHESSIE
Daddy, I know you always think sweet of us, but isn't it time you grow up a little bit? Amy Lynn and I are not your sweet little 8 and 6 year old angels! You have to let us move on with our lives!

AMY LYNN
Excitedly yeah! You need to get up and smell the roses! If they have roses here. Maybe just rhododendrons...

CHRISTIAN
ENOUGH OF THAT! I don’t want any more talk about CJ or Max. I’ve been looking for husbands for you two girls since you’ve gotten here. I’ve found a multimillionaire for Chessie, Jeffrey DeLuica, and Amy Lynn, I think you’ll appreciate Stephen Groddinbergh.

AMY LYNN
Defiantly I’m not marrying ANYONE with the last name Groddinbergh. Amy Lynn Groddinbergh. Nope. Not my stuff.

CHESSIE
Laughs quietly What about Amy Lynn Ignoretti? Chessie DeLuica is okay, but –

CHRISTIAN
- But nothing! Amy Lynn, my daughter, you are a very soft-hearted young woman, but you are also racked with ignorance.

AMY LYNN
To Chessie was that supposed to be a compliment, or?

CHESSIE
To Christian Daddy, why are you just telling us now that we’re getting arranged marriages?

AMY LYNN
Shocked ARRANGED MARRIAGES?


CHESSIE
Seriously, Amy Lynn, did you just hear a word of that conversation?

AMY LYNN
Confused no, I thought Daddy was joking! I didn’t think we are actually getting married to these guys! I thought he just wanted us to meet them! How old are these guys?!

CHRISTIAN
It doesn’t matter how old they are, the only thing that matters is that they are rich. Jeffrey DeLuica is the manager of a software company, and Stephen Groddinbergh is a surgeon.

AMY LYNN
You definitely did not answer my question.

CHESSIE
Daddy, money isn't everything in a relationship. What if Amy Lynn and I don’t like these guys? What we get divorced and lose all our money?

CHRISTIAN
Puts a hand on Chessie’s shoulder Chèsara, please, don’t think like that. I don’t care if you like them or not. There’s going to be no divorces, because both men know that your father is the most important man in Long  Island.

AMY LYNN
Serious, for once You know what, I’m sick of this.

CHESSIE AND CHRISTIAN
Both surprised What?

AMY LYNN
Accusingly I’m not going to let my father boss me around anymore because I’m an adult. Daddy, I don’t care if your Stephen guy has all the money in the world, I refuse to marry him. First off, I don’t even know him. I want to marry someone who I’m going to love and cherish being with all my life. Daddy, why don’t you understand?! Why don’t you understand that money isn’t everything! STOP TREATING US LIKE WE’RE SIX! Because we’re not! We’re adults, we’re old enough to make our own decisions! And you’re right! If we do screw up, it’s our own fault! Because if you don’t let us actually live, what’s the point of being Daddy Tal Vez’s daughter? Because, right now, I sure wish I wasn’t! storms off, furiously. EXIT Amy Lynn, stage left

CHRISTIAN
Angrily What’s her problem?

CHESSIE
Glares What’s her problem? I agree with her. Exit stage left.
CHRISTIAN puts his head down.

CURTAINS CLOSE

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Act 1: Scene 6: Friday Night
Amy Lynn Tal Vez, Chessie Tal Vez

Curtains Open
The room is a teenage style bedroom. There is a double bed, a bureau, stuffed animals everywhere, a bean bag chair, and television and an open window with curtains. There’s a suitcase on the floor.
Enter AMY LYNN stage right.

AMY LYNN
Furiously I HATE HIM! HE’S RUINING MY LIFE!
Starts taking clothes out of bureau
Enter CHESSIE stage right

CHESSIE
Shocked What are you doing?!

AMY LYNN
Leaving! I hate it here! I hate Daddy!

CHESSIE
Empathetically Amy Lynn... no...

AMY LYNN
I’m taking whatever I have left of my $10,000, and going to Violetta Blue with CJ tonight, and I’m leaving in the morning! Furiously shoves clothes into suitcase There’s a suitcase on the floor.
I was an idiot to think that it’d be okay to come to New York and live with this, this moron! I can’t take it anymore. I’m sneaking out, Chessie, I’m sneaking out. Starts to climb out the window

CHESSIE
Pulls Amy Lynn back inside the room. Amy, you’ve got to calm down. Amy Lynn, I know that you’re mad at Daddy right now, but you don’t hate him. He’s trying to do the best for us. Don’t leave New York, Amy Lynn.

AMY LYNN
Furiously You traitor!

CHESSIE
Excuse me?

AMY LYNN
So you’ve taken Daddy’s side! Chessie, I love CJ. I may have only known him for 10 minutes, but I just feel this, this, this bond between us! We’ve just got so much in common! And some dumb old guy who’s name I can’t even pronounce isn't going to marry me! Daddy’s not going to prevent me from seeing CJ.

CHESSIE
Sit down. Amy Lynn sits down on the bed. Listen. I’m not taking Daddy’s side. I’m not at all. But you’re not thinking. You can’t just go off and marry a guy you’ve known for ten minutes! Amy Lynn, you don’t know this guy.

AMY LYNN
Defiantly that’s why I’m going on a date with him. Today.
Now. Right now. C’mon Chess, I know that you’ve liked guys you known for short periods of times. You like Max.

CHESSIE
Max is a friend, and is not getting involved.

AMY LYNN
See! You’re blushing! You like Max! Admit it!

CHESSIE
Smiling fine. Fine, I’ll admit that I like Max once you admit that you’re a slut!

AMY LYNN
Playfully No way! I am not!

CHESSIE
If it weren’t for Daddy and me, and all the cute men moved to Australia, you’d date hobos, Amy Lynn!

AMY LYNN
No, I’d move to Australia!

CHESSIE
You’d get lost.

AMY LYNN
No, I’d date the hobos.

CHESSIE
Laughing. What?!

AMY LYNN
Thanks, Chessie.

CHESSIE
Confused, still laughing For what?

AMY LYNN
For everything. You can be pretty cool sometimes, Chessie. Hugs her sister. Reaches around and takes Chessie’s wallet. Yoink!

CHESSIE
Hey! Give that back!

AMY LYNN
Not until you apologize for calling me a slut!

CHESSIE
You better give me back that wallet, Amy Lynn, because you’re going to be late for your date with CJ. It’s 7:35. C’mon, sis, I’ll help you find out a slutty dress.

AMY LYNN
Tosses Chessie back her wallet and groans Thanks, Chessie.

Curtains close