The Tale of Red Worm

Day 1: I bought my new puppy Penny a stuffed toy at Petco today. He's a stuffed red weiner dog about two feet log and makes a cheerful squeaking noise when squeezed in the middle. Penny is going to love Red Dog.

Day 2: When I returned home from work today I noticed one of Red Dog's ears is missing. I figure my wife knows the story behind this and don't think to mention it at dinner.

Day 4: Red Dog's other ear is missing, and I found him in a puddle Penny left behind. I put him in the washer and ask my wife if she knows what happened to Red Dog's other ear. She tells me she didn't know he'd lost his other ear to begin with.

Day 5: Red Dog's squeaker doesn't work quite right after being washed. Now when I squeeze him, he makes a wheezy, raspy sound like he has emphysema. My wife saw him without his ears and laughed. His name is now Red Worm.

Day 7: I found Red Worm in a puddle again today. I'm being to wonder if Penny likes him very much. I throw him in the washer again. Now, when I squeeze him, he makes a wet gurgly croak. Gross.

Day 9: RIP Red Worm. In what I can only imagine was a prison-style attack, Penny ate Red Worm's face. White stuffing is everywhere.

Day 10: I bought my new puppy Penny a rawhide chew toy at Petco today.