A Good Porn

                                          A Good Porn



It was winter. Winter, almost getting bored of itself and was planning to retreat. We five guys were very curious on that last day of January, our curiosity was enhanced when the person nodded and handed over a CD. We brought it with us and got at one of the friend’s house. Now whose house was chosen very carefully, the one with least number of members, He must have got freedom, He must have been provided some privacy so that there shouldn’t be any accidental surprises. The one was found and luckily it was not me, though I vaguely fulfilled all criteria.

So we got there in that friend’s room and inserted that CD in the player and that thing started. Like all first things as for first love, first kiss, first bike etc. This first porn video too is special and close to my heart, it’s still afresh in my memory as frames of pictures.

It started with our sighs and oh’s but once it started we were engu lfed in it like ocean engulfs a sinking ship. In between we looked at each other and with so much of pressure and guilt feeling which we ought to have, we smiled. Some of us commented time and again and we laughed as we didn’t know how else to deal with our nervousness.

I think it was a foreign made video with some real hot European babe who showed little emotions in doing what she was doing. I expected her to behave a little differently though m not clear exactly what different. There was one stud too about whom I really don’t remember anything just the cuts in his body that was the result of regular working out I reckon.

I think the loveliest part was that girl undressing herself, I never saw a nude girl before that. Her body was strange and she seemed least concerned about that. She seemed to have a nice body, well toned and so slippery that I guess not a drop of water would stay, in fact it was shining, the glow was evident.

I asked myself does my class teacher would look like this behind her dress. I got no answer so I asked them and their reaction were all different as surprised, excited, disgusted etc. One of them replied not as good, other said a lot better than that.

Suddenly someone knocked at the door and it seemed all of our heartbeat stopped at once. Only an earth-quake or calamity of that magnitude would have prompted the action we enacted in a flash of second. Now we can laugh on that blaming on each-other that how afraid he got and how he jumped from bed to reading table and things like that.

It was his mother with some snacks for us, she looked at us and smiled and we smiled in return so that she can’t guess if anything wrong was going on. But it seems we over did that. She asked why the door was closed. And we all started looking at her son to whom she was asking. All he could gather he replied that since no one else get disturbed due to us. It was the smartest reply and that day i realised that a person perform best when he is in real pressure with no options left.

She said that there is no need to close the door and he agreed and she left. Before leaving the room she gave a look of suspicion on all of us while we were waiting for her to go. They say women sense it when someone cheats her. How true.

Well we had snacks and it was evident that we can’t continue from where we left so we just had snacks and chat about the lady in the video animatedly.

We returned the CD. I guess I got hallucinations of that video in coming weeks maybe months. The girl, her hour glass body, and her confidence everything was unseen to me. I thought would my class teacher too would do such things after her marriage. I couldn’t imagine, she was just too strict. But then I thought maybe she wouldn’t be so strict to elder men, yeah I saw her talking to other male teacher smilingly.   

It started a series of imagination concerning my class teacher, whenever I got time I use to compare my teacher doing things the girl in the video was doing. Once she beat me for not doing my homework, it caused some major hiccups in my imagining process as I realized she after all was not as nice as the girl in the video. Still her figure somewhat resembled that girl.

This was the primary effect; it took some time to evade. As we grew we turned more vocal toward our interest in sexual matter. Without a miss we always carried a sense of guilt on our conscience while talking about those exquisite stuffs.

I can’t exactly tell if over time the guilt lessened or we became more habitual in carrying that but we got more fluent without any big burden as such. We got book supply amongst us which had violently sexual literature. Many boys were not interested in such books primarily because those books didn’t contain explicit pictures and secondly because they thought reading course book would cultivate good marks and grades. The later reason was more of mitigation to me. Lack of picture was the real reason and to this date I believe that there are two types of people, one who needs explicitly sexual picture to excite them and other who have better imaginative power so they don’t need such pictures. They just read the story and get the pictures in mind.

Thankfully my imagination prowess was upgraded maybe among the best mostly because of the class-teacher. I always enjoyed reading sexual stories so much of so that I didn’t like it when a suggestive picture was provided. I always considered that it (the given pictures) constrained the idea provided by the words, also given pictures often contradicted the pictures generated through my mind.

Slowly i found that a smut story with too much dirty and vulgar word were not instigating to the imagination. They hit you like a big storm and jolt you before you could realize, if you enjoyed or not it is over. Whereas a good story with proper eroticism and better realistic presentation were like a cool breeze in the heat of summer. They tend to make a structure on which your imagination makes some real good pictures which you can feel and hence enjoy. So the big lesson learnt was that sensuality is an integral part of sexuality. Romanticism is a perfect preface for sex.

Till last year, if i had to read a novel I invariably tried to look for the parts in which there is sex or suggestive to that, I tend to read that primarily, I couldn’t resist the temptation. Well i agree that it somehow altered the flow of the story and by the time story reached that point which was already read, it tends to lose a little sheen.

My girlfriend once said to me that she never enjoyed reading any sexual story; I thought she is the type who need pictures as their imaginations aren’t enhanced. Well actually it wasn’t even that, those pictures make her feel more disgusted; a jolt to my theory. “So what actually excites you?” I asked. “It’s like when you get desperate, your desperation thrills me” Her reply.

Women are entirely different, they lie and that makes it much difficult to comprehend as what they mean when anything else they say. Their lies contain some truth and their truth contains much lies. My encounter with women wasn’t smooth considering my class teacher, through her i actually believed that women are ruthless devil, if they are not they have the potential to be.

My girlfriend told me that she use to skip or fast-forward the sexual scenes in the movies. I think she was lying though am not sure. According to me it was a stupid thing to do. Nothing matches a sex-scene which is a part of the story. It’s not like a stud having enormous sex with some hot chick as in porn videos. It’s like a person having multi-dimensional character is having sex with another such sort of person with the essence of the story enhancing the aura of the scene.

In the famous movie Titanic, the scene in which the actor (Leonardo di caprio) makes a nude sketch of the actress (Kate winslet) is far better than any porn video in market. Why? To be true that scene didn’t contain any form of sex, not even touching or kissing. Well technically at its worst it was nudity.

Let us find out why that very scene was thought as a class and how it was different from other videos of nudity. First of all what we deduced from the movie was that the actress was a beautiful dame who belongs to high society, in her social structure she was a “bird in the cage” all laden with heavy etiquettes she was supposed to follow. On the ship she meets this guy, the actor who was free like a wind, He didn’t know much about mannerism, He didn’t care much about “class” sort of thing. A freelance artist who uses to draw the picture of prostitutes, what can be roughly called as ‘searching for art in the pile of garbage’. Naturally they strike well, for the boy the girl is an absolute beauty with pure heart of a kid. For the girl the boy is an epitome of freedom and raw art.

So when she bares all for the boy to draw her nude picture, then we don’t see a boy drawing nude sketch of a very beautiful girl with perfect body. What we see is that A high society girl who is bored of her virtually caged life breaking the ice by getting her nude image drawn by a very good freelance artist whom she has come to admire due to his honest and direct approach. It is all these dimensions and angles that take that scene above normal scientific view. In our subconscious mind all these factors are accumulated and structured perfectly to help us realise that the very scene is just so sensuous.

Now it was just one example, there are numerous such scenes. Well In a “to do list” a person can try to establish such dynamics in any sexual/sensuous/nude scene from a movie to find out why they liked or hated that particular scene.

Well it’s true, not all movie scenes are lovable but then what is noticeable that the movie itself has a flaw in its plot or presentation or in any technical details. A movie sex-scene is perhaps as good or bad as the movie itself. Any minor flaw in the plot may play a spoilsport in the sensuous scene.

As time passed I get more involved in porn, got deeper into it and became sort of ruthless in my choice. I got at the level where i use to judge the porn as good or bad. When I think back I find it ridiculous that i judged those mostly on the defined parameters.

For porn to be good enough the criteria were simple the girl in the video should be beautiful, if not beautiful then attractive, the video quality for the porn should be apt, videos shot in darkness was rarely acceptable. It’s an added advantage if the porn contains a systematic story with proper instances. Anything deviated from normal was appreciated. It shouldn’t be disgusting and should be ‘clean’ as far as possible. Even if the porn is staged, it shouldn’t feel like to be staged.

With that judgemental instinct I guess slowly I became more of a judge rather than an audience who enjoy. In a flash I came to decision that the porn didn’t fulfil any of my parameter I use to shun watching it. Even the one i watched, I use to watch very selective parts and process and use to escape elongated display of same process which i considered overtly monotonous.

Primarily the best part which I rarely missed in any of the porn video I watched was the undressing part. I guess for me curiosity and excitement are mostly quenched when the girl comes in her natural form. It’s the transition from dressed to undressed is what that contains the flavour. I abhorred the videos which started with nude girls. Perhaps that’s why I liked the porn with stories because there undressing happens understandably in a sensible step by step approach.

It took me some time to get a comfortable idea of female’s private part. I think in porn, any boy notices then adores all the minute details of female body, the curves, the skin, the softness, the nipples, the flesh, the arms, the lips, her voice, and her slightest of reaction. I think many boys will agree to me here at this point.

When I first looked at nipples, I found them staring at me the same way I was staring at them. God’s strange creation constantly poking out which can easily be called as an unintentional provocation. When the first man would had sex with first woman for the first time, even then I m sure that he would have taken her nipples in his mouth though he would had no idea as why he was doing so. I think that is the most natural reaction a man comes out with when encountered with those strange yet tempting raspberry(ahem......excuse me).

Then there were butts. The curve, the flesh, a strange parting crack in between and of course it’s swaying while the women moves. Again the natural tendency is to grab those fleshy parts which are like playing with each-other. I don’t know why exactly i want to grab those and squeeze them, But I think whenever i think of doing so, The image which comes in my mind is of an open mouth which wants to utter “Ah..” but the voice doesn’t come out. Even for the slightest of moment her heartbeat is stopped. I still couldn’t comprehend, out of all these, what exactly I get? But yes without doubt I am tempted.

Women no doubt find it degrading as it comes under ‘the assault of personal space’ category. I am sure that just a temptation is not a reason enough for someone to assault other person’s integrity. I personally would not approve of this if the woman is not a willing partner. You don’t have to be a woman to feel that, even as a man no one would like to be assaulted forcefully. 

It seems I lost the track. I guess this porn saved me from great frustrations which are contradictory to the popular belief that watching porn could lead you to ultimate frustration. I guess I organized every small details of such porn to enhance my fantasies. Now these fantasies are what which are considered a door to frustrations as unfulfilment of such desires might unrest you. But then one must consider that it is not fantasy that has caused frustrations, it is the desire which later became a passion to make those fantasies true has ultimately became the root cause of those frustrations.

I never tried to drag the fantasies in the real world, I knew it’s a never ending quest and yes a frustrating too. The women of real world are psychologically very different than the one which were there in imagination. Since the women in my fantasies were a figment of my imagination it was easy to persuade them. They never asked for commitment, neither expected gifts, they never disturbed me when i wanted to be myself and remain alone, they understood my mood and were flexibly accommodating to my inquisitiveness. All in all they had all the points over real women and just one flaw.

Real women had only one point in their favour which was robust enough to nullify all others points and this was their being “real”.  Now what is real is a matter of discussion in itself, let’s not get in there. With real I mean what mostly it is supposed to be.

I think i always was disappointed with real women; sometime I tend to get even a passive anger toward them. But when I try to deduce it, the only thing come to my mind is all this because I am attracted to them. I actually am angry to myself that I am attracted to them. My integral self-dependency is in question. But slowly I guess I have accepted to even their dynamics and way. That doesn’t mean I have given up, it simply means that I understand that there is nothing to complain about.

They say ‘men are dogs’. I guess most of the men don’t mind such comments till they are getting ‘bones’ or being more literal ‘flesh’. I find such comments insulting and negatively provocative, but then I think that’s the intention behind such statements. However I never react to those jibes, I think i almost scoff them off.

I didn’t intended to be political, well I shouldn’t. I sometime think that it is fantasies which leads to or maybe infuses fetish. What actually is a fetish? I guess fetish is nothing but desires which doesn’t make sense or maybe it is so much desirable that we don’t look for the reasons. I guess the first fetish I got was to have sex while bathing. This is a very common fetish which applies to most people. I am sure people get more of strange fetish too; I guess I too have my share of such highly illogical desires.

Its human nature to try to achieve for what they desires actually this is why we have such great discoveries and inventions. So it is very understandable that a person would try to make his or her desire true as far as possible. It really gets difficult to get your strange desires fulfilled though mostly because they are highly impractical not to say insensible. Also it needs two to tango so either you have to persuade your partner to get your desires fulfilled or you have to force him or her. The latter option is totally unacceptable and illegal.

There is also a darker aspect to this phenomenon. Some people tend to get fetishes and desires which are socially, legally and morally forbidden. There is a likeliness that the person might try to pursue the quest of his or her desires. That person might try to achieve the fulfilment of such desires through alternatives or may subterfuge. Strong probability is that they might pursue it secretly as it’s socially not acceptable. Paedophilic tendencies, sex with corpse, incest, sadism, masochism etc are few such examples. Most of such desires if fulfilled leave victims behind. To the people who are more of judgemental tendencies might find such acts disgusting and depraving.

But I tend to look a bit deeper without any prejudice. First of all, before talking about such darker disgusting fetishes we will try to look as for why we get fetishes in first place. Why do we want to achieve something which isn’t normal and doesn’t make much sense? Why having sex while bathing is more ecstatic than having sex on bed, why someone want to lick ice-cream applied on women’s body? Why not to have ice-cream first then lick women’s body or maybe vice-versa?

The truth is that sex in its core is quite simple, without an iota of doubt it’s immensely pleasurable but at the same time it’s just like a monotonous process. It gets better when it is filled and drenched with emotions, but even that one doesn’t hold for long. One certainly needs features and dimensions to make it wholesome and entirely pleasurable. It shouldn’t be some hormonal or mechanical pleasure it should be psychological too. That’s why a person may find his friend’s wife very voluptuous and tempting. A person gets a strong desire for his female boss though she might not be as beautiful, In fact had she not been his boss he might not even have got a slightest of inclination toward her. It’s her power and authority that the person wants to have sex with too not just her body.

Sex is like some raw item and one need to cook it with ingredients and spices to make some delicious dishes out of those raw items. So the fetishes are nothing but those ingredients, those spices. Having sex is uncooked; having sex with a heavily dressed steno in a courtroom is delicious cooked dish. Now every people have their own ideas of ingredients and spices, it is their idea of cooking it and it’s their interest as how they like it. A person is his or her own chef and interestingly all they need to satisfy is their own taste. Sometime a bad smell or body odour spoils the whole mood to have sex, there are multiple such turn-offs and it varies from person to person. That was nothing but the sort of discrepancies which spoiled the whole dish.

That’s why perhaps we have so much craze about lingerie and underwear which falls unnecessary for many people. It is my idea that sex while bathing will be more ecstatic. The little droplets falling continuously and uncontrollably on the body would enhance the pleasure; it would make the whole thing a lot more sensuous and refreshing. I don’t know when I got this idea, but certainly it stroked me someday and since then it is there in the back of my mind as a ‘fetish’.

I am sure someday I must be imagining something and out of all that I would have got this idea of having it while bathing, as the idea would have stroke I would had imagined it instantaneously and for that moment I would had felt it, I would had felt it immensely and it would have appealed me hugely. And that is when the dish was prepared. The whole process was subconscious and was sort of chain reaction. This is why we don’t comprehend why we got any special fetish. We don’t realise when and how it appealed to us, all we remember later is the desires itself.

It’s human tendency to be tempted to do what they are not supposed to do. Why? I guess the answer is a mixture of curiosity and achievement. Curiosity to know as why they are not supposed to do and what comes out of it. Achievement or rather sense of achievement of being achieved of what was forbidden. In accordance to such basic human tendencies some people gets a parallel forbidden fetishes. Many of them are darker desires which were earlier mentioned.

Fetishes are basically tools to make sex exquisite and exciting. But for few people normal fetishes are not enough, to get the same sense of excitement they need forbidden fetishes. People who are habitual of tea seek something harder and taste coffee, for few people coffee isn’t hard enough so they seek black coffee. However one must remain careful, overconsumption of black coffee is harmful for health and similarly forbidden fetishes are harmful for moral health.

There was a person who was walking along the road in the evening, beside the road there was a pit. Out of simple curiosity he looked in the pit, it was too dark to see anything but suddenly he saw something small and shining. That made him more curious as what’s shining in deep dark pit. He stooped but couldn’t judge what the thing was. He stooped a bit more but that too didn’t prove enough. He kept trying and ultimately fell in that pit. But instead of worrying as how he will get out of that pit he started searching for the shiny object. In the process he was all in the mud. Ultimately he got the object; it was a piece of mirror which was simply reflecting the moon’s glow. 

The shiny thing is the supposed excitement and pleasure. The pit is the forbidden fetish. And that is mostly how a person gets obsessed with such socially, legally and morally unacceptable thoughts.

Any person who has got a clear conscience would be able to control and rectify such thoughts. It’s very natural to get curious about forbidden desires but one must judge it on the basis of logics and conscience. I believe everyone is entirely capable of controlling such thoughts when he or she understands the dynamics of what and why.

I had my share of immoral ventures. But i always knew the functionalities hence i was never really obsessed neither I tried to achieve anything. I still get interested sometime but then I have my methods to overcome that.

Porn which depicts rape and other such unacceptable acts would never corrupt a person’s mind if he or she understands the difference between practical life and fantasy. I have seen loads of such stuff to avoid my boredom or in quest of excitements. But it didn’t change me as a person I was before watching them.

Till date I consider that the best porn I ever watched was a real clip shot from mobile by a man of his girlfriend. The girl was beautiful but not like strikingly beautiful, she was more of a simple natural beauty with no make-ups. The person requested her to open the clothes and by the face of her I could guess that she was willing to show but didn’t know how to accept his request. Eventually she started taking off her clothes and also started to sing some love song. Now the love song was like having few special instances which were similar to each other, at those instances she used to stop undressing in a way that she will not continue. I guess her doing that each time stopped my racing heartbeat and it started again when she started again.

It was thrilling and exciting. As I am writing this I feel her sexy sensuous voice is echoing around me, her singing and her laugh. I guess she provided me something which is just so unique and fulfilling. Clearly she was in love with the man who was filming her.  I think it was her ‘love’ factor that I cherish most. Her looks, her style, her smile, and her voice everything made an everlasting imprint. She had a nice body, nothing which I hadn’t seen before. I guess I had seen far better and perfect bodies but still she beats all with her charm and ability to love. I think she made me her fan unknowingly and unwantedly.

I think good porn should appeal to the mind as well as the heart. It shouldn’t strike it should caress. Good porn encourages our sensuality to be more capable of accepting and feeling. It saturates our basic desires to be loved wholesomely through watching sexual affection. Good porn should have the freshness of the morning and stability of the evening. It should be something which opens the pores of all our nerves. It should create some sort of symphony between the heart and the mind which somehow the soul can enjoy. Good porn in many ways is like a good poem. It takes you to your own wonderland where you can be yourself without any shame or guilt or any other external constraints.

              --------------------------------------------------------