The Past Timer

Dreams
         Everything started the day of my 14th birthday, it was a Wednesday.  When I went to sleep that night; I dreamt of the worst thing I’d ever felt while lying in my bed. 
         I felt overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow for the things I’d said that I could never take back.  The look my mother gave me when I told her I hated her was one I’d never forget.
         The dream started on a lazy summer morning when I was six. I woke up to find my father in bed crying and my grandparents on the couch sleeping with puffy red eyes.  No one would tell me what had happened until I went into the kitchen and found my brother; Trent huddled over and cup of luke-warm coffee.  My mind replayed every word that came out of his mouth in a mumble. 
“You told mom you hated her last night, and now look what’s happened!”, he said. 
It was at that moment that I understood the extent of everyone’s tears. 
“What happened to mom, where is she?” I asked him.
“What happened!? You mean to tell me you’re that dense!  SHE’S DEAD!  Do you get it now?” he screamed at me.
Then there was darkness.
§
Thursday morning I woke up with tear stains on my pillow.  Other than that it seemed like a usual rainy morning.  I turned off my alarm and saw the time the moment I touched it.  The weird thing was I hadn’t opened my eyes yet.  I didn’t let it worry me, because I was still extremely too tired.  I looked for my contacts, guessing they were in the bathroom.  I had just gotten up so my sight wasn’t at its greatest, but I’m blind as a bat too.  I fumbled my way through the hallway and had to feel my way towards the doorway.  The weird thing was, the second I touched the wall I knew exactly where the doorway was.  I could even see the height chart on the corner where my dad still monitored mine and Trent’s heights.  All the numbers were clear, even the points, it was like I’d been seeing black and white all my life and now I saw color. 
Once I’d gotten dressed and ready for school, I went out to the kitchen and found my dad at the table slouched over his coffee.  He looked absolutely exhausted.
“Did you know that you cried all night long?  I went in to check on you, and you were just lying there with your eyes closed bawling and moaning.  I even tried shaking you awake, but found it useless.  I was out in the living room all night worrying about you.  So please tell me what this horrible thing was that you dreamt of last night.” He said.
“It was horrible!  I dreamt of umm… I had this killer chasing after me, and shooting at me.  I thought I was going to die, and it seemed like my body didn’t want me to wake up.” I said.
I don’t know why I lied to him, but it was like someone told me not to tell him.  I didn’t know why it really mattered; I’d dreamt of my mom before, just never the night she died.  The weirdest thing about the dream was that it was like it was happening all over again.  The images that replayed in my mind last night were crystal clear.  I felt the things I’d felt that night, but I was observing my pain from afar.  It was like my soul was out of my body.
I got down to the bus stop and waited about five minutes.  The bus begun to creep up the hill, then I heard footsteps behind me.  It was only Anthony, the boy from down the street.  Slowly, but steadily his twin brother Branden trailed behind him.  I’d known both of them since we were kids, and in my opinion they had started to get a little less like my childhood friends, and more like boyfriend material.  I’d never let the twins know that, though.  Yeah, we’re best friends, but they’re guys and you just don’t talk to guys about that kind of stuff, it’s too awkward.  I’ve had a little crush on Anthony since 6th grade, not that he knows, he’s oblivious with his little girly girlfriend.  I’m one of the guys end of story.
We got on the bus and talked about random things like we usually did.  When it came time to get off the bus I didn’t want to.  Talking to the twins had made me feel like there were no worries.  I didn’t think about the dream, the clock, or the wall.  It was unbelievable how easy they made it to forget life.  Their low voices saying pointless things were like music to my ears.  The laughter that erupted from my mouth completely altered my mood.  Nonetheless it came time to get off, and the bus was running late.
I didn’t have time to find my friends before the tardy bell rang from homeroom.  It didn’t disappoint me, because I knew I’d get the same feeling I got when I’d tried to tell my dad about the dream this morning.  Spanish and Science both went really slow.  Third period I had choir with Travis and my best friend Willet, we call her Wille for short.  Travis being Trent wasn’t there, because he never is.  Trent and his friends are never at school, but ever since mom died, dad has worked too much to get the phone calls saying Travis has missed x amount of days.  I understand that if dad didn’t work we wouldn’t have TV dinners to eat in the living room, and a roof over our heads.  I just miss when I can vaguely remember coming home from school to the smell of chocolate chip cookies.  Or always having home cooked meals on the table at strictly 6:30, but the thing I miss most is having my dad there long enough that I could cuddle in his lap while we watch TV.  Trent used to be home, but now he has a car that he drives to all his dates.  He has weekly girlfriends, so it’s not surprising he’s never home.  Actually, I think he’s dating the Goth girl from my grade this week.  I think she’s the Nickleson’s foster child. 
I didn’t notice it, but Wille was snapping her fingers trying to bring me back from my thoughts.
“Lally you seem really out of it, did you sleep last night?” she said to me.
“I guess I slept, it was more like… oh my gosh oww!” I said.  I then, fell to the floor clutching my throbbing head.  I don’t know what it was that happened, but it felt like someone was screaming a really shrill note in my head.  Not only that, it was like someone had drilled into my eardrums and filled my head with hot sauce.
All the pain suddenly subsided when I began to think about the fact that my head was going to implode if I didn’t stop and clear my mind.  Before that I’d been thinking about telling Addie about the dream just to get it off my chest.  Apparently I was going insane.  Isn’t that what insane people do, let the voices inside their head dictate their life?  I decided not the go insane yet, and tried to talk about the dream again.  This time my body shutdown, enough so that I didn’t have the energy to open my eyelids.  I’m just glad my body kept the vital organs going.  I knew all of what was going on.  I heard some screams when my body went limp and all the class could see was the upward and downward movement of my chest.  I even felt one of the guys pick me up and then set me back down when the choir decided to just call the nurse.  I smelled the ammonia tablet the nurse put under my nose when she got there.  I wanted so badly to flinch away from the sour smell, but I was still paralyzed.  When the ammonia didn’t work the entire class began to panic.  I heard the squeaking of wheels and was suddenly lifted onto something soft, like a mattress.  Then it hit me, I was on a gurney, even though I didn’t know the school had ever purchased one.  We had a really poor school, and since I’d never seen a gurney at school, it was probably very old.  I began to move forward, not down like what I assume could’ve happened.  I heard the squeak of the wheels again, which told me I was right about the movement, and that we were heading for the nurse’s office.  I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder and assumed it was the nurse, but I distinctly heard two pairs of footsteps on the glossy floor.  Then I heard his voice, Trent apparently just gotten to school.
We got the nurse’s office and I heard him ask if he could be with me alone for a minute.  Before the nurse agreed he had to convince her that this had happened before, and I just needed time to wake up.
Once she had left I heard Trent say, “Lally why do you always have to be the center of attention.  I know you don’t mean to, but some days it feels like I go invisible when you’re around.
My body started to loosen and my arm twitched.  This of course gave me away, so that I couldn’t hear the rest of what he had to say.  He saw and abruptly stopped speaking.  He left the room and mumbled something to the nurse on the way out.  It sounded like he said, she moved, I think she’s awake.
She came in a few minutes later with paperwork.  It was the usual accident report you fill out so the school doesn’t get sued.  Here’s what it said:








§
The nurse wouldn’t let me go back to class.  She said I could either call someone to pick me up and go home, or I could stay in her office until the final bell rang.  I couldn’t call my father when he was busy at work, so I found myself stuck in her office all day.  It wasn’t a completely useless day, because Anthony came to visit me.  I don’t know how he does it but he always makes me laugh, he was even able to make me smile the day my mother died.
I remember that because right after he made me smile, I burst into tears and he held me while my salty tears coated his shirt.  He smelt like home that day; it somehow brought me enough comfort to keep from crying at every second throughout the next month.

Anyway, he came to see me during sixth period, which is when he has lunch.  It surprised me because he is usually dying to eat lunch with his girlfriend, since it’s the only class they have together.  He came in and said, “Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, I just heard.  So what exactly happened?” 
I was pretty sure I could trust him, but when I opened my mouth to tell him what happened; I fainted again.  This time I knew how to wake up so I stopped thinking about telling him the truth.  Even though it only took me a second to do that; I was out long enough for Anthony to notice. 
When I opened my eyes he was leaning over me, and being the genius I am, I said “Hi!” 
All in a rush he said, “Are you alright?  I thought you’d fainted again!”  Then, he hugged me and completely caught me off guard.  By the time I recovered enough to hug him back, he was already pulling away. 
I was blushing when I asked him, “What was that for?”
Smiling at me and then turning worried he said, “I just needed a hug from a good friend, and you scared me today.  Hearing everyone talking about it, and knowing I was about the last person to hear about it, it just got to me, you know?”
“You thought about her too?” I shyly asked him.
He nodded and got a distant look in his eyes.  I lightly touched his hand, and weaved my fingers through his.  With my other hand I patted the bed, motioning for him to sit down beside me.
“It’s okay; I think it’s better to keep her memory alive.”
He looked down at me and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.  He saw them, and sat down and leaned in for another hug.  I buried my face in his shirt and cried while he ran his fingers through my hair, trying to comfort me.
Sobbing I said, “I don’t get how I can be so comfortable around you.  It seems like I’ve blocked her out for so long.  It seems like I’ve been holding back the tears I’m ashamed to shed for her.”
Calming me he said, “I don’t know why you’re so comfortable around me, but for me it’s that there’s no point in hiding myself from you.  I used to know you so well, then high school came along, and now we never have time to spend with each other.”
Whimpering I said to him, “I’ll always―”.  The bell rang, and I didn’t have time to finish my sentence.  He picked up his book bag in a hurry and practically ran out of the nurse’s office.  The way he acted it was like he’d been in a haze and just been snapped out of it by the bell. 
§
No one else came to visit me until Anthony showed up to walk me to the bus.  Still wondering what had happened to his girlfriend, I asked him “You seem to be lonely today, where’s Cindy?”  By the way Cindy is the name of his girlfriend.
He smoothly said, “I’m meeting her after school today, I thought you knew; her mom had a heart attack over the weekend.  She’s been in ICU since Saturday.”
“Oh!” was all I could say, but there were a million running through my mind at that point.  Everything that had happened in the nurse’s office today was him apparently feeling sympathetic of Cindy.  The hug, the sweet words, the hand holding it was all because he felt bad for Cindy.  Looks like everything that I read into today was not even for me, it was for her.  After figuring all that out I decided to ditch him and catch up with Wille, who was a few paces ahead of us.
When Wille and I got on the bus she had to catch me up on my school work I’d missed today.  She began to list off classes, starting with fourth period Geometry, which was about five pages of circumference problems.  Then she summed u the two chapters we’d read in fifth period English.  She didn’t have to tell me about my lunch period, but she did say something about how Anthony wasn’t in lunch.
“Yeah, he came to see me during lunch, and I’m only going to say it got awkward and intimate.” I told her.
“What do you mean by intimate!” she practically screamed at me.
“Wille my gosh be quiet, he’s getting on the bus!” I frantically whispered to her.
“Just tell me, my day had been completely dull, please just give me something!” she whined.
Anthony passed by and said, “What are y’all screaming about now?”
“Stay out of it; it’s none of your business, and Wille we will talk about this later!” I said through clenched teeth.  Anthony walked on and winked at me when he looked back over his shoulder.
“Okay right now I’m going to go sit with Anthony, because I have something urgent to talk to him about, and if you ever act like that again, I will disown you as a friend!” I forcefully said calmly to Wille, then I left her.
I got back to where Anthony was sitting and asked him if I could sit down. 
“I don’t know, my invisible friend doesn’t want to be sat on, you might have to ask him to move.” He sarcastically said to me.
“Excuse me, can I sit beside Anthony today, I promise you can have him when he gets home.” I said to the air in the open seat beside him.
“I’m sorry he’s really mean, but I’ll push him off the seat if it’s urgent.” Pushing at the air beside him he cleared the seat for me.
“You’re extremely too sarcastic sometimes, almost to the extent of being annoying.” I said to him
“But you love me anyway, right?”
“Sometimes, then other times I wish I could slap you upside the head.”
“Aww you really do love me don’t you?” he said to me.
“Just shut up we need to talk and it’s serious.” I quietly told him.
“Okay I’m tired of jumping around this, what happened today?  You know what I mean, and I know it scared you.” I whispered.
“To tell you the truth I wasn’t acting, you really did scare me, but I think we got in over our heads in a sore subject.  It’s been awhile since I talked to anyone like that, and it felt good to let it out, but Cindy cannot find out.  We’re the only ones that know about what happened right?  You didn’t get on here a blab to Wille about everything?” he said to me.
“Why do you think I’m back here talking to you about it.  I really didn’t know exactly what happened, and I was worried I was over reacting.”
“You weren’t over reacting something happened, but we have to make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay?” he negotiated.
“All we can do is try right?” I said.
“Time to get off, I’ll see you tomorrow, bus stop, right?” he said as he got up and put his book bag on.
“Yeah, sure, see you later!” I said as we went down the steps and went our separate ways.
I climbed up the steps to the door and saw the dinner note posted.  Apparently there was chicken in the fridge that I needed to take out and fry.  With that we were going to have scalloped potatoes, so I did my home work and started on dinner.  Sometime after I started dinner, Trent walked in with a few of his friends and disappeared into his room.  A few minutes later I figured out that I might have to feed all Trent’s friends, and we didn’t have enough food for that.  I barged into his room and stood wide eyed as about five shirtless guys stared back at me.  I barely muttered, “We can’t feed all of these guys, they’d better be gone by suppertime.”
“God, Lally do you have to be such an annoying little sister?  I know they have to be gone!” he angrily spit back to me.
“Fine then, just keep your stupid rap down, because I still have homework to do.”
Then one of his idiotic friends decided to slam the door in my face, which didn’t exactly work, because my foot was in the way.  I yelped and he put his hand on my shoulder and said, “You alright?”  Problem was, I wasn’t alright, because what I was seeing was breaking my heart.  I saw his father beating his mother when he was five, while he was forced to stand around in their one room trailer.  I saw his mother leave him when he was eight; I even felt the punches he took from his abusive father.  I looked at his bare chest and I could see red handprints and bruises running from his hair line to where his boxers started.  I blinked and he had taken his hand off my shoulder.  When I looked up at him he looked troubled, even though his chest and face were clear of any markings that would show he was abused.  I got a little dizzy and he caught me, but the second he touched me it started again.  This time I saw him escaping the trailer in his father’s beat up truck while his father burned, locked in his moveable house.  The only things since then were snapshots of him sleeping in the bed of his father’s truck on a few blankets he had the money to buy.  The boy set me up straight and stopped touching me.  I’m sure I looked at him like a crazy person while my brother screamed, “Get out of my room Lally, and stop acting like such a freak.”
I did leave his room, but I was afraid to stand, so I went and laid back and rested for a few minutes on my bed, but when I woke up I heard the back door opening, and someone screaming.  I didn’t think it was my dad yet, but when I looked at the clock it was already 6:00.  I opened my bedroom door and was assaulted with a wall of smoke.  I walked out to the kitchen using the walls of the hallway to see, like I had this morning.  When I got there Travis was standing over the stove cussing about how he had to do everything thing in this house.  He had a fire extinguisher in his hands and was preparing to pull the trigger.  He turned around when he heard my footsteps on the linoleum floor behind him. “Where have you been, I came back after dropping my friends off, and I walk into a freaking mushroom cloud!” he insanely screamed.
“So it was you I heard come in a few seconds ago, and not dad?” I asked him.
“Yes and you’d better start thinking because this chicken is ruined.  Don’t forget that you have to at least air out the house.  Gosh the smoke in here is so thick!  What did you do to burn the chicken this badly?” He told me while using the fire extinguisher on the stove.
“This has been a long day, and getting home to have to deal with you and your friends did not help, so I took a nap.  It lasted a little longer than I thought it would, but I was feeling better when I woke up.  But then I had to come out here to the smell of smoke.  Now I feel even more stressed than I was before!  And STOP SCREAMING AT ME!  By the way, I need you to take a trip to KFC and get a 12 pack of chicken.” I tried to say calmly to him.
He didn’t like the tone of my voice, so he went and sat down in the recliner in the living room.
“I think you’re right, we have another hour before he gets home, the chicken would be cold when he got here.  Thanks, almighty one; please head out in twenty minutes!” I said annoyed.
“If I were you I’d spend less time bossing me around, and more time working on fixing all the things you screwed up!” He shot back.
“Gosh I’m going to be so happy when you go to college!”
“Haha like that’s going to happen?  Have you seen my GPA?”  He laughed.
“Dad will kick you out one day, maybe before I actually get to leave this God awful place!” calming myself I said, “This is getting us nowhere, and you know dad will scream at you for this too! Do your job or don’t, we’ll get screamed at either way!”
Later on when I’d gotten the potatoes on the stove, Trent finally left.  He got back at about 6:50, which gave me just enough time to dispose of the KFC bucket and set everything on the table.  I was setting the silverware on the table when my dad burst through the door.  He quickly stopped when he stepped foot in the kitchen.  He sniffed the air and my heart froze.  I couldn’t breathe, but all he said was, “Wow you did a good job with supper Lally, I can’t wait to eat.”
“Well, pull up a chair, because it’s ready, and I have a lot to tell you.  Travis get off your butt and get in here, we are going to eat a casual family dinner for once!”  I told my dad, and then screamed at Travis.
“Don’t you want to tell him about today in private Lally?” he screamed from the living room.
“No, I don’t because I think you both need a proper understanding of this since you decided to race out of the nurse’s office when I woke up!” I screamed back to him for the last time.
“Wait what do you mean woke up?” my dad asked me as he grabbed for a chicken leg.
“Don’t start eating yet, you need to know that there’s something wrong with me, and I’m not even sure I can trust you all.” I shyly told them.
He casually said, “It’s happening like she said it would.”
The way he said those words make my stomach drop and I became bloated immediately.  I went back and lay on my bed.  The next thing I knew, I was dreaming again.























Remembrance
         I woke up after about twenty minutes of sleep to find my black dress lay out on my bed.  Once again it all came back with a flood of depression and despair.  During my nap I had escaped it all and forgotten my tears, my worry, and my hopelessness.  Today is my mother’s funeral my voice echoed in my head.  Today you have to get out of bed and see your father weep: the strongest man you know is going to cry again today.  You can’t even see her face again; you can’t even hug her limp body the voice told me.
         I got up and my brother was at the stove making pancakes.  For the first time in my life Trent was doing something for someone else.
         “Hey Lally are you okay?  I heard you crying all last night.” He asked me.
         I moved closer to get the syrup out of the cabinet and was shocked by the inch long bags underneath his eyes.  They were a backdrop to his red rimmed bloodshot eyes.  He saw me staring so I asked, “You didn’t sleep last night did you?  Maybe you should be sleeping instead of cooking.  I can get dad to  finish the pancakes; I think you really need some sleep.”
         “If I could sleep I would, but if I try to clear my mind I feel.  I don’t have the time to feel pain and heartbreak; I have to take care of you and dad.  Once I finish cooking I have to call everyone.  We’re paying for transportation, and I just found out that mom didn’t write a will, which I understand since she wasn’t even old enough to develop wrinkles.  I’ve been asking dad all day if she wanted to be buried or cremated, but he’s just a shell without a soul.”
         At that moment he shed a tear, and finally let go of the tears he was holding back.  I walked towards him, gave him a hug, and cried with him.  My dad found us on the floor when he came in a few minutes later; we were in a heap cradling each other, both trying to calm the other.  At the time it wasn’t weird, but I hadn’t seen my brother cry since he was five.  From the look on his face, my father hadn’t either.
         “Do you think you’re going to heal someday?” he asked us, as he walked over and hugged us.
         Sniffling I said, “There’s always going to be a special place in my heart for her, but along with that comes a hole that I don’t think will ever fade away.”
         “I don’t know how anything is going to go back to the way it was, it seems like things are already changing so fast.” Trent said.
         “You’re both right; there will always be a void place in your heart that your mother would’ve filled.  Trent, we can only try to make things normal, but you’re partially right, because things will have to change.  You’re mother was half of our income, she was our cook, she is the one―she was the one who would be home with you.” He said answering both our statements.
         My dream switched to the funeral at that point. 
         We sat in the first cemetery seats looking up on my mother.  The preacher was reciting a Bible verse that was supposed to be comforting, even happy, but everyone around us was crying.  To my astonishment my dad and Trent weren’t crying; I know they’re worried, but they need to relax and cry I thought to myself.  We had slowed down and been forced to sit down, but they weren’t relaxing.  I know it was what they were supposed to do, but they seemed to be inattentive.  The only thing I really cared about at that moment was my mother and how I didn’t want to disappoint her.  I was shot back into the ceremony by Anthony who was standing behind me; he had just put his hand on my shoulder when he whispered, “You really should be listening, everything he’s saying is making me feel better.”
         “I am listening, but I can’t cry anymore.” I whispered back.
         “That’s impossible you have to be able to cry it’s the only way you’re going to feel better.” This time Branden whispered back.
         “Yeah, but I cried all day yesterday, even through the night, I even cried this morning.” I told them.
         “Stop talking and listen to the preacher, Lally you need to hear this.” Trent told me.
         I tuned in just in time to hear the preacher say, “I hope this family can one day overcome their awful sorrow.  I also hope that Trent can still carry out his dreams of being a marine, and I want to bless Lally with the gift her mother planned to give her.”
         “What is he talking about, and how did you know he was going to say something about me?” I asked Trent.
         “You’ll understand one day, and no one else will.” He answered.
         I woke up then, it was still dark outside and I touched the clock beside my bed to see that it was two in the morning.  I already felt jolted awake so I went to my closet and got a box out.  I turned on my bedside lamp and opened the box on my bed.  The first thing I saw was my favorite picture of my mother.  I remembered the box; it was just dusty from its life on the shelf of my closet.  I never took it out because it always made me cry, but this time I had to find some answers.  The next thing I grabbed out of the box was her pearl necklace that she had asked my father to give to me.  It was a family heirloom she had told him.  I’ve never worn it, because it’s always felt cold and unwelcoming on my skin.  It was different, this time the pearl grew warm almost immediately.  I didn’t have the time to observe anything else, because my memory flashed to the 1600’s.
         “Sarah Good” she said as she nodded and shook my hand.
         “Chacity” my great, great grandmother said as she shook the witch’s hand.
         “What business do you come here for?” Sarah asked my great, great grandmother.
         “I come here in need of the tools to convict a murderer.” She told Sarah.
         “I can bless you with the abilities of a past timer, but it cannot be reversed.  Your family will be blessed, as well as cursed; until your blood doesn’t flow through any other woman.” Sarah warned.          
         “I believe in your words and still wish to proceed.  If there are no other things I should be frightened of; please start the procedure.”
         “First I must ask you a series of questions so I know you won’t misuse your gift.  Do you seek revenge on the murderer?” she asked.
         “I seek no revenge, only justice.”
         “You understand that I am going to transfer some of my powers into you to complete the procedure?”
         “I do.”
         “Whom art ye kin to?”
         “Joshua and Lindsey Wells; my parents, and my husband, Luke Parker.”
         “Thank you, now the process may begin.”
         “Through day and night this woman will always be one with all things.  Through every generation this woman will pass the gift through her blood.