Melody

Melody

"If you do not believe, where can your mind rest?" - Yuuko Amamiya

A cold and strong gust of wind let countless snowflakes collide and shatter on my face.  The sun's light slowly ceased to illuminate the surroundings through which I strived without destination. Flake after flake cut into my face, a never ending stream of those beautiful crystals that brought peace to the world. Truly I loved the winter. Everything was so peaceful sleeping as if it was resting for the  other troubling seasons. Every morning I was greeted by a sparkling white and untouched nature. No traces of human beings were to be seen and only the cracking sound of the trees that broke down under their heavy load of snow. No one but me left traces in the snow, a defined trail of footprints ever striving through the endless white void of oblivion. I faintly remember how it all started. I was seeking something but I have long forgotten what it was. There was just one thing left for me, as long as I can remember I have been wandering through the seasons witnessing all of the life's sides. Where was I? It did not matter.
I am standing now, with my back to a ruined wall of stone, seeking shelter from my favourite season's cold breath. Soon the darkness would cover the world completely, it would be night and the clouds might clear a bit so that I could see the stars far away in heaven. I hoped for that...

A few hours passed as I dozed sitting crouched next to the wall. Quiet tones emerged from the silence slowly seeping through, to my consciousness. They were gently engulfing me and I trustfully engaged into listening, it was a dream.  The tones slowly were weaved together, gently forming lines, growing to a hopeful melody. I was drawn into it ever so slightly and thus before I noticed I had begun walking along that supposedly ruined wall.

My fingers slid along the cold stone and as I turned around a corner, a cracked wooden door comes to sight. In front of it a place without trees, bearing the heavy snow of these days. This was just an empty place covered by snow, which still gently settled flake above flake.
So my gaze returned to the door that no longer served its purpose. It was nearly completely broken down, but the size of it still impressed me to some extent. This must have been an important place in the past I thought to myself. My feet however were already dragging me through that door of rubble. Entering a ruined building of surprising size. Finely crafted stones had carefully been used to create sturdy wall, reaching up into the sky.  The building must have been vacant for a long time as I could see the clouded sky from the inside. A wooden construction once had supported the tiled roof and remnants of it had remained intact or lay down on the marble floor of the building. Even though it was snowing heavily outside only a few snowflakes flocked into the ruin.

"What was this place?" I mumbled to myself quietly.

"It was a place to come to for people who believed in a god. A monotheistic temple and they used to call it a church." A tender and feminine voice stated right behind me. Surprised I leapt forth drawing my sword, turning around I pointed it right at the chest of the sudden intruder. She however who was standing in front of me did not waver nor did she seem to react aggressively to my quick defence.

"The world still has not come to peace. I see." The feminine woman said, her eyes a mix of grey and green regarding me calmly. Her words did not reveal any intention. They were just statements which made no sense to me.

A gust of cold wind ran through the church, blowing away her nun-like hat. It revealed short glossy snow-white hair, not even completely reaching her cheeks, yet it suited here soft face surprisingly well. Overall she seemed to be rather tiny-framed. I must be at least one and a half head taller than her I thought.

"These days no one comes here any more. It has become a place home to loneliness. Say wanderer in the cold night what brought you here?" She, obviously in here mid-twenties, asked friendly and totally disregarding the deadly sword I pointed at her. Even more so as she started walked past me, in the direction where her hat had flown to and the slender fingers of her left hand glided along the side of my steely companion. Once she had passed my sword dropped a few inches and I turned around and for the first time noticed that her black nun-like dress which perfectly suited here figure had two silvery white stripes and her back. They were going vertically from the top of dress and ended at the very bottom of it. Quickly her lost hat had settled on her head again after she hit it gently to clean of the black-greyish sparkling dust which was around everywhere. I wondered why I did not notice before but nearly everything, except those few places covered with snow, was covered in that strange dust.

"A mysterious wanderer you are, not speaking a word to me. Am I such a strange being that you forgot all the words that were in your mind before?" she asked a little teasing, putting a small pout. Not waiting for an response she proceeded walked to the altar on which a huge but broken statue was located and with little effort she climbed up and leaned her back on the broken remnants, her legs playfully hanging down on the edge of the blackened altar.

"Won't someone get angry if you simply sit on the altar of this temple?" were the first words I spoke to her. I was wondering why I said that the same moment though.

"In a place where no one comes to?" she asked a little laughing. It was a light and cheerful voice she had.
"What about the god of this temple?" I inquired a little further, finally sheathing my sword walking up right next to the altar. She did not seem to have any harmful intentions, so I decided for now to not be too cautious.

"God?" her voice pitched a little: "No, even God has left this place. No one is here any more." she said a little resigned. The cheerful tone of hers nearly evaporated. Immediately I felt guilty as if having said something bad.

"I am sorry. I should not ask such weird things." I apologized quickly: "I came here because a beautiful melody lured me to this place." She smiled a little and probably pretended to not notice my quick change of subjects. Kicking her legs out a little she shifted into a more comfortable position it seemed. She now femininely had crossed her legs over each other and her folded hands lay in her small lap.

"I am surprised you heard my song. I did not know anyone could hear it at all." she commented.

"All I heard was a enticing melody which moved my legs to come here." I replied without thinking before. She clapped her hands, leaving them together after emitting the sound.

"I see!" she exclaimed quietly: "Let me tell you my name. Hotaru. Ichioto Hotaru and your name is?"

I did not want to tell my real name to anyone. I had seen so much things that could mess up one's life just by knowing ones name. It would be too dangerous to even tell an innocent looking person like her crucial details of my life. So the decision on a false name was settled quickly.

"My name is Shinjitsu." I said calmly surely not giving away any hints of my lie but she arched one eyebrow but for a while did not say anything, calmly watching the clouds pass by as if waiting for something. Eventually she broke the silence which slowly became uncomfortable for me as I did not know what to say to Hotaru.

"What an awfully familiar name you have." Hotaru said looking me right into the eyes and in an instant I froze, a shiver running down my spine.  A painful shock ran through my head but I could not tear away my eyes from hers. To my relief she closed her eyes and sighed a little. Looking up her eyes were friendly as ever, while I dropped onto my knees. I breathed hard as if my very life's essence had been drawn at.

"A false name it is Shinjitsu. A false hope for my little being. A sad dream not to fathom." she giggled a little: "Let me show you something. My song of innocence."

Hotaru hopped down from the altar and moved to a far corner of the ruined church, she disappeared in a dark alcove. I could not do anything but to follow her word and slowly walked to said corner. There she sat in front of a pitch black piano, it's keyboard white as the snow.

A melody emanated from the instrument as Hotaru's gentle fingertips played on the piano. It was the very same melody I heard before entering the church but essentially stronger. The source was that white haired woman in front of me, playing that powerful yet peaceful melody. However now near to her I noticed her sad eyes, while playing her melody and eventually my mind was drawn into the melody. All of sudden the bright sound became darker but still bearing the same sound. A single tear broke into glitter on Hotaru's tiny fingers as her voice concentrated all my attention. She started to sing in a gentle sad tone. Her song of innocence:

"That black dust you see were my wings,
ashed now into the grey covering this place.

A happy place of sadness existed for me once,
a person I sought to see waited here.

Ash for me, is a symbol of grief,
my wings failed to reach my precious person,
my love could not protect this special someone.

Thus in this place my ashed wings lay for eternity,
sparkling like the grey stardust in heaven."

The tones quickly flowed out of her hands, echoing in the empty hallways out into the dark night. I stood there listening neither thinking nor feeling. I just took in the melodic song she played and it continued:

"I tell a story of loving sadness,
of failure and compassion that never met each other.

Descended and cast away my wings,
failed and broken I sing in this place,
reaching out to my loss."

Deeply breathing in she turned around and as the last tones of the piano faded she said:

"Eternally hoping with burned wings."

Did she look sad or did she look happy? I could not discern between those two emotions as I was not sure what that song of hers was supposed to mean. Its melody however still rang in my ears, her gentle words still echoing in my mind. It was Hotaru's song so was it her story? If yes, what then? Wait this has nothing to do with me. I was just passing by, she has no right drawing me into her world. I have my own reasons for my journey, my own goals to reach. I...

"What is your reason to be here in this world?" Hotaru interrupted my thoughts asking a question which silenced all my thoughts.

Instead of answering I turned my back to her, intending to leave this temple immediately. It was probably best to just leave.

"Wanderer in the snow what is your reason to be in this world?" her voice gently inquired. It was scary. She, despite her gentleness, was scary. Why do I want to run away so much. Run away from Hotaru. What was it?

I stood in midst of the hallway, stunned not knowing what to do. Frantically I was searching a way to escape. The answer to her question was a thing I never wanted to give her. I could not give her that answer. I needed a way to get out of this spider's web and then I had an idea. She seems to associated with this temple, and the question about the god of this building had an interesting effect on her. If I only could play along that lines. Replaying all the things that happened here I remembered the first line of Hotaru's song.

"The black dust you see were my wings..." I mumbled to myself.

"Hm?" Hotaru reacted to my words as if she did not know what to think of that.

Bingo! I had an reaction, with this I could play along further. Reversing the situation, putting her into a situation in which she would not be comfortable to answer a question was my route to escape.

"Were those your wings?" I asked because her song made it obvious that she was very attached to this temple and that sparkling dust around here had something to do with it. If she hesitated here I would make it out of here.

"Yes." she answered quietly. A honest outright yes. My plan just had crumbled to a single word. Defeated by honesty was something new to me and something I could not defend myself against.

A sad melancholic glimmer was in her eyes as she looked at me waiting for me to say something. The silence drummed loudly in my ears.  Unbearable, detestable, scaring, hitting, screaming, crying silence in my ears.

"My reason to be here?" I finally asked in a whispering voice and instantly her nod confirmed my fears. There was no choice any more but to answer. More minutes of silence passed until I finally broke.

"I... I... I do not know..." I said with a dry throat sinking to my knees. I said it, those dreaded obnoxious words that made me hollow. My empty chest began to hurt and all the pain seemed to scream in unison with my empty being. No reason. No reason to be here in this world. I had buried that memory in my oblivion of the past. Forgotten with all that what was before. I did not want to remember those things. My meaningless existence and my own weakness but she had broke the shell I had carefully crafted around this painful presence.

Out of the sudden a warm sensation on my left cheek. Her right hand was resting there, comforting me. Hotaru's skin felt soft and warm and her touch made me tremble. Her reaffirming eyes compassionately watching my wake.

"The courage to live." she said softly withdrawing her hand from me. Hotaru turned around walking a few steps but then suddenly turning around smiling brightly at my pitiful self.

"The courage to live. Take my song as blessing nameless wanderer." Hotaru said in her usual tone, which was comforting me. A feeling I had long forgotten welled up again from the depths of my past. "Even though God has left this place and no believer is left, there is still the eternal value in his teachings. They will never cease, even if forgotten. So continue your journey with faith into your life and you will not fail."
She had begun walking again, heading for a staircase behind a corner. I could not see it before from main-hallway but now Hotaru was ascending those stairs gracefully as ever. But what I could not see once she had turned around were a few silvery tears and a faint whisper of hers.

"You will not fail like I did..."

As quickly as possible I got up, dashing to the stairs running up the moment she vanished out of my sight, but to late. Once I climbed up the stairs there was no one in the floor. Just the flicker of a few lonely looking candles. She was gone, leaving me in the ruin. Her words still echoing in my mind.

"The courage to live. Take my song as blessing."

I dropped to the ground and leaned back against one of those cold walls. I sighed looking to the ceiling. But suddenly something felt odd in my left hand. Thus as I looked down a feather nestled in my hand. A shining white feather however countless small black dots and stains ornamented the feather. It made me wonder.

Why would a purely white feather like this have stains?

- v1