My Life...What a Life!

Chapter 1
Some days I feel so misunderstood…I feel as if I have no idea who I am, where I belong, or who I belong with. Some days I feel so alone, so unwanted. I may be living with hundreds of other kids my age, but you know…none of them understand. I feel as if I’m a caged animal, prowling, starving, angry. I feel as if I have no power, no freedom, no choice, I’m cursed…stuck in my own personal hell! My family disowned me, hate me, they want nothing to do with me. My friends Jacey, and Kat…they’re amazing, they care about me, I know that but I can see they’re scared, scared of me…of what I’m capable of doing. Then there’s my boyfriend, Cody, absolutely  amazing guy. He’s caring and sweet and he loves me, something not many people are able to do, but you know…there are limits. I know there are limits he wants me to cross, limits I just can’t cross, ones that I’m too scared to cross. Cody’s angry with me, frustrated, hurt…I know that, but what cuts through my skin is…that I’m the one hurting him. I love Cody…a lot but not the way everyone thinks. They all think that I’m so passionately in love with him, the kind of love that burns, pulsating through your veins, the kind that makes your knees grow weak. I’ve asked myself so many times if that’s what I feel for him, but in truth….no! I don’t…I don’t think I ever did. It was always just brotherly love, I was just to desperate to realise it. I figured out long ago who my heart really belonged to, who really understood me, who I really did belong to.

Yeah, I know. Stupid me…how can I know what love is? I’m only 21, I’m too young to know about love, I’m too young for that much real responsibility, I’m too young to really know about life. That’s what my mama always told me “You too young Anna, you’re just too young!” She may have been right…I am young…too young for a lot of things but I’ve been through things people twice my age haven’t! I’ve experienced, heartbreak, I’ve hitchhiked across the country, I’ve nearly died, I’ve seen things only you can imagine, blood, gore, murder, I’ve been apart of it. I’m not my mama’s little girl anymore, I grew up, faster than most, and you know after what I’ve been through…I think that the idea of love, isn’t that hard to figure out.  When one’s been through what I have, it’s pretty easy!

CHAPTER 2

I guess I should start at the beginning, seeing as that’s where my story began, as I had said before I‘m a 21 year old woman. I had originally lived in Jackson, Mississippi until my life led me here to New York City. When I was 17 my daddy and I had a fight, a really bad one…we were never that close him and I, but even so he was very protective of me. He never let me have anyone over without supervision; God I hated him for it. One day I had asked mama if I could have someone over? she had asked me who? I told her that there was this boy that I like and he asked me if I could hang out with him. Mama had never been as severe as daddy, she told me that I could bring the boy over, so I called up David, told him to come over. We had been hanging out in my room, when daddy came home, he was early that day. I knew mama would tell him, she always did but what I didn’t plan on happening was daddy barging in the room…while we were kissing! I was so scared, I’d never seen my dad so angry, he threw David out of the house and gave me the biggest, the loudest, the most terrifying lecture I’d ever had. I had been so scared and so angry that I fought and yelled back; which was quite surprising…even for me. I had been so angry with him. He had told me how much of a disappointment I was and how much he hated me for disobeying him. He told me to get out, to go sell myself for money or something. He just wanted me out, and for me to never come back. I had looked at mom, she just sat there at the dinner table looking at her hands. I had felt tears well up in my eyes, willing them not to fall I fled upstairs. I had packed my things, only the essentials, about 6 pairs of clothes, my wallet with about $2000 in it (which I had stole from the family safe), my passport, and some food I raided from the fridge. It was about 1am in the morning when I crept downstairs, grabbed my coat and left the house. I had walked down my driveway only to turn around and look at the one place where I spent my childhood years, the one place where I felt truly safe, the one place where I’ll never be welcome again. I felt this tearing sensation in my gut, like thousands of knives cutting me open, ripping at my heart…my family hated me, for what? For being a teenager, for being me! It wasn’t fair! As much as I wanted to be angry, I just couldn’t sum up the strength so…I turned and walked away.

I had spent $350 on a bus ticket to take me as far as it could go, I don’t know how long I was on that bus or where it had ended up, all I knew is that I was on my own now. The bus had stopped in a town somewhere in northern Mississippi. I grabbed my duffle bag and walked off the bus, I had watched the bus as it drove off. I turned around to see a dingy motel up the street along with a dinner right across from it, the rusted and broken sign said ‘Tad’s burger Bar and Diner.’ The town was fairly simple, one main road with just a few side roads, countless motels littered the area, each as dingy and disgusting as the next, countless bars stood around the streets and the parking lots filled with trucks and trailers. I already felt dirty just looking around, I remember thinking that I shouldn’t be here! I should be tucked in my bed at home…but I guess that’ll never happen again will it, because of a family who hates your guts! I had laughed bitterly at that thought! What a joke! I picked up my bag that I had dropped on the ground and started walking towards the motel. I paid for my room at the front desk. The man up front was creepy! His greasy brown hair, matted to his head, thin, frail arms had made his hands seem too big, his wheezy voice asking me for the money, but what really sent shivers down my spine was they way he looked at me…his eyes rooming my body like it was candy, taking in every bit of it, those dull grey eyes lit up with some freakish sort of passion, for what? I didn’t want to know, I just wanted to get to my room, before I got sick. The whole time I tried to keep my eyes downcast but I was just to fidgety and jumpy and that man had not helped!

I looked around my room, it was scarce and empty, there was a small and grimy TV on top of a dusty desk adorning the right wall, a poorly made bed with a moth eaten sheets directly across from it. I dropped my bag on the bed and cautiously looked around. I mean who knows, there could have been dead rats lying around somewhere! I felt my hand reach towards my hair, the greasy, tangled strands sliding easily though my fingertips, I needed a shower…a nice, hot, stress relieving shower! I walked towards the bathroom, flicking on the lights, I saw cockroaches scattering into hiding, I screamed! I hate bugs! I tried swallowing the rest of my verbal fear and managed with difficulty. I studied the room…it was small but at least it was equipped with the essentials, working toilet, running shower and sink and four or five towels. Though the room was grimy and dark, I knew I’d take my chances with those disgusting bugs but rather than going about the way I looked now. My greasy, stringy chocolate brown hair tangled everywhere from being coped up in the hood of my jacket. My eyes dull and surrounded my bags, my clothes baggy and slightly ripped in places…yes anything would be better than this.

After I had taken my shower and had gotten dressed, I had rummaged through my bag in search of my wallet, I was starving! I walked out of my room and heading straight for the streets of the town. As I had walked past the front desk, I could feel the eyes of that man follow me out of the door. I tried so hard not to look back. I picked up the pace and hurried out the of the motel. I decided to eat at that little dinner I had first saw when I came to town, I entered the doors and sat down at one of the tables sighing heavily. I had been sitting there for quite a while, staring into space when a plump woman in a purple and white uniform came up to me, she looked me with heavily made up eyes. The woman had asked for my order, I gave it, never once looking at her. I took out my wallet to see how much money I had left but my eyes came upon a photo…my family photo, my father, mother and older brother Joey standing around a bench in which I was perched on. I kept looking at that photo until my food arrived. Even without looking up I could feel the woman’s gaze trained on the photo, she asked in a soft southern drawl

“ ya love ‘em…don’ ya?” I had looked up at the sound of her voice, then turned my head towards the picture once more, and with a heated voice filled with anger, regret, sadness, and despair I had said softly in my own southern accent, heavy and hoarse with emotion

“ No ah don’…at least not anymore” as I ripped the picture in half. I swallowed and said thank you to the waitress as she handed me my food. I saw the pity and confusion in her eyes but I didn’t have the heart to care. I silently ate my burger and fries, drank my pop and left the money on the table, I walked slowly back to the motel, not really paying attention to where I was walking. My thoughts were on that photo…true I had ripped it up, but I did the unthinkable…I kept part of it. I had kept the half that showed me and Joey together, smiling and laughing. I had left my house thinking I could leave that life behind…I had torn that picture hoping to never think of them again, for they had broken me and my heart, and yet, I didn’t have the strength to throw it away. I had kept the half of that picture that would remind me forever of what I had lost…of what I had left behind. I had kept the only thing that would cause me all the pain in the world…guess how wrong I was?

CHAPTER 3

When I returned to my room I collapsed into my bed, the tears that I had been fighting back, spilling down my cheeks, leaving trails of my own despair. I had no idea how long I lay there curled up, crying in self pity, all I remember is falling asleep, dreaming of what had been, and what might be. I dreamt of answers, of a curse, of everything I was scared of. The next thing I knew, I had awoken, the sun’s slight light, looming softly in the sky…it was morning already. I knew it was early morning since the sky wasn’t bright enough yet. I saw that some truckers were slowly making their way towards their vehicles, and I stood there for a minute before rushing to grab my belongings before I bolted out the door, this place was just too scary, I had to get away, in any way possible! As I ran down the hall, I felt a calloused hand grab my wrist and spin me towards the wall. I had been too surprised to look for who had grabbed me and that’s when I realised I was trapped between the wall and a body. I slowly yet franticly looked up and there, leering into my face was the terrifying man from the front desk. Fear welled up inside me, thousands of thoughts coursing through my mind, jumbling together…what did he want? Why was he smirking at me like that? Why were his hands on me? WHAT DID HE WANT? He must have seen how afraid I was or felt my body shake because his smile grew larger, revealing yellow, rotting teeth. I asked him shakily what he wanted, he told me not to worry, he was going to take very good care of me. He told me that we were going to have some fun, as his hands slide up my arms. I felt my eyes widen with terror, I started shaking more rapidly, shaking my head…he just laughed and stepped closer, he had gripped my arm so my hands could only reach my pockets. I had stolen a knife from the dinner the other night and had placed it in my pocket this morning, my hand curled around the handle of it, I knew that I might have no other choice to get out of this, I didn’t want to do it, but I knew I might have to…as the man yanked me off the wall, I ripped my arm out his hands and driving the knife towards him. He staggered back, a look of complete shock conforming on his features…he collapsed to the ground, blood flowing from his body, staining the grey carpet crimson red. I stood there, mouth agape in shock at what I’d done, trembling and scared. I pulled the knife out, grabbed my duffle bag and ran toward the doors. I saw a burly man walking up to a semi truck, I yelled at him to wait up, the man turned around looking for my voice. His greying hair fanning out around his face, which retained a scowl. I had finally caught up to him asking frantically for a ride, I could tell by his face he was about to refuse, in non-to-friendly way, I pulled out a couple hundred dollars saying if he took as far as he could I’d give him the money, I told him not to cheat me out! The man finally agreed letting me get into the passenger side of the truck while he climbed in front of the wheel, we finally drove off.

The truck driver was not as nice as I had thought him to be, true he had drove me across a few states, but he was vile, bad mannered, obnoxious, dirty and overall perverted. There had been many times he had tried to touch me, tried to convince me it was nothing more than a little fun, but every time, I thought back to the motel, where I had killed a man…It made my stomach turn. I always threatened him with money, and it always got him to stop…until one day, we had been driving along  the countryside of Virginia, when he pulled off to the side of the road. At first I thought something was wrong with the trunk as we had been through a few problems with it lately, but as he turned towards me I knew that wasn’t the problem. He grabbed my hand in his and pulled me closer to his face. He whispered to me in a husky, hoarse voice that money wouldn’t stop him this time. He’s been driving me around out of the goodness of his heart and now it was time to pay up. I fought against him knowing that if I didn’t I’d be as good as dead anyway. I knew now what I was capable of doing and in situations like this…they call for drastic measures, I had yelled at him, tears flowing freely. I screamed about what I’d do if he touched me again, pulling the knife from my pocket, it was still blood stained from when I pulled it out of the body. I think the sight kind of scared him a little because his grip loosed slightly until he fully let go. I drawled in a soft voice that he better not touch me again, that as soon as we get to the next city, I’d be leaving. He nodded and turned back towards the wheel and started to drive again. I remember clutching the knife in a death grip, shaking, staring out the window not seeing the landscape rush by, only thinking that ‘this is my life now…this is what I’ve been forced to do, fight people, murder them, pay them off for rides, and for what?…for protection?’ I laughed silently at that, this isn’t protection…it’s hell!

After Larry, for that was perverts name, dropped me off at another dingy bar where I had spent the night 713.50 dollars less than I stated out with, I hitched rides with countless other men all as vulgar and dirty as the next. My money slowly but surely decreasing with how many times I needed to switch rides. My knife getting pulled out more and more through the next 2 months. I had been crashing in bars and motels one after another, waiting and ditching rides. The last place I had ended up was another small town just as dingy as the others somewhere in Ohio. I had been sitting at the bar with a glass of water, completely broke, as well as amazed and terrified, watching the fight going on inside a wired cage-like circle. A tall and very well built man was dominating a slightly smaller man, there was blood pooling from the wounds they both had. The sound of breaking bones, pieces of flesh dangling from open wounds, flying around the cage, clothes ripping, the grunts, the screams, the threats and chants from the crowd, it was amazing but at the same time absolutely repulsive. I turned back towards the bar and something had caught my eye…a huge jar filled with tip money and bet money. I had been driven broke by the people who drove me around, I was starved, cold, alone, sad, and completely desperate, but I knew the bartender didn’t trust me, so I knew he had his eyes on me, I mean…I couldn’t have done anything anyway but it’s the thought that counts right?

Soon enough the fight had ended, the crowds had slowly disappeared out the door, so all too soon the only people left were me, the bartender, his wife, and the fight champion who sat down on a stool and ordered a beer as he was handed his winnings. It had been the first close up look I’d gotten of him, he had dark brown-black hair falling slightly into a perfectly structured face with a fairly visible stubble. He was around 6’4, muscles visible through his white plaid shirt and tight faded jeans. I guess he could feel me watching him because he lifted his eyes to look directly into mine. We just sat there, staring each other down. I had no idea what he was thinking, but all that was going through my mind was that he was gorgeous, yet dangerous, mysterious and strangely enough let off this vibe that he was trustworthy…true he was too old for me, I’d say around 25 years old. Still, I mean a girl can dream can’t she? I suddenly realised that I had been staring and broke the contact with his gorgeous hazel eyes. I looked back to the table where my glass still sat untouched. I had sat there contemplating…I didn’t want to force myself to find another risky ride with nothing to offer but myself, but I certainly didn’t want to stay here. This place was too rough for me to begin thinking of staying even one night here! For some reason I felt as if I could trust him, I had no idea why I felt that way…I…just did. There had been movement to the side of me, startling me out of my thoughts. The man seem to be done in the bar. I blinked a couple of times, glanced over at the bartender and his scandalously clad wife. when I saw them pre-occupied counting money, I quietly and quickly crept out the door.

CHAPTER 4

I had seen him near a beat down blue GM Sierra. The truck looked as if it had been through hell and back and oddly enough it just seemed to fit the man. I hurriedly ran to the back of the truck and hopped in alongside another object with a tarp hiding it from view, I settled down covering myself with the excess material from the cover. I heard footsteps approaching the truck, I held my breath hoping he wouldn’t check on what I had learned was a motorcycle. I heard the door of the driver’s side open and then slam shut again, the truck roared to life, jerking forward into motion slowly gaining speed and driving away from that little bar.  The wind flew by, making the tarp covering me whip around me. The fierce, cold night air whistling in my ears as my eyelids dropped and soon enough I was fast asleep.

I had only wanted a ride to the next town, Then I would have asked him properly for a ride instead of just sneaking around him, I hadn’t planned on getting caught! I had been sleeping, when I heard a rustling sound, at first I had thought it was just the wind but when I felt the tarp lift off of me I knew I had been caught! I cracked one of my eyes open and saw him standing there, I shut my eyes quickly and pretended that I was still asleep but with a clearing of his throat, he told me in a gruff voice that he knew I was awake and that I “might as well get up” all I could think was “Oh Shit! I’m so screwed!” I sat up grabbing my bag, hugging to my knees as I looked at him in shame. The way he looked at me made me feel so exposed and embarrassed! The way his mouth formed into a frown, his one eyebrow arched in question, how his eyes searched me before settling to stare into mine. It wasn’t scary like the other times, he hadn’t raked me over with desire in his eyes like all the others…he just stared. Oddly enough his stare made me feel understood…like he knew my reason for sneaking into his truck. I can’t explain it but it was like his presence made me feel safe, it made me feel like I could trust him. He flicked his hand telling me to get out and I jumped into action reluctantly but that man seemed as if he could crush me with a squeeze of his arms, that was something you do not messed with!

“ Ah’m sorry! Ah jus’ needed a ride…ah didn’ know what else to do!” I said in a soft voice, my accent coming out more than it should’ve.  I jumped down from the box of the truck, keeping my eyes trained on the ground, never looking at his face.

“Ya could have just asked kid!” came a reply, his voice still holding that gruff edge. I lifted my eyes, finally looking into his, they held this glitter in them…something akin to pity, or understanding, I didn’t know which and personally I really didn’t care.

“ Would you have cared? Probably not right? Ah’m just a miscreant, teenage girl with no money for payback, and nothing to offer! So…Why would ya care?” as whispered turning my eyes back towards my feet, fidgeting with the handles of my bag. I heard him shift slightly and he said in a soft, yet rough voice

“ I’m not like that Kid! I wouldn’t have cared, as long as ya didn’t piss me off” I looked up surprised…I hadn’t expected that answer! Embarrassed I looked around and finally realized that we were in front of a dinner, a much better looking one than I was used to. It green and white paint job slightly chipped, the window only a bit dirty, you could still see what was happening on the inside of  the building. I turned my head to look back and I saw that we had reach a town, but I didn’t see a name to go along with it.

“so…ya’ll let me come along? Even if ah don’t have anything to offer?” I said turning back towards him warily. I watched as he turned around to walk away calling over his shoulder with one word “yeah” I duped my stuff back into his truck and hurried after him into the diner. We sat down at a table, and waited for the waitress to ask for our orders,  he sat there staring at me while I fidgeted around until he suddenly asked me my name. I hesitated for a minute but after having that feeling of trust squirm around inside me…I told him my name was Anna, nothing else just my name. He raised his eyebrow at me,

“ What? No last name to go with that?” He mocked as he leaned back into the seat, I gave him a shame-faced smile and retorted

“ It’s not like ah hafta tell ya that! Ah don’ even know ya name so why tha hell should ah tell ya my last name? ”  He looked at me…just stared. I saw a twitch of his lips showing that he was holding back a smirk. He just nodded, “James” was what he told me was his name, he never told me his last name and I never told him mine, it was like we had this mutual agreement. The waitress came and went and before I knew it we had left the dinner and were speeding down the roads of the countryside. I had sat in his truck beside him with no fear that he’d do anything to hurt me, I felt as if he could protect me,, from the nightmares and the people, I felt trust I hadn’t felt in so long and oddly enough I felt admiration. A tingly sensation whenever his hands came near me or touched me to put my hands on the heater. Every time he looked at me or gave me the smallest smile, I would feel my cheeks heat up…I had a crush!

It had been several weeks since I had first met James. Over those weeks of driving, eating, watching him fight, winning money by betting on him, we had became pretty close. Like brother and sister kind of thing or at least in his eyes and the eyes of everyone around us. I still had my little crush though for some reason it just kept getting bigger! We had been driving down a road when the truck began to snort and shudder violently, James tried to pull over but had ended up driving us into the ditch. He got out and walked to the front of the truck, banging on the hood, forcing it open. He had been tinkering with it for quite awhile when I had decided to get out a take a walk. I had yelled over my shoulder, telling James what I was doing, he glanced up at me and nodded, telling me not to go too far, then he turned back towards the malfunctioning piece of junk. I had been walking for about 10 minutes I saw a little stump of a tree a few paces in front of me, I walked towards it and sat down placing my elbows on my knees and resting my chin in my hands. I sat there thinking about my feelings for James, it had to be just a girls daydream crush right? I mean I’m only 18, my birthday had come and gone a few days ago, I hadn’t said anything, nor did I care. What was the point when no-one cared?

CHAPTER 5

For some reason I had this feeling that I was being watched, at first I just disregarded it as nerves, but when the feeling kept creeping up on me I knew it wasn’t. I had gotten all fidgety and I kept turning my head around looking for something. When I heard a twig snap, I jumped up terrified, I had called out James’s name hoping to god that it was only him, but when he didn’t reply, I knew he wasn’t around. I had slowly turned around, my eyes darting everywhere. I slowly starting walking away, It had gotten dark out. The moon half hidden by the dusty clouds, making the woods seem frightening. I had been walking a few minutes before realised I had walked in the wrong direction! I cussed myself for my stupidity, shivers went up my spine, but I wasn’t cold, I whirled back around and screamed!

I stood frozen there, wide eyed and staring, standing there, in shredded, dirty, blood stained clothes was the creepy man from the motel, the one I had killed! Or at least I had thought I did. He smiled at me wickedly, baring his yellow teeth at me for the second time, I was frozen! I couldn’t move, I was too shaken. His hand reached out towards me, he chuckled softly saying something about me thinking that I killed him. I couldn’t hear it properly, I was to focused on my fear. As his hand crept nearer, my legs burst into action, I started to run, I heard him growl and begin to chase me, he was faster than I expected! I had maybe run for a few meters before he caught up to me, I’m not sure what he did but he tripped me. I screamed as I went down crying. He scrambled on top of me holding me down. I just kept screaming, hoping against hope that James had heard me! The man leaned over  towards my face getting as close as possible and whispered

“ You know! I bet you thought you had gotten rid of me that night! Didn’t you? Guttin’ me with that knife! But you didn’t girlie see?” he had lifted the  right side of his torn shit to show me what I had done to him. There was a scar the size of my middle finger slightly unlevelled from the rest of the rotting skin. He quickly pulled his shirt down again and his fingers reached up his sleeve, All the while whispering that he was going to do the same to me that I did to him! I was shaking like mad as he brought out a large serrated edged knife, it’s shiny blade catching the moon making it flash in the moonlight. He about to bring it down upon my heart when he was pulled violently from me and thrown backwards. All I saw before I scrambled up and ran towards a tree was a giant form knocking the man to the ground. I slide towards the ground, curled up into a ball and sat there shaking, I heard more than two voices though, they were shouting, I heard leaves crunching underneath feet and the people came nearer, I tried making myself as small as possible, shaking, crying and gasping for air! I guess that’s what led her to me, I had been balling, when a soft hand touched my shoulder.

I jump violently and looked scared, in front of me was a slender young woman with light blonde hair and green eyes. She was crouched down in front of me so her eyes were level with mine. I could be concern floating around in the mesmerizing abyss, I could see fear in them as well, but it was fear for me, not fear for what was going on. We just stared at each other, I was wondering who she was and what she wanted. Where was James? What he was doing? I slowly started to calm down but I was still shaking, I couldn‘t take looking into her eyes anymore so I dropped them to the ground. I felt someone kneel down beside me. I didn’t look up. I just sat staring at the ground, I felt a rough hand take my chin and pull it up and towards them…I was met with a stunning pair of hazel eyes! James…it was James! I felt my eyes tear up again, I tried holding in a sob, but it broke free. I felt him pull me in and hug me tightly, one arm around my waist and his hand holding my head. His fingers tangling with my dishevelled hair. I clutched his damp shirt and buried my head into the crook of his neck, crying and shaking…and he just held me, whispering apologizes to me. I didn’t know what for, but it felt good, to know that someone cares. When I finally stopped sobbing, I pulled back and looked at him…I smiled as much as I could and wiped my eyes. I said thank you softly and he just smiled at me but I could tell it meant a lot to him, why? I don’t know! I looked down to see what was on his shirt that would have made it so wet…I was met with the sight of crimson stains, it was blood! I was nearly screaming in shock, I couldn’t believe he had gotten hurt because of me! I was saying that over and over while James just held me there, telling me to calm down, telling me that he was fine, “it was just a couple of cuts.” He kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault, that he chose to help me, that it was “instinct.” The way he looked at me, straight in the eyes, never blinking or breaking contact…it made me believe him. I knew he was telling the truth, so I nodded, and took a deep breath. He asked me if I could walk and I said yes. James and the lady helped me up and we walked around the tree where I could see another man holding down my attacker, I noted that the man who had attacked me was bound and bloody and the other man was standing over him watching him cautiously. I looked over at James to see him glaring at the man on the ground. His mouth curved into a snarl, but he just kept walking. The man hulled the attacker up roughly and followed us as we walked back to the vehicle.

I had woken up in a bed the next morning, I looked around the room to see James sleeping in a chair beside me, he had been patched up and looked fine. It made my heart flutter, he had stayed with me all night, he cared! Not only did he save my life but he wanted to make sure I was alright, that of course made that little growing crush grow even more.  The strange thing about this room was…it didn’t look anything like a hospital room, it was too cozy. The beige coloured walled and leaf green strip along the middle of the walls, the dark wood floor and comfy couches and a wardrobe. No this wasn’t a hospital, I didn’t know what I was. I shifted to get out the bed, I found myself in a white floor length night gown. I crept into the hallway, careful not to wake James. I decided to try and explore. I had only made it as far as the 3rd door on the right when I heard a voice calling my name. I stopped in my tracks, who in the world knew my name other than James? I backtracked a few paces to an open door way. Inside was a office study of dark brown, matching mahogany furniture and a beige couch. Behind a desk at the far end, sat a man around his forties or fifties. Greying brown hair surrounding a face alight with a small, knowing smile. I stepped inside, not afraid, I felt as though I could trust this man! Why else would I be in his home with James perfectly healed and comfortable. He motioned for me to sit, I had asked him where I was and why I was here. He just smiled and told me that it would be better explained if he knew my story first, so I told him…everything. It felt good getting it off my shoulders and out of my heart. The man just listened patiently and nodded occasionally. When I had finished he told me that I was at a home of runaways, it was also a sort of learning facility, helping kids cope with their lives, he told me that the people I had seen with James last night were teacher here, they had come across James swearing at the truck and offered to give him a lift when they had heard me scream. They had brought us here to help us out and that is why we were here now. I asked for the man name, it was Professor Eric Stone. I smiled at him and got up, as I was about to leave the office, the called my name. I turned back towards him. He said quietly that James and I were free to leave whenever we chose, he wouldn’t stop us. He put in a little hint that he wanted us to stay! It’s kind of obvious when they say “but it would be nice if you do”

CHAPTER 6

That had been three years ago years ago! I still remember that James had wanted to go, he had packed stuff already when I went to see him. I had pleaded with him that I needed him here, that he was really what made me feel a sense of belonging. I had gotten teary and kind of angry, not on purpose though and I guess that hit home for him. He had agreed to stay only I did, if I leave then he would to, no second thoughts. It made me feel so loved. Over the three years I had been here I had made friends with the  few handfuls of kids. my two best friends Jacey, Kat and Cody; whom I had gotten really close to in a romantic kind of way even though I still liked James, and a few others. It had turned out that everybody knew mine and James story, it had scared people. The things I had done, what James had done, but at the same time, it was called ‘sweet’ and ‘alluring.’ The kids tried to focus on those part instead of the negative one…I was grateful and so was James though he didn’t show it. For three years James and I had been friends, he had become so close that even some of my new friends could not tear us apart. It had been getting in the way of mine and Cody’s relationship. Cody was jealous and angry that I went to James for all my problems, how James was the only one able to cheer me up completely. He always got angry that I spent more time around James than him. That some days me and him would fall asleep on the couch or wherever we were. I hadn’t expected my crush to grow such much, James was just always there for me, even when I didn’t need him to be, he was there, Cody wasn’t! James made me feel normal, Cody treated me differently, like he was terrified of me! James and I formed this sort of weird relationship that filled the hole that my family had left, Cody didn’t! I had grown to actually love James. I think Cody figured it out because he betrayed me too, but his was physical…I had caught him and a this other girl having a….‘session’ so to speak, in the recreation room. I knew I had deserved it but it still hurt. I once again felt unloved by the people I love… I ran out! I past James calling my name but I ignored it, I just ran. I had ended up in the gardens where I sat down on the bench staring, thinking, slightly crying. I heard footsteps but I knew it James, like always he was there! He knelt on the ground in front of me, he asked me what was wrong, I shook my head and re-told the story with a slight laugh. I broke down a few minutes later saying aloud how much I felt unloved, James shushed me, and told me the most amazing thing!

“Darlin’ ya are loved! More than ya can ever know….By me!…From the minute I had almost lost ya to that Fucker! I knew I felt something, but I couldn’t do anything about it, and that killed me. Seeing ya with that brat…I nearly lost it Darlin’!” That’s what he said, I was so shocked and happy that I just sprung up and kissed him. I didn’t care, he returned it with as much feeling and passion as I had! That’s when I knew who I really belonged to, where I really fit in, I found out who I really loved! James. L. Anderson, the man that saved my life and made me feeling like I can take on the world! What a life huh?