Family Advocacy Group

 

               GRAPHIC: WELCOME TO THE FAMILY ADVOCACY GROUP



                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

                         The Family Advocacy Group presents

                         this short informational video.



                                                       FADE TO BLACK.



                                                       FADE IN:



               INT. STAGE - DAY



               SARAH and ARTHUR are standing in front of a pale blue

               backdrop. They are both cheerful, bubbly, and very friendly

               in a drink-the-kool-aid kind of way.



                                   SARAH

                         Hi! I'm Sarah.



                                   ARTHUR

                         And I'm Arthur.



                                   SARAH

                         If you're watching this video, it's

                         because you're concerned enough

                         about the future of America to join

                         the Family Advocacy Group.



                                   ARTHUR

                         Good for you!  You've decided to

                         stop being a victim, and take back

                         America for our children.  As you

                         know, gays and liberals are working

                         double-time to force the gay agenda

                         on us, God-fearing real Americans.



                                   SARAH

                         And that's why now, it's more

                         important than ever before to learn

                         how to fight back.



                                   ARTHUR

                         As a Family Advocate, you will be

                         expected to keep yourself informed. 

                         Gays and liberals will stop at

                         nothing to smear the faithful. 

                         Your only defense is to know the

                         facts.



                                   SARAH

                         And that's why we're here to tell

                         you the facts.



                                   ARTHUR

                         Homosexuality IS a choice.  And

                         since gays can't have their own

                         children to turn gay, their only

                         option is to corrupt other people's

                         children.



                                   SARAH

                         The most common way for someone to

                         become a gay is to be turned into

                         one by another gay.



                                   ARTHUR

                         Children are the most

                         impressionable, so they are the

                         biggest target.  To protect your

                         children, teach them these facts,

                         and don't allow them to go around

                         people you think are gay.



                                   SARAH

                         It's important to be vigilant,

                         because a gay will not hesitate to

                         drink your child's blood!



                                   ARTHUR

                         Right!

                             (beat)

                         Wait, what?



                                   SARAH

                         That's how they turn people

                         gay...by drinking their blood.



                                   ARTHUR

                         I'm not sure that's true...



                                   SARAH

                         Well, I suppose technically, they

                         have to drink the gay's blood in

                         order to become gay.



                                   ARTHUR

                             (beat)

                         Anyway, be sure to teach your

                         children the signs. Gays tend to be

                         very neat, and excellent dressers.



                                   SARAH

                         Also, they don't have reflections

                         or cast shadows.



                                   ARTHUR

                         Are...are you sure about that?



                                   SARAH

                         Of course!  Also, they can be

                         identified by two small puncture

                         marks on their neck, where another

                         gay bit them.



                                   ARTHUR

                         That doesn't seem quite right...



                                   SARAH

                         It's a fact!



                                   ARTHUR

                         Are you sure you're not thinking of

                         vampires?



                                   SARAH

                         Don't be silly, Arthur.  Vampires

                         aren't real!



                                   ARTHUR

                         Right...



                                   SARAH

                         But gays are!



                                   ARTHUR

                         Yes...they are...anyway, be wary of

                         places where gays often hang out,

                         like dance clubs, or gyms...



                                   SARAH

                         Or old castles, cemeteries, and

                         crypts. Also, they can't go out in

                         the sunlight, or they'll burn up

                         and die!



                                   ARTHUR

                         Listen, I don't know where you got

                         your information, but I'm pretty

                         sure you're thinking of vampires.



                                   SARAH

                             (ignoring him)

                         They can also be killed by--



                                   ARTHUR

                             (cutting her off)

                         Whoa whoa, we do NOT advocate

                         killing gays!

                         It's better to pray for them, and

                         to cure them by introducing them to

                         God.



                                   SARAH

                         Well obviously curing them through

                         prayer is better, but you might not

                         have time for that if you've got a

                         gay trying to gnaw at your neck! 

                         So if you're in an emergency

                         situation, and need to protect

                         yourself, they can be killed by

                         exposing them to sunlight, like I

                         said, or by driving a stake through

                         their heart.



                                   ARTHUR

                         No, you're not--

                             (beat)

                         Well, I suppose that second one is

                         technically true...



                                   SARAH

                         You can also keep them at bay with

                         crosses, holy water, or garlic.



                                   ARTHUR

                         Sarah, with all due respect, I

                         think maybe you're misinformed...or

                         maybe just confused...



                                   SARAH

                         Arthur, I'm not the one that's 

                         confused...the gays are.



                                   ARTHUR

                         We should probably just end this

                         thing. Remember: you have nothing

                         to be afraid of, because you've got

                         God on your side. Just be vigilant,

                         and be sure to avoid the

                         propaganda. For example, don't

                         watch films that perpetuate the gay

                         agenda, like Brokeback Mountain...



                                   SARAH

                         ...or Twilight.



                                   ARTHUR

                             (beat)

                         Close enough.