Rolling Right Along - Chapter 3

One Step Forward, Too Many to Count Back  (18+) The dream date to the zoo continues - cough cough #1642799 by audra_branson

Chapter 3

“Don’t touch me!”  The tone in my voice even frightened me a little bit.  But did it have any effect on internet-date-demon Ken?  Not a chance.

With less than a delicate touch, he grabbed my foot to inspect my swelling ankle, twisting it to the point where I contemplated biting him.  After all, when in Rome do as the Romans do, and we were at the zoo.  If he had been hoping to bring out the animal in me by bringing me here, the mission was accomplished.

“Put my damn foot down and help me up!”

“Baby, you have such pretty feet.  Mmmmm. . . I’m having visions of later.”  There was that wink again.

A smile curled on my lips.  “Yes, I’m having fantasies of my own.  Most of them have to do with you . . . and MUTILATION!”

“Your off-beat sense of humor cracks me up,” he laughed as he helped me hop to a bench. 

I’m not sure how he got there.  I might have blanked out for a minute or two from pain, nausea, and intense desire to die.  But somehow a paramedic (or someone pretending to be one) was examining my ankle. 

“Sir, I think your wife’s ankle is just sprained.  Keep it iced and elevated.  You might want to have your doctor check it out tomorrow if you don’t see any improvement.  We have some rental wheelchairs at Customer Service.”

“Isn’t that sweet?  He thinks we’re married.”  I felt Ken’s hot breath on my ear as he whispered these torturous words. 

“Isn’t it sweet?  You’re still living.”

His smile faded.  “Your sarcasm hurts a little sometimes, Honey.  But I know you’re in pain so I’ll let it slide this time.”

“Gee, thanks.  And by the way, if you think you’re pushing me around this miserable zoo in a wheel chair you are certifiably delusional.” 

“Oh come on, it’ll be an adventure.  Besides we haven’t even seen the pandas yet.  And that’s where the big surprise is.”

“Ken, I hate surprises.”

“But you love pandas.”

At least he had read one thing in my dating profile.  Before I realized what was happening, Ken was pushing me in an ancient wheelchair singing “Pretty Woman” a little too loudly. 

I had taken a few Tylenol and a pain pill I had been saving in my purse for a day when I needed to escape.  This seemed to qualify.  My mood was lifting.  Narcotics are magical that way.  I began to hum along with Ken, mesmerized by gorillas eating their own vomit and throwing feces at each other.  Good times.

I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye, but I was enjoying this bliss too much to take much notice.  Suddenly, Ken jerked the wheelchair to a stop nearly knocking me from my drug-induced haze.

“Did you see that?” he yelled.  “A black cat just ran in front of us.”

“Don’t be stupid.  They don’t have cats running around the zoo.  I’m guessing that would be some sort of violation.” 

“I swear!  I’ve got to catch it.  The poor thing must be scared to death.”  He ran off like Prince Charming intent on saving Puss-n-Boots.

I sat rocking slightly wondering what god had sent the sign of a black cat crossing my path in a zoo.  A new mantra swelled from my lips.  “I shall not internet date.  I shall not internet date.”

“I got it, Honey!  Look!”  Ken raced toward me with a baby kitten no bigger than a rat.  My heart melted.  Its fur was sticking out, but it was hiding its head in Ken’s arm. 

“Ahh, can I hold it?”

“Of course, my Angel.” 

The bundle of fur nestled itself against me, purring softly.  I gave Ken the first genuine smile of the day. 

The three of us continued on our journey to enjoy the pandas.  Life was looking up.  I felt only dull pain in my ankle.  I’d forgotten about Ken’s foot fetish comment, and I had an adorable kitten on my chest.

“Ma’am, would you like me to get you some napkins?” a young boy asked as we were waiting in line at the cotton candy stand.

“How sweet.  But I’m fine,” I responded a little perplexed.

“You have something on your shirt.”  His voice was hesitant.

I looked down to see green and brown mush covering the bottom half of my shirt in a grotesque ink blot shape.

“I think your cat had an accident .”  I could tell the boy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  At that point, either did I. 

WC – 770
Total - 2746