The Chicken Always Wins

               
                                                        The Chicken Always Wins


  This is a true story except for the parts I made up. From the title you may think the chicken is the lead character in this epic tale, but you haven't yet been introduced to Gwendolyn. Ah, Gwen. She is the only girl to be tossed off the girls lacrosse team for being too agressive. She also has the dubious honor of breaking the pinky toe of an opposing field hockey player and then telling her to "Stop crying, you still have another good one, and besides, they serve no useful purpose."
  I will leave you with one other thought. Gwen might not win at everything, but she never loses. 'Nuff said?
  When I worked in New York City, every so often a story would come up that would leave some doubt in your mind as too it's validity. Jim Brody's jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge and living to tell about it is one old story and some people belive that Yogi never said half the things he was given credit for saying. But one of the best stories was that there was a chicken in Chinatown and for one dollar you can play the chicken a game of Chinese checkers. The odds were two to one that the chicken would win.
  It just so happened that some friends were coming in from Canada, Medicne Hat, Alberta to be exact. I knew just the place to take them. Canada may have some seals that can clap their flippers and toot some horns, but New York City has a celebrity chicken that can play Chinese checkers. To be perfectly honest I knew exactly where I was going to take my friends Roddy and Zooey and Gwen and Talbot for a good time.
  I heard that there was always a wait to play and you had to order some food while you waited. I smiled to myself
knowing how annoyed Gwen would be having to wait to challenge the chicken. This was going to be fun, I thought to myself.
  My friends arrived, and the very next day at breakfast I mentioned what I had planned and Gwen wanted to leave immediately to "pluck that chicken clean." I told her that we can leave around dinner time because the place opens when the chicken is ready.
    When we arrived, there were people on line ready to play and others were inside the eatery ordering the required soup and chow mein. Xjing, the owner of the place and the chicken, didn't care if you ate it, as long as you paid for it.
  Gwen was so wound up that she kept humming the song "We Are The Champions" by the group "Queen". At last, after almost an hour wait, our table number was called and Gwen leaped out of her chair and barges to the front. Xjing holds out his hand for the buck fee, points to a placard on the wall and tells Gwen that the rules are followed exactly as stated on the placard. Then he hands the dollar to the chicken who pecks it into a large coffee can.
  As Gwen approaches her chair, she does a quick survey of the room to make sure the chicken has no hidden advantages. Then she nods to the chicken and the chicken cocks his head to the right and a soft cluck is uttered. Gwen looks at Xjing and asks "What did he say? You know I don't speak chicken." "Neither do I" was Xjing reply. "OK, says Xjing, lets get on with it. The chicken moves first."
  "HOLD IT, shouts Gwen. Why does he go first?" Xjing tell her to read the rules and lets move on. After the first five moves Gwen seems to be holding her own. She even back to humming. Suddenly, with a burst of exuberance
the chicken begins to cluck furiously while pushing marbles all over the place and makes a six marble jump. Gwen bolts out of her chair and demands a to see a video replay. Xjing replies "This is not the Super Bowl. Play!"
  With that, Gwen turns to the chicken who is still clucking to beat the band and says "Listen Bozo, I don't know what you're trying to pull but I'm not buying that phony move."
  Now the crowd is getting unruly and begins to boo and make cat calls. That's when Gwen loses it. So, with one fell swoop she knocks over all the marbles, kicks a hole in the board and demands a rematch.
  Exactly forty six seconds later we're heading back to the car with Xjing ordering us never to come back.
  When safely in the car her husband reminded her of the rule about rematches. "Stupid rule" she says. The next ten minutes were driven in silence until Gwen uttered the immortal words "Of course he's going to win, he gets to go first every time." Thirty seconds of silence. Gwen again. "He also gets to play every day."
    To which we all replied, "HE'S A CHICKEN" and without blinking an eye, she says "So, what's your point" We lose. She wins.
    "Talbot, tomorow let's leave a little earlier because I want to stop and pick up a Chinese checker game and a false moustache. I'm not sure what they have in Medicine Hat." She then taps me on the shoulder and says "See you in the fall."