The Glass Tactic

“You see?  You press the knife here.”
“Under the chin?”
“Yeah… a little lower, under that bulge of fat.  Press hard.”
“I don’t know, Jeb.  You’re kind of a sick fuck and all.  We could just leave him like this, you know, just kind of marinating in his own shit.”
“You are a pussy deluxe.  Just press hard, until you see the blood, and fuckin’ pull it hard and fast to the right.  Then we go.  Fast.  We could stop at Trudy’s, maybe?  Grab a bite?  I could eat about a gallon of that rice stew shit.  Now pull it!”
“Okay, but if I do this you are going to owe me big-time.  I’m talkin’, laundry, foot rubs, all that shit.”
“You are a pussy and you are totally gay.  You are a lesbian… WAIT…”
“What?”
“Shut up, I heard something.”
“It’s Brian.  He’s home.”
“Shit!  Grab that microscope and those Band-Aids.  Fortune is a divine little bitch.  I could have settled for less, but wow!”
“In no way do I find this beneficial, Jeb.  Alright, move.  He’s coming in.”
“Take off your socks!”
“What?”
“Just do it!”
“Alright, there.”
“What the hell is he doing?”
“I don’t know.  I can’t see him.”
“Peek out the window.”
“He’s talking on his phone.  Smoking.  I gotta take a piss.”
“Alright.  I’m going out there.  I’m going to act all cool and shit.  Before his mouse brain can even register why I’m there I’m going to stab him in the face with this knife like, four or five times.  I want you to take a piss on ol’ Roger here and grab your shit.  We’re going to Trudy’s for turkey burgers and grits.”
“And salt?”
“Jesus Christ, Brandon.  Yes.  And salt.”
“Ok, go.  But hurry up, I’m about to bust.”
“Hey, Brian!  What’s up you retarded pig-fuck?  HEEEEYAHHHH!!!!”
“Oh, baby, this is immensely good.  Like tapping a hundred year barrel with a chainsaw.  Calgon, take me away!!”
“Brandon, what the fuck?!”
“Brian?”
“What the fuck are you doing to Roger?”
“Where’s Jeb?”
“That asshole came at me with a knife.  He’s dead now.  And so are you unless there’s some kind of miracle explanation for this.”
“Well, you see, me and Jeb, we had this science project to do.  And Roger said we could borrow his microscope, so we came over to get it.  But when we got here he was all laced out like this.  Think he had too many Oxy’s, or something.”
“Okay, go on.  But get to the point, quick.”
“Yeah, so we decided we were going to cut the fat out of his neck and sell it on E-bay, claiming it as Meg Ryan’s latest yeast infection or some shit.  Then you got home, killed Jeb and I took a piss on Roger and well, here we are.”
“Really?”
“Yep.  True and blue.”
“Huh.  Well that’s cool, dude. I get it.  Let’s go to Trudy’s and get some grub, figure shit out.”
“For real?”
“No, fucker.  Come here.”