Man, Woman, and Mind.

‘Man, Woman, Mind’

(A 20 year old male eats sushi at an unfashionable water park. He has with him a small dog. The dogs name                                                            is Mind; has one black spot.)

Rocko: Don’t fuck with me Mind, don’t you do it. I know what you’re thinking.
Mind: You’ll never do it. You can’t even walk right in public without acting like a little, scared, girl.
Rocko: That’s not true! You’re just a mean-hearted little dog. And you’re jealous that I still have my balls, and you do not.
Mind: I’m just telling it like it is; Oh boy, Oh Rocko my boy. You’re not ever, ever going to do it.
Rocko :I will.
Mind: Well then, do. She’s right over there.
Rocko: Over where?
Mind: You see her, don’t pretend.
Rocko: You’re right.
Mind: I could piss on her, and she wouldn’t even get mad. Right on her leg. You see that leg?
Rocko: I do.
Mind: That luscious leg?
Rocko: The most luscious leg.
Mind: I could pee on it.
Rocko: You wouldn’t though.
Mind: I would.
Rocko: But you couldn’t though.
Mind: How’s that?
Rocko: Well. You’re small, you see- and I am large.
Mind: You’re not large.
Rocko: Bigger than you.
Mind: … hardly.
Mind: What are you drinking there, huh, with that sushi?
Rocko: Chai tea.
Mind: With milk?
Rocko: Yup.
Mind: You’re a woman.
Rocko: I’m not.
Mind: Men drink sake. Sake with their sushi. Little girls drink tea.
Rocko: Do you want to know?
Mind: Know what?
Rocko: How close I am to kicking you.
Mind: You wouldn’t.
Rocko: I would.
Mind: Not in front of her you wouldn’t. I caught her glancing our way, you know.
Rocko: Really?
Mind: Don’t think it was at you though… you see, I’m small and you’re large.
Rocko: I don’t follow.
Mind: Small things are cute. I’m cute. You are not.
Rocko: Touché
Mind: Thank you. (bowing his little head) Why are we here anyways? This… place, is a dump.
Rocko: Shut up, you’re just a dog. You’ll go wherever I decide to take you.
Mind: Oh. Wow, my goodness, I’m shocked! How manly, I’m flabbergasted! I see someone woke up this morning to a full cup of testosterone.
                                                 
(Rocko sneers at the ground, proud but hiding it)

Mind: Now that you’ve established this newfound… bravado, why don’t you go talk to her?
Rocko: I can’t.
Mind: Back to square 1.
Rocko: I think; I think she’ll come talk to me.
Mind: And what makes you think that.
Rocko: Well, we’re the only people here.
Mind: That is true. Why do you think that is?
Rocko: Not sure.
Mind: Why don’t you ask her?
Rocko: Too pretty.
Mind: What was that?
Rocko: She is too pretty.
Mind: I’ll help you.
Rocko: How?
Mind: If you let go of my leash; I’ll run over to her and lick her feet.
Rocko: You would do that?
Mind: For you- you sad little man- anything.

(Rocko releases Mind. He runs over to Woman and Woman shrieks. Rocko interprets it as joy. He is                                                  delighted.)

Woman: Your dog just peed on me!
Rocko: (horrified) Oh- Mind! Bad… Bad dog! I’m so sorry. Let me help you with that.

(Rocko removes his shirt and dabs the urine off her feet. Meanwhile, he must contend with a wily Mind,                                                  who is struggling to shake off the last drops.)

Woman: (gazing at Rocko’s naked torso) Oh my, you have a sailor’s chest.
Rocko: You like it!? (blurted)
Woman: Oh, I’m sorry. Its not like that, I was just being polite. I’m a celibate.
Rocko: A celibate?
Woman: Yes. I’ve had sex before, it was nice. But I find it distracts me.
Rocko: Distracts? Distracts you from what?
Woman: Well; my business of course.
Rocko: Oh. What business are you in?
Woman: I own and operate a woman’s clinic. Its very important to me- and sex just always seemed to get in the way of my work.
Rocko: So you became celibate?
Woman: Its not that simple.
Rocko: Not that simple?
Woman: You can’t just become celibate. There’s decorum, a rite that must be respected.
Rocko: Oh, I didn’t know.
Woman: Yes, it’s not a very well known practice at all. I could explain it to you, if you’d like.

(Rocko stands, unable to decide.)

Mind: Yes go on then, we’re fascinated.
Woman: Oh, you can talk? You know, that wasn’t very kind- peeing on me.
Mind: But that was so long ago! I’m sure we’ll turn out to be the best of all friends. I’m very interested in your story. Please oh selly, selly, selly bate, can’t you tell me what you’ve done?
Woman: Hehe, he’s cute.

(Mind and Rocko lock eyes- for a moment.)

Woman: So you really want to know?
Rocko & Mind: Yes.
Woman: Ok. Well, there’s people. Very powerful people. They don’t want anyone to be celibate. Corporations, Conglomerates, Elementary Schools. People, terrible people. But you have to go through them to be celibate. They control all the proper channels.
Mind to Rocko: You’ve picked yourself a crazy, Rock. Aren’t you just a winner? Congratulations. I’ll be claiming my right to prima notte soon. This sort of wedding simply must be made official. And in case you don’t know what that means; Its simple - I’m going to sleep with her before you do. What do you think about that Rock?
Rocko: Shut up!
Woman: (Oblivious to their chatter, she is engaged in her explanation.): They put me through… atrocities. Sexual atrocities; to ensure you’re making the right decision they say. But I know. I know better… They’re only there to discourage you. But they couldn’t’ break me- I took it. All sides… things. Terrible things. Sexual perversions. But somehow. Somehow- God knows how, I didn’t bleed a single drop.
Mind: Is that all?
Woman: Yes.
Mind: Oh my, that was a lovely story. What do you think Rock? Wasn’t that lovely?
Rocko: Yes.

(At that moment, there is an enormous crashing sound.)

Woman: What was that?
Rocko: Don’t be afraid, I’ll protect you!
Woman: I’m not afraid, I’m just curious.
Mind: (laughing loudly, heartily): Oh my God! You are a woman!
Woman: Leave him alone you little bully.
Rocko: (flustered) Lets go find out what that was.

(Rocko leads Woman and Mind to a huge mound of colorful plastic debris left by the                                                                      collapsed water slide.)

Woman: I hope no one was hurt…
Rocko: I’ll find out!

(Rocko begins to remove plastic chunks from the pile and throw them aside;                                                                                searching for survivors.)

Mind: There’s no one else here.
Woman: Oh.
Rocko: (blushing) I nearly forgot.

(Jump forward three years. Rocko stands, Mind beside him, in front of a sinister                                                                      bronze gate.)

Mind: You’re making a mistake.
Rocko: I’m not.
Mind: You are.
Rocko: There’s nothing else to do.
Mind: I can’t do this anymore.
Rocko: Do what?
Mind: You- You being so idiotic. If you ring that doorbell and go through with this; you’ll never see me again.
Rocko: After everything I’ve done for you?
Mind: I don’t have a choice.
                                                                     
(Rocko slowly removes Mind’s leash and collar. He rings the doorbell. It is a gargoyle; with three silver nipples.                                                                                He rings the center nipple. Mind walks away crisply.)

Voice Box: (In a trill, broken flute voice) Yes; who is it?
Rocko: I’m here to opt out; I called last week?
Voice Box: Come on in! And quickly! The tools are getting cold and everyone’s waiting… But first- I simply must ask; Why?
Rocko: Because she did… the Woman from the water park.
Voice Box: (Distastefully) Oh… her.

(The gate creaks open, and Rocko walks through it.)