Rantings of A Smoker

Ok.  I’m really going to do it this time.  I really want to quit.  I want to be around to see my kids have kids, and to see those future grandbabies grow up.  I love my children so much, and they deserve to have their Momma around.  I don’t want them to go through what my Mom put me through!

I miss Momma so much!  I couldn’t help but blame her when she got sick.  Even having lung cancer, she couldn’t stop smoking!  Well, she did finally quit.  The last few weeks of her life she couldn’t breathe without supplemental oxygen, making it impossible for her to smoke.  She suffered so much.  I don’t want to go through that!

But, why does it have to be so goddamned hard!  I wish I had never started.  Why did I ever start!  It was the high; the one that left me light headed and completely relaxed, like every muscle in my body was tingling.  It didn’t last long, only about thirty seconds or so.  Then the high stopped happening and I was just left with the damn cravings!          

God I wish these damn kids would shut the hell up!

“Billy!  Stop aggravating your damn sister.  I don’t want to hear her scream again!  Do you hear me?”

Oh my God!  I just wish they could put me in a coma so I could get this shit out of my system!

“Josh, please help me.  I can’t take this shit!”

I’ve got to get out of here.  I’m going to end up hurting someone!  I’ve got to get outside, now!

Outside, I inhale deeply.  As I exhale, a thick cloud of white smoke pours from my lungs and a tear rolls down my cheek.  I am so weak.

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