Hansel and Gretel (A new telling)

Once upon a time there lived a poor woodcutter and his two children in a tiny cottage by the edge of a great forest, the boy was called Hansel and the girl was named Gretel. The kindly woodcutter's wife had passed away several years ago and he wanted his children to have a mother so he decided to re-marry.

He chose poorly.

His new wife hated the children and quickly devised a plan to get rid of them. After much evil-stepmother-style nagging she convinced her new husband to agree to her plan. Together they took the children out into the middle of the great forest and left them there to "bond with nature" (they were hippies after all). After only a few hours Hansel and Gretel grew bored and wanted to return home.

But the Hansel in this story was somewhat of an idiot and didn't suspect that his new stepmother secretly wanted to be rid of him and his
sister.

In other words, he didn't think to bring a loaf of bread and leave a breadcrumb trail.

After a few more hours wandering around they came across a mysterious house made completely out of vegetables. By this time they were
both so hungry they could eat a horse but not a veggie house (hey they were hippies not vegans). They looked around for another food
source and when none could be found Hansel turned to his sister and declared, "Oh well. I'm really not THAT hungry anyway."

"Me neither." stated Gretel.

So they continued wandering around with growling stomachs and no idea how to get home.

THE END


P.S. Don't worry, they didn't starve to death. Their noisy tummies attracted the attention of the big bad wolf who, following the laws of nature,

decided to put the children out of their misery. Yes, that's right, he ate them