Ma Burd, Lindsey

Ma Burd, Lindsey




Night hus fallen but it’s still early days like. Ah kin see already that Cass’s party is bangin; some girl’s lyin oan her face in the garden wi her legs splayed an white pants oan full show an there’s a few aw the boys sittin oan Cassie’s wee brother’s see-saw passin a spliff to an fro. The music is poundin, an awready ma heed is noddin tae it wi the influence aw the speed ah took earlier when me an the burd wir gettin ready. I turn tae Lindsay an gee her a wee smile but she’s preoccupied wi gettin through the garden an intae the house, the party pullin her in lit a trackin beam. I follow her past the boys sharin a spliff an nod tae them but they’re too busy lookin at ma burd cos she’s wearin quite a revealin top an her tits ur pretty much oan display an I feel a tinge ah anger beginnin tae surface under the bubble aw jealousy that’s growin an growin but ah push ma negative feelings away an ignore them, ah’m here fur a good time an they’re stoned anyway.

The hallway stinks aw whitey an somewan hus drawn a cock on the wall. We make oor way through tae the livin room wi ma burd leadin the way. Ah try tae take her hawn but she’s too quick an ah miss it as she leaps forward excitedly to hug wan aw her mates sittin oan the bottoam aw the stairs. They go at it fur aboot five minutes, heavy talkin shite burd chat wi me stawnin there lit a knob-end the whole time. Finally we git goin. She pushes open the door an reveals a whole new realm aw smoke, banter an music. The techno floods ower me lit a wave aw excitement an ah nod ma heed in appreciation an start finger poppin. Cassie spots us an stumbles ower the sleepin form aw some wasted guy tae get tae us. Alright, Stevey! he says, shaking ma hand. Alright, Cass. He turns tae ma burd. How you doin, Lindsey? He hugs her a little too hard an ah feel the jealousy trying to break through ma skin fir a moment. Ah shake it aff; Cassie‘s a good guy. Always fucked though. Make yerselves at hame troops. He lumbers away again an crumples ontae his space oan the couch an starts sippin his tin. You wantin a drink? I say tae Lindsey but she’s already fucked off over tae some guy she knows frae uni an left me standin there oan ma todd lit a dick wi nae mates. I gaze aboot fur a bit then notice ma mate Rusty sittin on a sofa tae ma right rollin up a big spliff an I plonk down next tae him.

Alright, man, he says, hardly noticing me over the haze that hus descended over his vision from the previous few spiffs judging by how red his eyes ur. Alright, Rusty, what’s happenin, son. No much, mate, just goat this grass aff aw wee Conner an it‘s the fuckin business man. Sound, mate. It looks like it. Aye, mate. Ah’m far too fuckin stoned. I look ower at ma burd an see her chattin tae that smarmy cunt frae her uni an feel masel gettin aw boiled up wi rage an that. She’s laughin an touchin his jaiket an touchin her own hair lit some kind o slapper. Ah’m fuckin ragin. Ah’m aboot tae go ower there when the Rustmaster suddenly sparks up the big spliff he’s been rollin, has a few pokes an hawns it tae me. Ma attention hus bin drawn. Cheers, man, I say, takin a big toke. The smoke fills up ma lungs an after a few maire draws the niccy rush is floodin ower ma heed an ah’m droppin an droppin an spinnin an droppin then the THC kicks in an I feel relief an happiness sneak up oan me an the next thing ah know ah’m pishin masel an Rusty’s joinin in an every cunt’s proabably lookin at us but ah don’t care; ah’m the happiest cunt in the world right now.

Later, the room hus goatten a lot mair smokey thanks tae yours truly an Rusty. Ah scan the place an take in aw the pished an drugged up cunts an the wee bird in the corner who ah’ve never seen afore who’s pullin my mate Sharky. He’s goat one hand doon her troosers for aw tae see an she doesnae gee a fuck, the wee slag. Every cunt’s always shaggin an muckin aboot at Cassie’s parties an he doesnae mind. Once ah couple pumped in his bed while he lay oot his face oan grass an coke beside them callin them dirty cunts an pishin himsel. Even ah’ve shagged the misses a couple aw times anaw. No in Cass’ bed though, in the bog. I hate cunts starin at me when am goin at it. Gees me the boak.

Ah turn tae Cass in time tae see him hoover up a big meaty line ah speed an cringe wi the horrible taste. Ah hate speed, the only reason ah took it afore ah came tae the party was because Lindsey was takin it first an, as pathetic as it seems, ah wanted tae impress her an for her tae no think ah’m a poof but it’s awright cause ah kin already feel it wearin off, like.

A few mare spiffs later an ah’m well an truly oot ma tree starin at the floor an thinkin aboot aw sorts aw shite lit how hungry ah um an how much ah could dae wi a shag. Rusty is beside me oot the game snorin which is a shame cause that means nae mare spiffs as he’s goat the grass somewhere oan his body. Ah, well. That’s proabably a good thing, like. Ah scan ower the room an take in the people around me fur the first time in fuckin ages an I notice how packed the place hus gotten since ah first came in. The tunes ur suddenly much louder an much mare beautiful an ah feel myself smiling tae them an lovin them an noddin ma fuckin heed again. Big Jack is suddenly in front ah me smiling an he stretches oot his paw for me tae shake an I take a minute over it then meet his fingers wi mine. You’re oot the game, uren’t ye? he says, smiling. Ah point tae Rusty an say Naw, he’s out the fuckin game. Ah’m nearly there though. He laughs an rubs ma heed. Where’s yer bird, mate? She no make it? She’s ower there, ah say, pointin tae the chair where her an that uni prick ur talkin shite. Big Jack looks confused. Naw, she’s no mate. Ah turn ma heed an indeed she’s fucked off. Where is she? Ah stawn up slowly, the world feelin as though it’s suddenly just lowered under me instead aw me risin, an ah shake ma heed an try to clear ma thoughts up a bit before ah even try tae take a step. Where’s Lindsey? ah say to Cassie but he’s oot the game oan too much speed an just stares at me an points wi a big stupid grin oan his face. That burd that wis sitting oan that chair? some guy beside him says. Aye. She went upstairs wi that guy, Tom. Wit! Ah turn ma body an start headin upstairs an my heart is poundin an ah’m beginning tae sweat an all ah can think aboot is that uni knob-end an his expensive jumper wi the crocodile oan it an that his maw proabably bought him it, the spoilt cunt. I get tae the top aw the stairs an am faced wi three doors. I bang oan Cassie’s bedroom, the only closed one, but the fucker’s locked so ah press ma ear against it an right enough ah can hear ma fuckin Lynsey in there moanin an moanin an shoutin out Oh, God, oh, fuckin God! an I nearly huv a fuckin heart attack. That uni cunt’s shaggin ma burd! I start bangin oan the door an shoutin Lindsey, ya fuckin slag! Open that fuckin door! Wit ye fuckin dain shaggin that cunt? Dae ye no love me? Wit the fuck ur ye dain! OPEN THE FUCKIN DOOR YA FUCKIN SLAG!

Ah’m rattlin the wood wi all ma might but the thick fucker just isnae movin an ah huv nae choice but tae shoulder charge the cunt; panic hus well an truly taken ower. Ah take a runny an charge at the basturt but it’s no shiftin. Ah huv another go but the cunt just wilnae budge. Ah take another runny up an am ready tae charge the wood fur a third time but suddenly ah find masel grabbed by the shirt an the next thing ah know ah’m lobbed up against the door an starin intae the big rock-like face aw Cassie’s mental brother, Jimmy. Wit the fuck ye dain tae ma fuckin door, ya wee cunt! Ah’m right up against the wood so ah can hear ma burd getting rattled in there an it’s no helping ma heart. Panic whips through ma veins an ah cannae stop it. Ma burds in there! Some cunt’s fuckin riding her an she’s supposed tae be goin out wi me! The big cunt gees me a glowering ower. Aye, so why ye chargin ma door? Why ye takin it oot oan ma property, ya fuckin dick? Ah… ah’m sorry, Johnny. My burds gettin shagged an ah wanted tae get in an stop it. Help me open the fuckin door will ye, Jimmy? That’s ma fuckin burd in there! YER BIRD? THAT’S MA FUCKIN DOOR! Suddenly the cunt’s stuck the heed in me an ah’m lyin oan the flair bleedin oot ma nose an everything’s aw fuckin spinny an ah kin just make oot the shape aw this fuckin great foot comin at me as he gets a boot in aff ma teeth. Ah feel one aw them come loose in ma mouth an go fur a wee swim in the blood that’s buildin up. MA FUCKIN DOOR! He’s stuck the boot in me again an ah’m spinnin an spinnin an ah kin hear ma burd getting shagged in the room next tae me an she’s goan FUCK ME, OH GOD, FUCK ME an ah’m still bein booted an bloods pissin oot ma mouth an nose FUCK MEEEEEE an the room’s flippin ower ma heed an the boots ur still comin an comin and wan just aboot breaks ma fuckin jaw an ah’m yellin in pain MA FUCKIN DOOR an fuck me everything’s spinnin even mair an goin haywire an ah feel lit ah’m goan tae whitey…

An all of a sudden it’s ower, the big radge cunt’s bein dragged away by his misses an ma burd’s no shoutin anymair an the adrenaline’s wearin aff an the pain’s kicking in an ah empty ma belly aw ower masel. Fuckin hell. Behind me an all doon the stairs a crowd hus formed but nae cunt even attempts tae help me, ma closest mates aw bein oot the game the last time ah swatched them. Ah fall back away frae the door an scramble backwards a wee bit just in time tae hear it unlock an watch it swing open tae reveal ma burd an that smarmy uni cunt wi his grin that says ah jist fucked your misses while you got yer cunt kicked in.

Except it’s no. It’s no ma misses at aw, an it’s no that wee uni cunt either.

Jamie McDonald an some burd ah’ve never seen afore come oot holdin hands an lookin dead happy wi themselves cause they’ve jist goat a fuck an then their eyes drift ower me, ower the broken body lyin oan the flair covered in blood an tears an whitey an the smiles drain frae their faces an they freeze mid-step ower me gazin wi their mooths wide lit a shower aw cunts.

Wit the fuck yous lookin at? Ah say, spittin oot a bit aw ma broken tooth. Ya fuckin scabby bastarts.