Hearts Divided

There was nothing like this, at least if there was I had never felt it. This pain this ache, it was like something was reaching deep inside of me, taking a hold of the best part of myself and ripping it free of my body, drawing it up through my throat. As I stood in the crowded airport, there were so many things that could have taken my attention but there was just one thing that held it, and he stood before me. My arms wrapped tightly around his waist, my head pressed against his chest, his chin resting in my hair. His heart was racing. I could feel it, could hear it, I could understand it, for it was like my own, breaking and tearing... dying. I turned my tear streaked face up to his but I could not look, I just died some more, afraid to look into eyes like a stormy sea off a foreign shore, to see his hair like damp earth, curling gently against the flawless porcelain skin of his forehead. Would he go back to Scotland, and wait for me there? How long would it take? A month, a year? two? That was the worst of it, the not knowing, but we couldn't know it was our only choice. It wasn't fair. His voice rolled over me, caressed my ears, my heart, the sound of his voice delightful, and yet like another dagger in my heart, his words were hope, and love, his actions were contradicting. Was this love that could leave me? Was this love that could bear to live without me? I could not think of that, this wasn't his choice but that of the world we lived in a world that said we needed papers, and licenses to be together. That someone had to tell us, to judge us to decide our fates.

Over the intercom, a mechanical voice spoke, in a light monotone. Cold, unforgiving. My heart hammered beyond my ribs, my hands, shook clutching, wishing. hoping. Trying. Wanting. Feeling. How would I live? How could I ever catch my breath again, if I couldn’t look into those eyes? If I couldn’t swim in that sea? I only came alive when he noticed me. When our eyes met across the room, I could breathe again. How would I sleep at night without the warmth of his body at my back? Our bodies pressed together, our hearts, one, breathing in unison, wrapped in the safety of his embrace? I couldn’t, I would die. And as he moved away, I could feel my soul clinging to his. I would die. I couldn’t live. My vision swam, my body swayed. Why didn’t he stay? Please no. The words were on my tongue so heavy I could not speak them. Please stay. I dared not speak, the sound of my misery would make my ears bleed. Like acid, the words would fall on lips that would never speak love again. Lips that would never cradle his, lips that would never… In my sight he grew smaller, afraid to turn away from me. People cleared his path, afraid to touch someone so sad. So drenched in the acid of sorrow.

When he was gone my shell stood alone. A cocoon robbed of its butterfly, abandoned to flutter in a lonely breeze.