Amanda's Story Of High School.

My Story

Written by Cassandra S – 2009
Short Story

(Not based on myself but things that happen everyday to real people)

I was not always like this. I am depressed, scared and lonely as hell. I was once happy, smart and popular. However, that has all changed now.
         I entered the gates of the school wearing a black and red hooded jumper and black skinny pants. I had my big black and white shoes on. The only thing that remotely represented school was the shirt. A pale blue polo shirt.
         The day was cold and misty. The clouds were a dark grey and there was no glimmer of sun at all. The trees and flora looked dull against the dark colors that surrounded them. You could see the dark aftermath of rain on the wet concrete.
         I was the first at school again. I have been having severe sleeping problems since the awful time. I cannot sleep at night. Fall asleep at about one or two and then I wake up at five. I can’t help it…Being the reason for the bags under my eyes. I am constantly tired.
         I scratched the back of my dark hair and sat at a silver table and chairs in the front area. I pulled out a book and begun to write. Speaking of the inevitable pain I feel and endure each day. But what can I do? I am just a simple, unpopular person. And I have never shared this insufferable pain that I feel now. My family knows nothing.
         I suppose this all started when I was young. I was a little girl that grew up in very ordinary circumstances. I have never met my mother. She left when I was two. And she left me to live with my dad. Not that he obviously cared. He gave me to my aunty and left for Iraq. He is still there. I do not see him, or talk to him.
         I grew up at 56 Millbrook Place. I lived in a small house with three cousins. My family was always fighting. My whole family. I have four aunties and three uncles. Who all had a bad upbringing. My grandfather was very abusive and they were very unfortunate in their childhood.
         When I was three, my uncle Roy committed suicide. He was sick for a very long time and he just gave in because nobody would help. It was horrible. The worst night from my childhood I can remember.
         Nevertheless, our family is terrible together. They are all quite dysfunctional. My aunty that I live with is the most ‘normal.’ Tara. She is married to Trent. There is a lot of love between my cousins, Mia, who is my age. Who a grade below me. Shannon is fourteen. And Tony is twelve. It is a nice household. I do feel sometimes left out, considering I am just the cousin. They are the only family I have to rely on, to take care of me. It does feel strange. When I say, ‘Hi, Aunty Tara.’ Then they walk in, ‘Hi, mum.’ I would give anything to be able to say hi to my mum.
         But the worst thing is I have no idea why I am here. Why she gave me up when I was two years old. It does not make sense to me. She hunted my dad down and told him he has to take me. And I will never know the true story. And it is hard to comprehend. But the only evidence that she exists is me, my gold necklace that I always keep with me and a picture that my dad left my aunty that she won’t give me. She thinks it would be too hard to understand.
         But all my life, since I was of starting school age, I had gone to the local public school. I had a few friends that I was close to. Then we moved, away from my small country town. To a city. And I had to go to the school there. I had an awful time. No friends, loneliness. Then high school hit and I had an even worse time. My nick name was ‘pumpkin.’ And I hated it. Everyday I was constantly picked on and called names. Children can be so crewel. I was 70kg. And quite tall. I wasn’t that fat. But it was year seven, January 24. I remember it just like yesterday.
         What happened was that I was in the quad, reading a book. Felicity Duello towered over me. Her ugly acne all across her chin. Bursting with puss. Brown eyes that lingered in anger. She had arched eyebrows and her frizzy, greasy hair ran past her shoulders. Behind her were four girls. Trista, Melanie and Tasha. Her followers. I urged away.
         ‘Oi, pumpkin.’ I glanced down at my book, careful not to say anything. She was the type of girl that would be willing to get into a fight.
         ‘Pumpkin!’ She snarled.
         ‘Can you leave me alone!’
         ‘No.’ She begun kicking my chair. The others stated taunting me and snarling horrible things. I just turned away. ‘You know, nobody likes you because you’re fat and have ugly acne. And gross hair.’ She spat on me.  Then walked away. ‘Go home, to your old town, you fucking ugly mole!’

That was the beginning of the harassment that I received from Felicity. The harassment that I endured.

On the way home from Sydney, we had gone on an excursion. I was sitting on my own near the front of the bus. My iPod was in my ears. I took a glance at the back and then felt this huge lump go to the back of my head. I turned around to Kira, a shy girl that was sitting behind me.
         ‘Do I have something in my hair?’ I turned around, feeling it for the hard bit. I felt it and begun trying pulled it out.
         ‘Oh my god. Amanda, it is chewy.’ I grabbed at it and turned in the bus. Felicity was three seats behind. Grinning at my agony. I had chewing gum in my hair and there was nothing I could do about it.

I went into the main building and walked up the stairwell to English. Sitting in my usual seat. When everybody come in, I couldn’t stop the smile from appearing across my face. She wasn’t there. I relaxed and had a great lesson. Then half-way through it, she walked in the door and sat behind me. Throwing paper, pencils, pen, anything she had. And another lump of gum.

This is the sort of stuff stuck in my mind. But the thing most permanently engraved forever. That will never leave me, was when I was walking to class and they decided to push me, then grabbed my bag and ran off. Pouring it out in a bin. There was my mother’s necklace in it. They grabbed it and one of them broke the chain and stamped on the gold heart. I stopped running and saw the damage. I fell to the ground, picking up the broken heart. I begun to cry so hard. It was a pain that I hadn’t felt about these girls before. I begun to cry louder.
         ‘That was my mums!’ I cried louder. ‘It was mums!’ I cried and cried on my knees, in the dirt. A teacher took me to the deputy and I blurted it out—everything. She was going to be suspended. But I can still see the angry rage that was across her face when she walked out of the principals office. It was an awful stare that made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
         When the bell went, I walked out the side gate and down the main street. I headed into the side-street that lead to my house. I heard a group of girls screaming and carrying on behind me. I took a deep breath and kept going. Then I heard their pace picking up and they were coming close. Felicity come into my full view. Then pushed me back into another girl which pushed me again.
         ‘Dob on me, huh?’ She kicked me in the stomach. I fell back on my but. Grasping at my belly. Rolling over in agony of the force she has. ‘Well, meet my sister. And a few of my other friends. Get ready, pumpkin, you’re in for it now.’ She grabbed my hair and pulled me up. I screamed as she pushed me back and begun constantly kicking me. She kicked me in the nose and then pinned me to the wall and kept on kicking. And kicking. And kicking. I blacked out.

I felt nothing.  No pain. No searing agony. Nothing. I had slight images of darkness. Pain coming for me… I should open my eyes. I told my self. I slowly blinked them open. I saw my aunty in the corner. And my cousin across the room. I was dizzy. Unable to comprehend what they were saying.  I shut my eyes. I felt someone squeezing my hand. I opened my eyes and Mia sat next to me, crying. I moved my hand and he looked up, her eyes red and swollen.
         ‘Amanda!’ He cried.
         ‘What happened?’ I whimpered.
         ‘You were...bashed...’
         ‘Felicity did this to me?’
         ‘Its so horrible. But nobody knew who did it. A neighbor found you in the rain, you had bled. A lot.’
         ‘I want to see myself.’
         ‘No, you don’t Amanda.’
         ‘Get a mirror.’ She took one off my side table, covered in flowers and presents. He shined it across my face. A swollen, red image smeared back at me. Scratched and withered. I had such horrible scratches. Covered by the awful image of what is now my face. I was gone. Hiding behind the horrible image.
         ‘Please, take it away.’          

There was a long period after that. Where I wouldn’t talk to people. I died my hair black. Started wearing darker clothes to hide the bulge that hid behind the shirt. I was now 50kg. I stopped eating so much and begun exercising until I was so puffed I could not breath. My aunty, off course, had no idea. She worked just as much as Trent did. While I was at home, trying to be what I classed as normal. After all, I was only bashed for being gross. Like she said every day of my miserable life at that place.
         I remember distinctively the night I was alone in my room, cleaning out my moldy bag with disgusting, rotten, half-eaten food. There were a few books in there. A text book and off course the dry, brown blood that covered the things in the front pocket. The bag was white. It was still covered in the horrible, terrible memory that lied in my mind. I took the books out and left the things in the front pocket. Then I looked at the bottom of the back compartment. There, lied a shriveled, broken piece of my mother’s necklace. I pulled it out and then assorted the pieces. They were smashed and the heart was flat. I threw it in my drawer and begun to cry.
         The only thing I had was that necklace. And those bitches destroyed it.

That was the time my life completely fell apart without anybody knowing.

I started at the new school, after my scars had cleared and my aunty considered me able to go back. The girls had been charged and we had moved. So they couldn’t find me. But the new school was different. The town was small, but still a city and there were only three high schools.

The first day was a complete blur to me now. I can hardly remember. But I had a plan to stay incredibly quiet and try not to get attention. And defiantly not dob to a teacher. Although I must have done something, right. Because I made a few nice friends that didn’t smoke, drink or do anything stupid.
         I started by making friends with a few kids that others classed as ‘scabs.’ They were nice, until they begun to turn and I was left with no one. I did have a math buddy that I sat next to often. Her name was Sarah. Sarah for short.
         I began to talk to her more and more as we become closer friends. Started hanging down the street and doing normal things. This was what I had been missing for years. Since I went to that city. Sarah was of average height with brown hair just past her shoulders. Prettier and smarter then me.
         Through her, I met some new people, like Melissa, JoSarah and Renee. They were much like Sarah. Good kids, that didn’t do anything wrong. Ever. And were all prettier, skinnier and smarter then me. But the difference was, they didn’t care.
         Then it all turned around. Behind it all, I had developed a rather bad case of depression. It has always been there, mildly. All my life, but now it was at its worst. And recently, while making these new friends, I was bringing up problems in my mind that I had blocked out. And seeing how nice it is to have friends has brought up the bad times and the face of the enemy that I never wanted to see again. People were picking this up, everyday. Becoming more distant.
         
But then the exclusion started to happen. The horrible part of my life. It occurred the night of the school social. When it truly begun. I had been looking forward to it since they announced it was on. The theme was fluro.
         I was standing in my room with Mia. She was going too with her friends in year nine. We were picking out clothes. It was hard. Most of it was too big. I had mostly black clothes. There was no color in my chest of drawers. So I pulled out my favorite pair of black skinnys and a band shirt that my cousin got at a concert.
         ‘Amanda, you can’t wear that.’
         ‘Why?’
         ‘It’s black. The theme is fluro.’
         ‘It is all I got.’
         ‘Why do you wear black?’
         ‘Because it sort of covers my belly.’
         ‘Amanda, are you kidding? You are thinner then me.’
         ‘You’re joking, right. Look at you. You are a twig. I am so fat. Look at my muffin top.’ I pulled up my shirt and Mia looked closer.
         ‘Amanda, all I can see skin on bone.’
         ‘Don’t. Just please don’t talk about my weight. Okay?’
         ‘But you’re too skinny.’ She pulled out a bright pink dress out of her drawer. ‘I don’t fit into this. You wear it.’ I pulled it on and put the belt around the top of my stomach. It was pretty. Not my type of thing. But it fit me. So, I went against my gut feeling and wore it anyway. The horrible thing was that you could see my developing skin on bone. It was getting worse. You could see a heavier layer of skin over my ribs.
         I asked everyone if I could if I could stay at their house the night of the social. Nothing. When it was the night of the social, I was left with nobody’s house to go to. So I arrived at the gate, not wearing make up, but the small dress that I looked completely out of place in. I crossed to Sarah. She took one look at me.
         ‘What are you wearing?’
         ‘A dress? My cousin gave it to me.’
         ‘Well, you look stupid and it doesn’t at all suit you.’
         ‘What?’
         ‘I know what you said about me.’
         ‘Said? What did I say?’
         ‘That shit that you were spinning about me and the girls.’
Melissa, Joanne, Sarah and Renee came up behind her.
         ‘What are you talking about!’
         ‘We’re the sluts, aye.’ Melissa snarled. And they walked off. Then I had the worst night. Everyone refused to talk to me and there was nothing to do but sit on the chairs, while the others laughed and danced. The worst night of my life. And complete torture.

         Until I am left, alone, sitting on this lonely old seat writing my story. Of what has happened to this point. That is me now.
         And I am back to what I have always been. The pit of my despair that I am always lost in. With nobody to turn to. And no one who even cares. Even would read my story. Because I am just a simple girl, that looks depressed all the time and is quite unsocial toward people. Maybe they think I am mad. Maybe they think I’m just not a nice person behind the expression I show.
         But they will never know. They have never read my story. And its not until you know the truth, that you can you judge someone. But the crewel reality is that this is high school. And you are fully judged before they even get a chance to know you. And know your story.       

Its just high school.