Depression for you

Depression for you…
Rain poured outside. The weather seemed to absorb how I felt. Where is he? Where could he be? Is he alright? Is he okay? Is he alive? I ask myself all these questions, but none get answered. All these worries and doubts cloud my mind, its hard to think. I try not to think of him, to distract my mind. But it always goes through the full circle and comes back to him. Confused and furious is how I feel. Confused, because I don’t know if he’s alright. Furious, because, this is obsession. I shouldn’t be wrapped up about him like this. But yet, I cant stop thinking of him. Where he might be, what he might be doing. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I shouldn’t be this involved.

I haven’t seen him in over a week. I haven’t seen him in that long either. I sent him a couple of texts with little sprouts of hope, only each to die, when there was no reply. I look out the window. No more rain, but still darkness. Cloudy and depressing. Which makes me feel even worse. Why cant anything make me feel happy again? Why cant I live? I feel dead without knowing anything about him.

I reach next to me to drink some liquids. To make things worse, I have a slight fever. Why cant anything go right? I have to do something. Anything to ease my aching pain. I realize that what will bring me back to life is seeing him. To see him, hear him speak. Only that would clear my mind. Again I look out my window, with a vain hope he might be outside. I try not to gain any amount of hope. It would only hurt more, when that bit of hope got squished. I cant help it. I got small butterflies of hope. Which quickly and quietly, turn into wasps, stinging everything inside. I feel a tear in my eye, which spills over and leaves a trail for others to follow down my cheek. I bent my head in between my knees and stay there, letting the anguish and agony wash over me, quietly and painfully…