The Only Reason I Cry

I remember the first time I spotted you, in that large, crowded hallway. You were dark and mysterious and I nearly swooned at the very sight of you. I remember your big purple hoodies and how I always stole them and adored them because they were the coolest things I'd ever seen. I remember my boyfriend introducing us. You were shy and innocent and almost petrified me. I remember the first time you called me and how we became best friends within moments. I remember how angry my boyfriend got. Then we just laughed because there was "like no way". I remember when he broke my heart and you called him an idiot for giving me up. I remember thinking how lucky your girl was to have you, and hoping that one day, I would too know what it was like to be loved like that.



I remember biting your thumb on the bus back to school. You thought I shifted something in it. I remember you breaking up with your girl and the first time we kissed. Your eyes were huge and mystical when we pulled away. I remember the first time I freaked out and you wanted to kill him for hurting me again. And how when he went crazy, you were the first to tell him to leave me alone. I remember at Continuation you texted me from the balcony telling me I looked beautiful. I remember all the nights I fell asleep in your jacket. I remember all the dreams I had of you and all the perfect days we had. The laughs, the smiles, the hugs, the jokes. But I remember the bad times too. When my Dad made me go numb. When your Grandma got Cancer. Then the worst. When I broke your heart. Repeatedly over nothing until you snapped, just like I knew but dreaded you would. I remember when you said goodbye, and ever tear I shed. I remember standing on the edge with my arms out waiting for someone to push me. For I had not the courage to take the small step. Nobody came.



I remember that time I took half the bottle and you did the same to get back at me. I remember staying up all night that night, crying, talking and spilling our hearts out. While the pills ate at us and made us ache. It was all to stay awake. For each other. We needed each other then. That night was the best night of my life. You told me it was yours too. I loved you then, like I've never loved anyone, before and since then. When you said "goodbye" I shattered. But your happy now and that's what matters. For that's a better ending than I could ever give you. I hope with all of my heart that you stay happy, for I will ALWAYS love you.



And I will never forget all you have forgotten. I don't want to forget the only real love I've ever had. Not the kisses, not the hugs, nor the phone calls, nor your jackets, nor the razors, nor the wrist bands, nor the pills or even the two broken hearts in the end. And I will never forget, you. The one and only...Secret Valentine...