Past Embarrassment

Anybody with sufficient knowledge about the world of insects and its past, should be aware of the current belief – common in many top scientists – that millions of years before our modern world formed its known status, a vast number of invertebrate beings walked the Earth in gigantic measures, due to – aside from other factors – the high temperature and humidity that were commonplace in primitive times. These great exoskeletons are believed to have ruled many zones of the planet, hunting down a spectacular array of small and intermediate mammals. An ancient evolving cousin of our race was a usual victim of these hunting machines, fact that stands as a theory to justify our fear of spiders.

This particular time however, is much more important than we have ever known. Late studies provided by the Assembly of Alien Archives have revealed a crucial truth in understanding our complete place in the Universe. It was this time coincidentally, when a race named the Gandlions visited our home planet.

At the first convention of the Andromeda Planetary Systems held six hundred Earthly years ago, famous admiral Eckhart was sent to perform the presentation of the human race to the other civilized species. After the Sioldromes gave their speech and showed their coordinates – to our amusement, these jellyfish looking strangers reckoned themselves in an all-ocean planet in the Sirius system – it was the time for us to be introduced.

When the holographic map was turned on and just before Eckhart was able to talk, the Gandlions left the room in an indigent gesture, as their steel boots hit the floor with enough vibrations to make the Sixilians – no hearing orifices in their evolutionary millennia – turn their ovoid faces.

After the necessary diplomatic measures, Gandlions and Humans became the powerful allies that today enjoy prosperous exchange of scientific and mineral knowledge. However, political authorities never believed important to know the truth, as Eckhart himself said: “We have tirelessly catalogued every single star. Why should we be bothered by cultural nuances?” Over a century ago, when relationships with our neighbors entered a temporal critical stage, certain historians felt the need to discover what was behind that dramatic episode. Finally, after thorough research and political agreements, the story was revealed.

The Gandlions are a race to be considered highly wise and evolved. By the time Julius Caesar I was betrayed by Brutus, this particular civilization had reached the known historical age of “Dark Technology” – a desperate time when no major scientific breakthrough takes place in a thousand years -. But given only their physical aspects we are to have nothing less than amusement and honor: their high-humidity home world made these reptiles the rulers of their land. Although Gandlions are bipeds shorter and wider than humans, they could have been mistaken for a prankster wearing an alligator costume. They keep a spinal column and brain very similar to our own, despite their cold-blooded circulatory system.

While arachnids and snakes grew much larger than men, Gandlions gave farewell to several thousands of exploratory ships, all destined to different locations in the Andromeda Galaxy. Being masters of the wormhole technology, they reached the center and outer shores in less than five hundred years. Template characters as they are, their only quest was to find civilized life, or life trying to reach a civilized stage, everything bound to be considered purely scientific: it was finally the time to have a much more detailed map of the cosmic surroundings.

After the scouting ship destined to reach Earth had passed Jupiter, a deep scan revealed that the only place far and close enough to the Sun was that rocky planet presenting a special mixture of the colors green, blue and brown. Normally, a vessel with such fine design would have no need to abandon the safe vacuum of space and land on an unknown conjunction of risks. However, a powerful close-up of what seemed to be Africa demonstrated few creatures actually moving on the surface. Reluctantly, a much smaller ship abandoned the main one that rested in a tranquil orbit just above the atmosphere. This group was determined to identify us, put us in their own list of primitive worlds, and label us according to their nomenclature.

Gandlions have always had hatred for missions that required leaving the comfort of their suite-class space ships. They are rather demanding on the quality of life they live: no Gandlion was ready to leave its paradise planet until the invention of a powerful climate imitator appeared, taking more than half a century of hard work. They are reptiles in essence, and cannot travel comfortably if they don’t have a place where to lay themselves over a big branch and enjoy the warmth and pleasure of a tropical weather.

The small explorer landed right over the drought that extended itself over miles and miles of deserted hills and mysterious caves. What caught their attention and resolved their minds was a lying specimen that remained still and seemed to be peaceful. Specialists – relying not on photographs but on a translated copy of the ship’s log – have expounded on the idea that a dead mammal resided right where the accident took place. What made the Gandlions think this creature was alive is thought to have been the strong northern wind pushing the body meter by meter over hours of observation.

After the mighty space travelers knew the lifeless state of the resting body, a discussion between the four astounding astronauts began. Quietly as they speak between them – only a feline has enough hearing spectrum to be able to hear them -, they started to form theories and possible outcomes of the operation.

After a complete exposition of possible variables, three of them – mayor scientists and great professionals in their area – decided to get back to the ship before sunset, as time for resting had been reached. However, a surprising happening sustained by a broad random haze of possibilities shook their static behavior.

The one far from the group took only a single step back in order to skip the dead mammal and walk towards the ship. In that simple and single vibration on what seemed to be a canvas of white silk, a twenty-feet exotic tarantula came out of the floor and bit the reptile in the neck, drawing it down to her burrow. The remaining explorers ran desperately to get inside the ship’s safety and closed the metal bridge. They waited and waited in fright and panic, only to see a monstrous eight-legged killer come out when the sun was hidden and constantly turn and wrap the only Gandlion to be murdered in outer space. An image bathed by the sole moonlight revealed the horrific scenery night after night. Turning and turning and wrapping and wrapping, held by two front arms at the border of the insect’s mouth, as two of the back legs stretched the silk and accommodate it around the body of the victim.

The Gandlions left the planet after two years of angry investigation. When they reached their home world and delivered the respective reports, the classification given to our system was: “Maximum danger. Hostile residents only.”

THE END