Cherries: Part One (Ch. 1-4)

Chapter 1:          The Ordinary

Sitting on the front porch, and the air is cold. It’s September and already it’s too cold for my tastes. Another car goes by – burgundy, 1998 or so. Ah, what do I care? I’m not a car kind of guy anyway.
         I don’t want to sit here anymore. I’m going insane minute by minute... I should probably go pick up my guitar and try to finish learning that new song. I don’t have the patience for that right now, though.
         My phone vibrates in my pocket. It reads: “One new text message.”

Hey Matt. Boredommmm. Come save me? ~Tess

         This could be an escape from the sullenness of my yard.

Yeah be there in 2. [MaTt]

         I get up off the concrete of my porch and dust off the back of my jeans. Then I wipe off the remaining grit from my hands.
         The small rocks crunch under my feet as I walk alongside the road. There is never anything new in this neighborhood. The same blue minivan in the front yard across from mine, and the same small swing set in the backyard beside mine, and the same quiet hangs in the air all the time. For a neighborhood with more than one teenager in it, it’s strangely quiet. Although, I’m not so rambunctious, Tess isn’t loud unless provoked, and Crystal is always at work or at practice.
         Turn a corner, and at the cul-de-sac sits Tess’ trailer. There’s a dog pen in the back with 3 dogs, running and yowling and slobbering. As I get closer, they get louder. I still can’t tell whether that means they like me, or they don’t like me, or if they could care less who I was, just that I was a person walking up to their territory. Maybe they were just excited by the newness of someone else in their yard. Maybe they are tired of the sameness, too.
         Just as I go to knock on the door, it swings open and Tess is standing in front of me. Short brown hair with a blonde streak or two right in the front, saggy jeans with a chain hanging around the left pocket, and a white tank-top with a grey bra strap showing. She is my best friend, and she is sexy in a way that hints at a self-destroying innocence. I shouldn’t even be having these thoughts about her, but I can’t help it. I haven’t been able to help it since the first time I met her. There was always just something about her that is raw and grinding itself against the edges of my consciousness every second I’m near her.
         “Hey, darling!” She shoots me a goofy, exhilarated smile. “Quick, into the house so you can help me kill the boredom monsters!”
         I chuckle, “We’re killing boredom monsters, huh? Tekken-style, or Mario-style?”
         “Uhmm… Manga-style.” She positions herself in an attack stance and kicks, making a hi-yah sound. She attempts a graceful roundhouse kick, but ends up falling over the arm of the couch and hitting her head against the corner. “Owwwch!”
         “Smooth move, ace.” I give her my hand to help her up, and she takes it, sneering at me for my smart-mouthed comment. “Wanna try that one again?”
         “Ugh, no thanks…” she says, rubbing her head. “You win this time, boredom monster.”
         “I don’t think so, Tess.” She looks at me for a split-second before I go in for the attack. It’s a mess of a fight: tickle here, punch there, wedgie here, pillow to the face. Nothing out of the ordinary.
         It’s really terrible how fast I turn into a little kid around her. Is that a bad thing?


Chapter 2:          Not So Ordinary

         School is...

         School is… Umm… ?

         School is. I trek my way through everyday, and I watch everyone’s pitiful drama. The hook-ups. The break-ups. The fights. And I pity all of it. They are all so stuck in their own little orbs of drama. None of these kids realize how much better off they could be if they would just stop putting importance on such trivial matters. Always, with the three vices of high school: 1. Alcohol, 2. Drugs, and 3. The opposite sex. They lack the intelligence and ability of introspection to see anything other than the small worlds they live in.
         Even Katrina. She’s decently intelligent, decently introspective, one of the only people who can understand me to a level. But even Katrina concerns herself too much with trivial issues.
         Her particular vice, number three.
         Though, I suppose I can give her a bit of leeway. The person she constantly talks about is her ex-boyfriend. She’s actually in love with him, as he was her, and matters of such have more importance than those little school-girl crushes. Still, I do think it’s too much attention on something that’s over. She confided to me on a half-sheet of paper in first period:

I just… I don’t know what to do. I was fine with him out of my life until last night… He was broken. Someone like him should never have to feel like that. He’s too strong of a person to ever be like that. And I couldn’t help but cry because… I still feel his pain… I didn’t want to admit it, but I realized I’m still in love with him.

         I sit there examining the note, trying to think of how to respond.  I’ve never actually been in love and been loved in return, so I can’t fully sympathize with her.
         I saw her looking at me, obviously awaiting an answer. So, I had to wing it.

Well, at least you can admit that. It’s never good to be in denial about how you feel.

         She reads over my words. As always, she’s not pleased by my answers, and she asks for more.

What am I supposed to do?

         As if I can tell her how to live her life. I almost think she’s too afraid to live it herself.

The only thing I can tell you is to hope for the best.

         Katrina purses her lips as she reads my response. Then she’s suddenly distracted from responding by the boy sitting across from her who keeps spitting smart-alicky comments, and she keeps laughing like one of those girls you see on TV. Isn’t it funny how quickly her worries are diverted?
         As she slides the note under her text book with a shifty glance toward it, I realize perhaps she wasn’t distracted by the boy - but rather she was looking for a way out.
If you can’t find an answer to your current problem…find a new problem?

*          *          *          *          *

I think I like Brent… ~Tess

Really? [MaTt]

Yeah… ~Tess

         Must I torture myself with this?

Ah… Where did this come from? [MaTt]

         Apparently, so.

Idk. He’s cute and he’s sweet and  really funny. He has been flirting with me lately./ ~Tess

My gag reflex kicks in. Brent? Brent Smith? Brent Smith and my Tess?
Well, not my Tess, but…
         
Tess, he’s one of my friends and all… but he’s not the best guy. [MaTt]

         By “not the best guy,” I meant that Brent Smith is completely immature, ignorant, and cares for no one but himself.  Except for maybe Charlotte, but she is ‘out of his league’ and he knows it.
         I stop for a minute and take a breath. Why is this getting to me so much? Brent probably won’t pay her any mind after this. That’s exactly how he operates. I swear he’s bi-polar.

I don’t see why I shouldn’t give him a chance. ~Tess

         It’s never going to amount to anything.

Suit yourself. [MaTt]


Chapter 3:          Sickening

         What. The. Hell.

         Friday night was complete and utter chaos. No, madness. No… to be honest, I don’t know what the hell to call it. Stupid drama with ignorant high schoolers – and at the center of it was Tess and Brent.
         Apparently Brent had caught wind of Tess’ crush on him via Crystal. (Or so the story went.) Being the ignoramus he is, he ignored Tess for a good portion of the night.
         
         God, I don’t even know why I am still thinking about this. Stupid, useless, completely trivial drama!!

         Anyway – tears, confusion, and more tears follow. Tess didn’t even want me to see her crying, but I caught a glimpse of her huddled in a corner with Kristina. So, by the end of the game, all of Tess’ friends (save me, of course) are pretty much in hate mode whenever they see Brent. That’s not the part I have a problem with. What I have a problem with is that Brent told Tess that “he thinks he might like her, but is not in a relationship-y mood.” Uh-huh…
         But the madness continues.
         By Saturday afternoon, they were together.

         I’d said I would watch after Tess this year because ninth grade is a transition year. I’m now trying to understand the boundaries to which I can stretch “protection.” If I had my way, she wouldn’t be anywhere near Brent Smith for any length of time. Somehow, though I’m not sure I will ever understand it, Brent seems to make her happy. I won’t stand in the way of her happiness.
         No matter how stupid it is.
*          *          *          *          *          

         I’ve found that most of the time, I’d rather be at school. It’s the place where I get to see my friends, and it keeps me away from the mundane that is home. The only drawback to school is the massive amount of teachers who have no idea what they’re doing. I think they should make a point of checking educators’ ability to educate. It seems as though anyone can get by these days.
         That goes for a lot of other people as well. It just seems to me that everyone is deathly inadequate. Everyone here knows what to do; they just don’t know how to do it.
         Katrina was talking again of her ex. I don’t think that girl thinks of anything but him. Or, rather, can’t think of anything but romance and love in general. Why waste so much energy worrying over something that, when it matters, isn’t even a matter of intelligence or reason? She puzzles me… but her take on a few things intrigue me as well.
         When at the point in our conversation today, I feel, she got tired of focusing on her inability to make her issues right, she mentioned Tess.

She gave us a heart attack last night.

How so?

Her and lover-boy disappeared for a few hours. No one knew where they were. They weren’t answering their phones… Trying to pull a Bonnie-and-Clyde.

Hmm… I didn’t know about that.

Really, I thought you two were close?

We are.

Oh. Well, anyway, I left her a message telling her that her mother was looking for her, and that we were trying to save her butt. Her and her little Romeo caught it close.

Hah… Sounds like Tess.

         But that was a lie. It doesn’t sound like Tess at all. I didn’t think she could be that careless…
         Oh well. Other than that, the two seem pretty blissful and all-caught-up. Might as well leave them be.
*          *          *          *          *          

         I knew it would happen eventually. Brent’s true colors are beginning to show.

He’s getting mad at me over stupid things! ~Tess

Like what? [MaTt]

I don’t know. Anything that bugs him at that moment. Ugh! ~Tess

         This is starting to sound familiar.

Yeah, didn’t I tell you he acts nearly bi-polar? [MaTt]

No. ~Tess

         Damn those thoughts that you think you speak out loud, but you actually don’t. Societies’ stupid manners.

Oh. Well, he has a lot of moments like that. [MaTt]

He hasn’t before… Grr! If he’s going to act like an ass, that’s fine. I can be a bitch back. ~Tess

         Apparently, Brent isn’t the only bi-polar one here. Maybe the match isn’t that bad… Or maybe that’s a stupid thought.
*          *          *          *          *

         My hand hurts from writing. I was holding the pencil too tightly. It’s too quiet in this classroom and it’s making me nervous. It’s never quiet here.
         I look over to Katrina, who’s writing intently and has about a quarter of a page left.  I’m surprised that she’s not stealing glances at the boy across from her. She’s normally flirting to no end with him, but today she looks as if she’d rather be anywhere else. There is something scribbled in the corner of her paper – a heart enclosing a “C” in the middle.  Hmm… that might be why she is so quiet.
         The boy across from her is writing very slowly. His eyes keep darting from his paper to the question in the textbook. He starts to write something, and then erases it. I don’t know what’s on his mind right now, but I don’t want to find out. Katrina finds him entertaining – I just find him dim-witted.
         The guy sitting across from me is sleeping. As usual. It baffles me how he gets away with it in an Honors class, but again, the school system fails to recognize error in placement.
         I slouch in my chair a bit and sigh. This is so dull. I glance around the room: writing, texting, whispering, writing… looking? Jasmine Quincy quickly turns her eyes back down to her paper when I meet her glance.
         I assume it’s nothing, because she goes back to writing. Yes, it was just an occasional glance up. But my eyes stay locked on her. Long, straight black hair; smooth, dark skin;  her fingers, gripping the pencil, are long and look so soft –
         My pocket vibrates. Not exactly the sensation I was expecting to come from my pants at that moment, but…
         I flip it open to read the message:

I think he just broke up with me. ~Tess

Oh… I’m sorry. [MaTt]

         I wait for five minutes and no answer… Is she not going to respond? Oh wait, here is a response. Oh, and it’s in two parts – this will be interesting.

I just… I can’t believe this. He said we had nothing in common… Nothing in common? We wouldn’t last three weeks if we had nothing in common! Ugh!... *sad face* I just feel so bad right now… I wanted him to be my first. ~Tess

         The bell rings. I hadn’t noticed everyone has been packing up around me. They all file out of the room, but I can’t move. I’m glued to my seat, afraid that if I get up, I will start running and find Brent Smith just to tear him to pieces.
         “Matt?” Katrina stands at the door looking at me. I wave her off and begin to gather my books.
         Brent Smith is never going to touch my Tess again.


Chapter 4:          What’s This?

         Head in her hands, Tess sits across from me. I reach my hand over to place it on her shoulder. She looks up, her eyes gleaming, hinting at is about to come.
         “You can… Don’t…”  I sigh. I’m not normally short for words like this. “Tess.”
         “Yeah?” She stares at me, as if she’s waiting to hear that the world outside of this bedroom is ending.
         “Come here.” I open up my arms and Tess moves herself to sit beside me. She rests her head on my shoulder as she starts to sob. In this moment, I don’t know how to feel. I hate seeing Tess like this, but for some reason I’m glad that Brent is gone. More than anything, I am distracted from both of these thoughts by the fact that she is so close to me right now.
         As she heaves at my side, I pull out my arm and place it around her shoulders. I run my thumb back and forth along her arm where my hand rests. She takes in a big breath and sits up.
         “I’m… I’m sorry,” she whispers, wiping her eyes. “I was trying not to do this.”
         “He’s not worth your tears, Tess,” I reassure her. My side suddenly feels cold.
         She gives a weak laugh, as if that was a silly notion. “I meant I didn’t want you to see me cry…”
         “Why not?” You would have let him see the rest of you. I throw that thought away before it can go anywhere else.
         “Because,” she says as she runs her left hand through her hair. “You don’t deserve to see me cry.” She looks at me, half-smiles and looks down.
         “You don’t deserve to have to cry.” I think I had too much to o much of an edge to my voice. Luckily, I don’t think she heard me.
*          *          *          *          *

         “Hey, have you seen Tess?” Katrina asks as she sets her books outside of our first period class.
         “Uhm, no, I haven’t.” Tess hasn’t talked to me much since she went home last night.
         “Urghhh… Guess I will have to hunt for her. Would you take my stuff in for me if Teach lets you in before I come back?”
         “Yeah, sure.” I watch Katrina as she runs off in the direction of Tess’ locker. They’ve become quite close lately. I suppose that could be a good thing. Katrina has a tendency to spill a lot of information, so I’m sure I could get from her what Tess won’t tell me.
         The fact that Tess might keep something from me kind of bothers me.
         Mrs. Walker (or Teach, as Katrina so affectionately calls her) walks around the corner and up to the door with the keys. Ass he hoes to unlock the classroom door, I pick up Katrina’s bookbag and purse. Great she has me handling her personal effects now. But knowing Katrina, she will probably squeal her thanks as soon ass he walks in the door.
         Going into the classroom, I’m still thinking about Tess and secrets. I don’t really know why it would bother me, because I have my own secrets, for sure… but Tess isn’t a very secretive person to begin with. At least not with me. Lately, though, that seems to be changing. Why would she want to hide things from me? What could she hide from me?
         For the tiniest second, I entertain the idea of Tess feeling something for me, but I waved that thought off as soon as it appeared. Tess is too immature to think of me like that. We’ve been friends as long as I’ve known her, she probably thinks of me as more of a settlement in her life than a romantic interest.
         I set Katrina’s bags on the table beside her chair, sitting upside-down on the table tops. As I take down my own chair, a kind of soft, sad realization washes over me: Tess isn’t able to see me as more than a friend. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a way to change that…
         Katrina busts into the room, her brown curls bouncing, and with an informed expression on her face. Noticing her bag on the table, she chipped “Thanks bunches!” She sets down her chair and sits, scrunching her mouth over to one side, just bursting with something to say waiting behind her lips.
         “So, what’s new?” I know this casual greeting is just enough to set her story off.
         “Ohmagosh, Tess is making plans to get revenge on Brent! Did you know he broke up with her for someone else? Anyway, apparently he did, and she is PISSED and totally on a revenge high right now.” She stopped to catch her breath, as she had said all of that in one take.
         All of a sudden, I burst out laughing. I laughed at the idea of Tess getting revenge, the idea of Brent leaving her for someone else (even though that tidbit bugs me – he is such a pompous ass), and the idea of what might happen to him if she actually followed through on her supposed plans. “What does she plant to do? Who did he break up with her for?”
         Katrina crosses her legs and sits up straight. “Oh, Tess said she doesn’t know. She said she thought it was this one girl in the band… Which, that doesn’t say much, but if you ask me, I think it was Sehara. You know how he always felt about her.” Katrina put her elbow on her thigh and rested her chin in her hand. “As for what she’s gonna do, she has a whole list of options. I think she said she favors the laxative brownies.” Katrina shot up her eyebrows for added dramatic effect, though it wasn’t needed. The only thing that could be worse than laxative brownies was Tess baking. That was a disaster waiting to happen.
         “Does she think Brent will fall for it?” That’s a stupid question – of course he would. If she actually did it.
         “Dunno. I don’t think she’ll really go through with it. I think she’s just entertaining herself.” That’s exactly why I like Katrina, she has the ability to be on the same brain waves as me when she tried. “So, why are you so caught up in this?”
         The question caught me off guard. “I don’t know… because I’m her friend? I mean…”
         “Uh-huh…” She cut me off and then just gave me this look as if she knew something. But then she turned around and started flirting with the boy across from her again. Always with the damned flirting.
*          *          *          *          *

         It doesn’t ever stop. The constant complaining, and huffing, and whining over Brent rings in my head twenty-four seven. It’s all Tess will talk about at school, at home, on the phone – even all her text messages are about Brent. I’m slowly going insane from the audacity of these conversations.

Hey Tess, what’s up? [MaTt]

Not much. Just thinking about Brent. ~Tess

Why do that? [MaTt]

Because I gave my heart to him. And because he is such an ass. Idk what to do. I love him but I hate him. ~Tess

         She can never make up her mind whether she’s mad at him or upset by the situation. She constantly flip-flops between furious and devastated at such a maddening pace. But I jut sit there and try to be neutral about it, and off my condolences when necessary. I’m trying to just be there for her. I somehow feel like I am failing miserably.
But how do you fail at being there for someone? I used to think that it was just by not being around or not caring, but I am. I’m right where she can find me, and I go find her most times. I walk right out of this house at the most random times, like when I ought to be doing homework or practicing, and I go to Tess’ house because I feel like she may need me. And I do care. I sit there and listen to her, listen to every maddening gripe and sickening mumble. I make her laugh when she starts to cry. Every time she tries to say that Brent it so great, I remind here that she is better than him, that she can do worlds better  than him. But I don’t think she hears me. And I don’t know how to make her hear me. That’s why I feel like I’m so bad at this.
I don’t even know what she ever saw in him. Maybe if I knew what it was about Brent that affects her so much, I could do the same thing, have the same level of persuasion and use it against Brent.
         The only thins more torturous than listening to Tess complain and praise and literally cry for that asshole is knowing that I’m not helping  it If she were to show the slightest change, the tiniest clue that she was retaining anything I’m telling her, then I wouldn’t be so bad-off right now. But nothing. She’ll call and be in tears, and we’ll go through the motions for an hour or so, and she’ll get off the phone sounding half-convinced, but then the next day, she will call back and it will happen all over again.
I go to sleep thinking of Tess. I have nightmares of Brent pointing and laughing in my face. And I wake up feeling like the shittiest human being on the face of the earth.
         I almost want to  say that misery loves company, but I cant think that she’s doing this purposefully. She’s hurt and she doesn’t realize she’s hurting anyone else. I don’t have the heart to say anything to her about it, because it’s not about me. It’s about Tess. As soon as she is happy, I will be happy. I can’t stand to see her suffer. Someone like her doesn’t deserve to suffer.
         I now understand completely what Katrina was taking about.
*          *          *          *          *

         Katrina slid the folded piece of paper to my open notebook.

Hey what’s wrong? You look pretty down.

         I might as well tell her. I think she knows anyway.

I like Tess a bit more than originally planned. All this stuff with Brent is getting ridiculous.

         When Katrina read my reply, she has a quick moment of satisfaction, but then quickly wiped the look off her face, probably hoping I wouldn’t see it.

Yeah, that’s what I have been thinking for a while. What they say is true, you know. A guy and a girl can’t be friends without something happening at one point or another.

         Katrina, Katrina, Katrina.

There’s not much of anything from the other end of the equation, sadly.

Hmm… Well maybe when she gets over this whole Brent thing…

That’s just it. She doesn’t seem to be getting over it at all. She just keeps wallowing in this mix of self-pity and anger. And I don’t know how to help her get over it any faster.

         Katrina takes a few minutes to respond to this. I am hoping she is gathering up some mighty wisdom.

Give her an alternative to consider. Do you think she sees you in that way at all?

I don’t know. I hope it’s possible, but I don’t know if it’s very likely. I think she sees me as more of a brother than anything else.

Hmm… Well hopefully you can change that. I’m rooting for you. =]

Thanks.

No problem.

I have a question, though.

You have a question for me? Go ahead…

This whole “self-sacrifice” thing, where you’d rather see the other person happy than be happy yourself, how does that all work? I mean, how do you survive it?

         Katrina fondled her black butterfly necklace as she wrote her answer.

There really is no specific way to survive… It’s as simple as this: If you can provide a reason as to why you’re suffering for that other person – maybe it’s seeing them smile at least once a day – then you will survive. It’s not easy, and it’s tiring, and definitely painful as hell. But if you care about someone enough, that love will fulfill all the needs you have. That’s what will keep you waking up every morning.

         There wasn’t anymore room left on the paper, and seeing as how I would never be able to respond to that in any amount of intelligent words, I leaned over to Katrina and whispered, “Thanks, Kat.”
         She smiled and whispered back, “Like I said, no problem.”
         Before this moment, I think I underestimated Katrina’s comprehension of the situation she was in. I wonder if any of that was working out for her. “So, how’s everything going with…?”
         She smiled weakly and replied, “I woke up this morning.” She rested her elbow on the table and placed her head in her palm. With her right hand, she kept fondling that black butterfly necklace as she struck up a today’s conversation with the boy across from her.