To a Beautiful Friend

This is to you my most trusted friend
A time-honored salute to you
Who in the end taught me what it was to lose
I write this in regret of sins past
A time when I was too young to know
Exactly what to ask-and so
I go on day after day
Head filled with doubt
And mind numbing pain
I’ve never failed at anything
I’ve ever tried to do
But now sitting here-thinking
I can’t help but miss you
And now I know
The only contest lost
Was the one with most to gain
So I hang my head down
And drown in my shame,
Wallow in my sorrow
And quench my thirst for you in pain
Knowing all the while that
As much as we’ve changed
Things could never be the same
So I must strive to become
The greatest friend you’ve ever known
Resurrected from the ashes of a truly great love
One which can never be shown
This is to you a beautiful being
A toucher of souls,
So caring, so feeling
An angel, a goddess, a lover- pure chaos
Whatever the case I raise up my chalice
Give a toast to the past
And bathe in your essence
Saturate in the joy of overindulgence
Kneeling beside you now I confess
The love of one of the almost soulless
The memories I have I could never replace
Of you and I alone, me trapped in your gaze
That moment, the pause of all time and space
And what was the cause,
Your beautiful eyes and your innocent face
Still reeling from the moment I’ve tried to forget
Flailing in the sea of my own foolishness.
But when redemption is a lie
And forgiveness obsolete
I find myself living for tomorrow
Reveling in my own defeat
There was a time when all that I wanted
Was to stand by your side unafraid and undaunted
Those times are still alive and yet they are dead
And somewhere in between I’m floating like lead
Through the river of my own deceit
A lie to myself-a sheltered retreat
One day I hope things will turn around
Heaven will laugh and the fates will frown
Consuming each other in what should have been
Then we will find solace in newly formed sin
But until that day we both know where we stand
We are a fading memory sinking in the sands
Of time begging for freedom-and being declined
Digging out of our graves climbing the vines
Heading for sunlight, reaching for life
An end to our suffering an end to our strife
But until the day we can scream out I’m free!
Just remember I love you never forget me.