Dear Sarah

I miss you.

I miss everything.  Every smile, every hug, every laugh.  The afternoons we spent together.  The smiles or tears, so clear in your voice when we spoke on the phone.  The shared secrets, the absolute trust.  Having someone to whom I could tell anything.

I miss being loved.

I love you still, and I don't know if you realize it.  I watch you, stay around you as much as I can.  But it hurts.  It hurts worse than I ever thought it would.  Every time I check my phone and see no calls, no texts, every time I come sit by you in the morning or at lunch and you seem slightly annoyed by my presence, every time you walk away from me without giving me a hug, my heart breaks a little more.

Everything reminds me of you.

Every song, every poem, every book, every movie.  I think about you all the time.  And I can't stop.

I don't know what to do.

You're in so much pain, so tired and in constant turmoil.  I don't want to add to the burden you carry.  More than that, I don't want to lose you, as I know might happen if I confront you and make you clarify your feelings for me.

What do you want?

Do you want me to go away, go back to my other friends and disappear from your life?  Do you want me to stay around and accept the position of 'school friend'?  Do you want me to be your best friend still, or at least a good friend?  I need to know.  I need you to tell me.

I'll be waiting.