Proposal and a Sudden Loss

I watch out the window for his car, as I do every day when I’m waiting for him to come home. When we are apart, I’m never whole. As every car passes our house, I jump to see if it’s him. And, every time I am sadly disappointed. Tonight was the first time in weeks that he had been late coming home. I gazed outside wondering when he would pull in. Just like magic, there he was, pulling into our driveway and my face grew a smile. As I watched him get out of his car, my grin got bigger and bigger awaiting his entrance into the house.

He came through the door, and I bounded into his arms. We kissed, and he gazed into my eyes with those beautiful eyes that you could stare into forever. I smile up at him, holding him tight. He broke my hold on him gently and stepped back away from me. I attempted to move with him, but he held me back. With a swift movement, he switched his footing and kneeled down on one knee in front of me. I mouth dropped open with so many questions going through my mind. Tears came into the corners of my eyes as a rush of emotions overtook my body.

He grinned up at me and took out a black case. He opened it, and inside was the most beautiful diamond my eyes have ever laid my eyes on; the diamond was on a very impressive setting of a ring. “Hey beautiful, don’t cry. I just wanted to tell you that you are my everything and that I would do anything for you. You will never know how much love I have for you. I want you in my life forever, and I have known that the entire time that we have been together. You’re amazing, Ashley. Will you be the one I can always count on, will you be my wife; the one I will be with forever?” he expressed with such emotion and so much love, that I realized that he was actually as devoted to me as I to him.

He stood up and held me in my arms, not waiting for me to answer. I stood there for a long time just being with him. I had known that it was coming, but I had still had to process every word and realize that all my dreams were coming true. After a few minutes, he squeezed me tighter, and called me back to earth. With a smile, I replied with such certainty that I was sure to convince him that I need him as much as he needs me, “Of course I will, Connor. You are everything that I have ever wanted, and what you said to me just now, it is exactly what my heart has been saying all along. I love you with all my heart.”

He stepped back away from me, and slid the elegant ring onto my finger. We both stood and studied it for a moment. After a moment of admiring the ring, I looked up at him, and stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. This kiss was unlike any other because I knew that he was truly the one I was going to spend forever with.

We stayed up late that night, and finally got to bed around one in the morning. I was so tired that I could barely wake up at all the next morning when I was supposed to, so he kissed me and told me to go back to sleep. After about an hour, I heard him re-enter the room, and felt his soft lips upon my cheek. I heard him say, “I love you, beautiful,” then exit the house.

I awoke a few hours later to the phone ringing. I slowly dragged myself out of bed and walked into the kitchen. I picked up the phone and glanced over at the table where there was a note addressed to me. Without looking into it more, I said hello into the phone. As the person on the other line spoke, my bottom lip trembled and tears formed in my eyes.

***

As I sat in the hospital room, I couldn’t stop looking at his still body. The beeping of the respirator was a quiet reminder that his heart was still beating. Even though I knew that was a fact, I still couldn’t help but think his life was slipping away ever so slowly.
I felt my heart breaking as I sat there listening to his heartbeats slow. “Please wake up,” I pleaded to him. I sat there for a moment with tears forming in my eyes, and just like an answered prayer, he opened his eyes and focused on me. I smiled a broken smile and bent over to kiss his fragile lips.
“I love you so much,” I whispered, feeling as if it would be the last time I would get the chance to say it. His face softened and gazed into my eyes with great meaning. He slowly took a deep breath and said, “I love you too, beautiful, that will never change.” After a second more of looking up at me, his eyes closed, and he slipped away.

Time seemed to freeze as I stood in horror looking at his lifeless body. “CONNOR!” I screamed. “Nonono, please no,” I sobbed as a nurse rushed in and restrained me from getting closer to him. A doctor quickly came in and began to perform CPR on Connor’s body with the paddles as I watched horrorstruck. As the paddles thumped down onto his chest, I let out a cry of pain. As each pump was set off through his body, I felt a jolt in my chest, as if it was I who was trying to be revived.

After a few minutes, the room fell silent. All that was heard was my sobs of pain, and the long, steady monotone of the respirator. They called the time of death and covered Connor’s body. As that sheet covered his face, the last happy part of me died. The doctor told me that I had his deepest sympathy and he and the nurse that was restraining me left me to my grief.

Through my tears, I stumbled over to the bed at which my previous life lay dead. I fell to my knees beside him and gripped his hand. It was still warm, as if he was still alive and breathing. With a cry of pain, I buried my head into his hand and sobbed. I can’t believe that it happened like this, and at this time. Right when my life was perfect and exactly how it was supposed to be, it all slipped away in a matter of hours.

“Why,” I kept asking myself. But never did come an answer. The only one who ever understood me lay dead in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it. The one that I had shared so many memories with and went to when I was sad couldn’t help me up this time. I know that I will never be alright without him.

A light tap on my shoulder brought me back to reality. The nurse who had restrained me earlier was standing behind me with a worried look on her face. “Maybe you should get yourself cleaned up and get out of here, it does nothing to sit here and cry,” she mused. I glared back at her and snapped, “There is no reason to clean up, no one to go home to. I’m staying here and crying my heart out. There was NO ONE in this world that I cared about more than him. Without him, he’s not the only one who’s dead.” The nurse was struck speechless and silently left me to my sorrow.