Untitled-Chapter 1

She sat there in the doctors office, she could hardly believe what she was hearing."I'm sorry Mrs.Calderon i'ts HIV. There's no mistaking it...we did the test twice." The doctor sat down at his desk and handed over the test results to Alicia. "Is there any history of intravenus drug use? I just think at her age it's a bit improbable she got it from having unprotected sex." But Alicia knew her mother well and even at 54 she was still fast. All these years living in New York and her mother still couldn't speak a bit of english. She had asked Alicia to come with her to the doctor to translate. They had told her to come in that it was important. She didn't want to go alone and she especially did not want some nosy nurse knowing her business just because she couldn't grasp the english language. Alicia's mother understood the word HIV though. She had seen enough english language commercials about it. "No there's never been any use of drugs or anything like that." The doctor didn't really look too convinced. "We need to know how your mother got infected, That way may be able to prevent someone else for contracting the disease". Alicia looked over at her mother, She asked her in spanish if she wanted to tell the doctor about the men...all of them. Her mother nodded her head. After a run down of her mothers sexual history Alicia left the doctors office feeling she knew too much about her mother. The doctor gave her mother what seemed like fifty prescriptions and dozens of appointments. Her mother looked as if she were walking in a fog, like if she were about to float away and dissapear at any moment. They stopped at the crosswalk, Alicia remembered when her mother used hold her hand when she would cross the street on her way to school. Now she would have to get used to the idea of her mother slowly or quickly dying. The doctor said the speed of that was left up to her mothers lifestyle choice. Alicia hadn't noticed her mother had walked away from her, she didn't see her mother crossing into the street while the light was still green. But she when she did look up she saw it. The bus had no time to stop. Alicia screamed then it was over.



Chapter 1

There was no funeral, Her mother wanted it that way. She was cremated and her ashes scattered at a nearby pier. Right over the water, right into the wind. Alicia held on tight to her husband's hand. She stood there for a while, just staring at the water. It was just the two of them, no one else came. The ring from Raul's cell phone broke the silence. Alicia was more relived than annoyed, she welcomed the distraction. She looked over at Raul, "It's ok, answer it." Raul walked away from her and took the call on a nearby bench.
"Well mami I hope now you can rest." Alicia walked away from the pier, She felt a wave of relief wash over her. She was walking away from all of it..The last thing to remind her of her poverty stricken chilhood was gone. She walked towards Raul he was still talking on the phone. "No I can't do it today, We had a death in the family.Tomorrow then..O.k. bye." He looked up at Alicia, her face was sad but at the same time relieved. He hated to have to tell her he had to leave again. "I gotta go to Belize tomorrow. I'll be gone for about three weeks." Alicia's face changed to disbelief, she couldn't believe that he was doing this again. And of all times now." Are you being serious right now? you can't really be telling me this. My mother just died, can't you make this deal next week or something?" Alicias brown eyes welled up with tears. "you know it doesn't work that way. I have to take it when it comes. It's bad enough I pushed it back a day. I'll leave you enough money to buy yourself whatever you want." Raul put on that face that always got Alicia to agree to whatever he wanted. He'd look at her with his hazel eyes and just stare at her. She loved him and he knew it. He also knew he could get her to do whatever he wanted...because she loved him. "im going and it's final." Raul walked away from Alicia, leaving her alone, always alone.
Alicia sat on her bed and looked at the pile of money Raul had left for her. There had to be at least Five thousand dollars in that pile.She had made a little mountain with the crumpled up money. He didn't even have the decency to give her new bills. These were all dirty and still had the stink of crackheads and dopefiends. If she looked hard enough she could even see some specks of blood on some of the founding fathers. But who was she to complain? She grew up in a roach infested apartment surrounded by her mothers many Pimps, but she could still see the crust on the windows. Years of her mother refusing to pick up a broom or a rag had resulted in layers of grime all over the house. But what Alicia remebered the most were the windows. She could never look out of them. She could never see the view. She swore that as soon as she could she would see what was out there. And now here she was..staring at a pile of money. Never in a million years when she was growing up did she think she was going to have this. Money in piles on her bed and enough food in the fridge to feed a small country. She looked at the money...she had seen a really nice pair of jeans at Saks. She grabbed her pile of dirty money and stuffed it into her bag. She called this bag her "Sack of Dough" it wasn't the first time he left her money like this. She'd just take the money to the bank and deposit it in a secret account she had. Alicia wasn't stupi, she would never spend all the money, only half. Then she would buy something expensive enough so that he wouln't suspect a thing. Alicia loved Raul but she also knew men were fickle. And she wasn't going to be out on the street the day Raul decided that he'd had enough of her.
She trew the bag in a corner and started undressing to get in the shower when the door bell rang. She put on her bathrobe and ran to get the door. She looked thru the peephole and saw that it was Emilio. "Hey Emilio what are you doing here?" she said as she opened the door. "My brother said you were goin shopping he said to give you a ride." He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch and started watching the t.v. " I was so sorrry to hear about your mom...Are you ok?" Alicia stared into space..."she put herself out of her misery, don't feel too bad." Her monotone voice spoke volumes, she felt nothing on the subject except anger. She walked to her bedroom
and got dressed.

chapter 2

No matter how much money she spent she still felt like shit. She shopped on 5th avenue, something she only dreamed of doing as a young girl. Now 28 she had it all; an apartment in SOHO, a beach house in Puerto Rico and a closet full of clothes. Not to mention Raul, she loved him so much. SHe walked from shop to shop with emilio tailing behind her, his hands full of bags.
"Haven't you had enough retail therapy for one day?" Emilio asked feeling rundown from of all the shopping. Alicia tilted her head to the side and gave it a thought. Emilio did look a little tired, they'd been shopping for hours. "Alright let's go, im tired anyway." she walked toward where they had parked the car. She was in no hurry to get home. She was tired of going home to an empty house. "Emilio do we have to go home? could we go get something to eat instead? I just don't want to be alone tonight" Alicia liked being around Emilio he was funny and always made her feel safe. Emilio was her unofficial bodyguard, he always looked out for her. "sure where do you want to go?" she knew exactly where she wanted to go....Rodolfo's on 83rd and broadway, best pasta in manhattan. They had lunch and talked about alicia's mom. She cried and he comforted her. He made her laugh over penne a la vodka and glassess of pinot. She felt a little better, emilio had that effect on her. He drove her home and she talked about Raul, he's never home aways somewhere else. She cried again. "look you need to stop crying over my brother, he loves you and you love him you need to find a way to work it out" she shook her head"if it was thta easy we would been great right now." She got out of the car and walked toward the building. He got out the car and gave the door man the bags. "call me if you feel fucked up again" he said. She looked back at him and gave him a slight smile.
Raul arrived the next day. she went to pick him up at the airport with emilio. She watched him as he got off the private jet. He was dressed in a havana shirt and tan slacks. God he looked good she thought to herself. When he saw her he embraced her and kissed her lips. She had missed him so much. "how was your trip?" she asked on the ride home. "You know it's all businesss all the time, Im just glad to be home." He carresed her faceand kissed her again. She remebered when she met him, back then he was just hustling in the corner. Now he was moving the wieght and getting in with the big bosses. He brought her up from the ghetto and for that she was always going to be grateful. She was prostitutes daughter and he didnt care. They sruggled together for ten yyears, She saw him come up in the game, she was right there with him. She knew all about the drug business now, He taught her right.
As they pulled up to the building Emilio noticed a dark car parked across the street. The two men inside could be seen thru the dark tint. They looked like cops but it could have been anybody. "be careful brother it looks hot out here". Raul looked out his window and saw the car. "it's ok I dont have anything on me, so fuck them". The exited the car and took all the luggage out the nwhole time the two men in the car had their heads turned in their direction. Alicia got nervous but raul reasurred her the had nothing on im and besides his lawyer would have him out in an hour. They went upstairs.
The car was still there the next morning. If they were here for raul they really wanted him if they were on stakeout. By the time she woke up Raul was gone, out there making money. She decided she was going to spend the day in the old neighberhood. All her friends where still there and she wanted to see them. She called a cab to take her there she didnt want emilio tailing her today. As she walked out of the building the two men came out of the dark car. They walked towards her. She could see the badges hanging form their neck.These guys weren't feds the were NYPD. "Hello Alicia " the tall one said as if he'd known her for years. "who are you?" she said with a sneer. "No need for the attitude mrs. calderon, we just need you to take a ride with us" The short one replied. "I dont't get in strangers cars, besides how do I even know your real cops? You could of bought those badges counterfit. The cops laughed and looked at each other. "Oh miss Calderon you are funny" the short one said chuckling" "It's Mrs. Calderon" she said sternly. "im not going anywhere with you and unless your going to charge me something" This time they didnt laugh. The short one got in the car "You know this could be your last chance. We will get Raul it's only a matter of time" the tall one handed Alicia his business card then they drove off. She read the card "Detective Horus Ramirez, with a name like that he's gotta be a cop" she laughed to herself. She hopped into the waiting cab "take me to Dyckman and Nagle please". The run in with the cops left her a little uneasy, did they really have enough on Raul to move on him?.

Chapter 3