My Blog

January 18th, 2009



My name is Dani, and this is my first blog posting, so i thought I would elaborate a little on my life...

I go to this amazing church (which i'm not going to specify on due to safety reasons) in which I have made many friends, and I feel like I am myself there....the problem is, when I leave, I am this completely different person who is  faced with so many temptations due to, mainly, the obscure media and my peers. I've seen so many people who can just brush it off like it's nothing, but I can never seem to do it myself.

The other problem with my faith is the stereotyping. I am viewed as a Christian, so I have so much stress put on me. I basically can not mess up....ever! And if I do, every one starts calling Christians hypocritical. That's just how everyone sees it. EVERYONE has their problems, and, yes, the religiously active usually have a higher view on morality, but you can't automatically put everyone on that same level due to my actions. Or ANY Christian's, for that matter. We all have struggles with temptations, and we all slip up.

And, of course, like most other teenage girls, I have boy troubles, too. There's this guy....(that's how ALL of the troubles start, isn't it?) His name is ------. We both go to the same church, and recently, he told a friend of mine that he likes me (via email, I might add, so I got to read THAT whole fun conversation) and I have NO idea where I stand with him. We used to actually hate each other, but we started to tolerate each other when my best friend, Rebekah, started talking to him. Now, me and him talk, but I don't know. Would it even work? We don't go to the same school, so I would see him ONCE a week(maybe two times a week counting the times I go on Sunday's when I'm not at my dads). I've tried to sleep on the situation on numerous occasions, but I just wake up with a bigger and even more vague outlook of the situation. Hopefully, in time, it will work itself out....







January 20th, 2009



Reality sucks, doesn't it? You feel good for a period of time...until you recieve a brisk slap in the face with reality's cold, ruthless hand. You WANT to believe everything is going to work...you WANT to believe that it's possible for everything to go as planned, but when you finally realize that it WON'T and there is absolutely no control over the situation, you feel...awful. Nothing works out the way you want it to I want it to....more than ANYTHING, but it won't. My hopes were too high, and now i'm falling....hard. This feeling is usually accompanied by depression or pyschoticness, and it is the WORST feeling in the world. Just, go away, feelings!!









January 22nd, 2009



I apologize for my excessive, unnecessary depression. I was having an awkward day. Everything was dramatic. Anyways, everything is settled, but, of course, knowing me, I have a new problem at hand. As I have mentioned earlier in my "blog", I went to youth group last night. The sermon really...moved me. It is time for a transformation. Everytime I have been influenced by a lesson or message, I have never done anything to help it due to my lack of straight-forward energy. I have yet to put it into motion. I wish I could just.....change and be a better person.











January 27th, 2009



Snow days are the most necessary things to a teenager since the cell phone. I love them. :) I'm just going to leave it at that!











February 9th, 2009



With Valentine's Day approaching, what's a single girl to do? Honestly, I am a hypocrite. I wouldn't despise the thought of spending time with your significant other if it weren't for the fact that I'm always single this time of year, and that there are abhorrent memories tied with this day (ok, maybe abhorrent is a little strong).

This week, the bond between ------ and I has slightly...disconnected. We don't really talk as much anymore, and I find myself...not liking him as much as I did. Maybe it's because jealousy abruptly overwhelmed both of us, or maybe its because of the slight isolation we have unintentionally caused. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks (it's longer than it seems) and I haven't really talked to him since Friday. We have distanced ourselves, and I'm having those mixed thoughts again, and it is interfering with basically everything I do. Some how, I always find a way to revisit the thought of just forgetting all about him, and pretend like nothing ever happened. My problem is that I'm always afraid to commit. Currently, it is not jealousy that is overwhelming me. It is.....apprehension for Wednesday when he may FINALLY come to youth group. One can only hope.