Sarah's Story Part 1

Sarah
Tomorrow is the day, the day I can be sure never to forget. Here I am on August 30, 2009, sitting in the Ritz hotel. My husband, Andrew, has retired for the night as has my one-year-old daughter Andrea. What a day it has been today! Walking around in Paris, sightseeing, laughing, singing, but now the day is coming to an end and the hours are ticking by. It is daunting to sit here and watch the clock tick by into the early hours of August 31. You see, there is a reason why I dread that day and why I chose to spend it in Paris. It was the day I found out the horrendous piece of news that changed my life forever, I had just lost my mum. Paris was the dreadful city in which my mum died in on that fateful night. It is moments like these that I like to refer back to the fun times I had with my mum and my brothers. As children, we grew up with privileged surroundings and a privileged childhood. You see, I am Sarah Emmalina Charlotte Francis Windsor, known to most as Princess Sarah of Wales. I am the youngest daughter and last child of Princess Diana and Prince Charles of Wales. Let me take you back to the day my mum died. Through the past several years, I have been through a mixture of feelings and situations. This is my life story since that horrendous life changing day.

Chapter 1
“Dad, I didn’t say goodbye to Mummy!” I complained as my Dad tucked me in. It was the night of August 30 and I resisted going to bed because I missed my mum and wanted to hear her voice. I was only nine years old then; doesn’t ever nine year old girl want to be around her mum?

“Sarah, please just go to bed. I’ll talk to you in the morning,” my Dad said as he brushed me away and left to attend to his work concerning matters of state. This was nothing new to me, Mummy had always cared about my brothers William, Harry and I more than my Dad ever had. As my dad left, I cried myself to sleep. I ended up listening to “Wannabe” by Spice Girls from Will’s room as my lullaby.

That night, as I slept, I remember having several dreams after each other. Two of those dreams haunt me to this day. The first took place in my mum’s apartments, Kensington Palace, which we famously called KP. That dream took me back to the fun days there, playing with the Burell boys, Alex and Nick, as well as the Antons, Andrew, Robyn and little baby Rose. Both families were well known at KP, Alex and Nick’s father, Paul, was Mummy’s butler while Andrew, Robyn and Rose were my mum’s friend’s children, Lillian Denham. Those days were filled with fun, laughter and yummy treats! My eldest brother William was born in 1982, Andrew was born the year after that, then my other brother Harry was born in 1984 and Alex was born the next year.1988 was the best year for the three families as I was born in March of that year, Nick came in April and Robyn blissfully arrived in July. Finally in 1992, Auntie Lillian gave birth to the youngest of the clan, Rose. Andrew and I were what you would call childhood sweethearts.

The first dream that I remember was earlier that year in 1997 when Andrew, then 14, felt like “getting married,” and he took out a ring pop and proposed, jokingly of course! After he proposed, I looked around to find Mum and tell her the ridiculous news that her daughter was proposed to at nine years of age! The trouble was she was nowhere to be found. That dream then transformed into the second dream where the same thing happened, but this time, on the beach. I woke up to my mum screaming my name. In my bed, I heard voices, footsteps and I sensed the sense of chaos. This was very unusual at Balmoral castle at 3:30 in the morning! Before I knew it, my door opened with Harry, Wills and my dad parading into my room.

“Sarah,” Daddy began.

“Dad,” I interrupted, “What’s wrong?” I questioned him as I observed Harry sobbing and William looked so ill it was as if he was about to collapse any minute.

“Well…Sarah…You see,” Dad started, “There has been a terrible accident. Mu…your…your Mummy didn’t make it through. I’m so sorry Sarah!” Dad explained as he himself broke down in tears.

Something inside me wanted to scream, I was confused. I didn’t know what to do; it was as if the voice inside of me had been knocked out of me all of a sudden.

“NO!” I finally exclaimed! I took out all the anger I had in me on my dad, “Why are you crying?” I yelled at him, “You didn’t care about Mummy; if you did you wouldn’t have gotten a divorce. Face it; you love Camilla more than you have ever loved Mum!” I screamed. Camilla Parker-Bowles was his mistress while he was married to Mum and I despised her. It was Camilla whom I blamed for the break-up of my parent’s marriage.

William then found the strength to move. As he tried to take this news like a man, he was on the verge of tears and stumbled his way onto my bed, he lay down beside me and cuddled me as we both wept inconsolably. It wasn’t long before when Harry joined us as well. Not knowing what to do, whether to tend to his own matters of business or to console his three children, my father hesitantly left the room leaving us to drown in our own sorrows.

As the day dragged on, there were a lot of condolences directed towards my whole family, but I scarcely remember leaving that room. When you are a nine-year-old that has just lost a mother, the people around you are concerned and worried about you, but yet the only two I talked to and actually wanted to talk to were my brothers. I felt as if they were the only two that truly understood me. The day carried itself out as if it were a dream. Harry, Wills and I made it a point to be there for each other and to express our feeling to one another.

The week of my Mother’s death was what I remembered as the most dreadful and tormenting week of my life. My family and I were heading towards my mum’s family home, Althorp in Northampton.

“I don’t want to go to Althorp!” I complained. I knew that when we would have arrived, everyone there would just tell us that they understood how we felt. Like Mum previously stated, “You don’t know how it feels unless you were involved in that specific situation.”

“Sarah,” My dad began, “You will see your Aunt Sarah and Jane there! All your cousins from Mum’s family will be there as well. They are all there to comfort you.”

I was not looking for the comfort of my mum’s sisters or her brother. My cousins at Althorp were the last people I had wanted to see. The only people I was craving to see were my cousins Kitty, Eliza, Amelia and Louis Spencer. They are my mum’s brother’s children. Kitty and I are two years apart, yet we have been as close as twins ever since we were toddlers. The problem was, they were all in South Africa with their mother, Victoria. I wanted to see them badly because in March 1997, five months before the accident, Mum and I went to see Aunt Victoria, and her four children. We played and joked around with Kitty while the twins, Eliza and Amelia, who were two years younger, observed us before joining in the fun. We celebrated my little cousin Louis’s third birthday there in their huge house in an elite South African neighbourhood known as Constantia. Seeing them would bring me all the comfort in the world because of the happy times we had with Mum, whom they still remembered as Aunt Di.

Sadly, as we arrived at Althorp and walked in, everyone there trying to make us feel better. All the adults had tried to keep a straight face for the sake of my brothers and I, but there was one adult who couldn’t.

“I can’t believe she’s gone,” my Aunt Jane sobbed, as I sat beside her, “We never even made up, and now we will never have the chance to. She’s gone forever Sarah!”

What my Aunt said was true. She had been fighting with Mum for a while because Mum didn’t think that she was loyal to her. You see, my Aunt’s husband used to be my granny’s, HM Queen Elizabeth II’s private secretary. With that high position, he questioned many things Mummy did, and Mum thought that her own sister had turned against her and sided with her husband. Mum had the greatest ability to shun out whomever she distrusted, and that was exactly what she did with Jane although my Aunt did plead for forgiveness.

The rest of the day at Althorp was hard for everyone. Many of my cousins tried to crack jokes with Wills, or make Harry smile, but nothing worked. My Aunt Sarah sat me down and asked me to express my feelings, but I wouldn’t budge. I wanted to be left alone. I did not want to talk or see anyone around me other than William and Harry. I followed William for the rest of the day and held his hand like the shy little nine-year-old I was until my Dad decided it was time to leave.

Chapter 2
As the week crept on, arrangements for Mum’s funeral were being made. It was to take place on September 6, 1997. I used to sneak a peak at the newspaper whenever I could, only to find that the public were not to happy with the Royal Family and thought they were too inhuman. They thought that no one in the Royal Family cared for England’s precious Princess. My own brothers were even criticized for not showing their emotions in public. We were trained to do that at a young age, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t care!

The arrangements were made by the Royal Family as well as my mum’s family, the Spencers. We were to have a public funeral at Westminster Abby and Granny was to broadcast a televised tribute to her former daughter-in-law. I dreaded that day, I was forced to sit back and watch as my dad, granddad, William, Harry and Uncle Charles walked behind my Mum’s coffin, with their heads bent down and solemn expressions. I wanted to be with William and Harry. It was a hard concept for me to adjust to that my Mum was in that little box.

The entire funeral seemed unreal for me. It was only two weeks ago when Mum was having fun with us during out summer holidays, I sat there in Westminster Abby with people paying tributes to my Mother and Elton John playing an emotional version of “Candle in the Wind”.

After the public funeral, I was a little more relieved. We had a private burial service at Althorp for friends and family. By that time, Uncle Charles had brought his daughters back from South Africa, and Mum’s friend, Lillian Denham, was also invited to stay, so I had the comfort of three of my greatest friends, Kitty and Andrew and Robyn.

“Sarah,” Andrew started as he hugged me, “You know that your mother will always be with you, you have to remember all the great times you had with her, don’t let them fade away! I’ll be there for you if you ever need anything. If you want to talk about anything, you know who to call on.” He continued as he embraced me affectionately.

I got this from almost everyone that knew Mum, but it was Andrew’s that meant the most to me. I knew that he was a friend that I trusted would care about me and make sure that I’m alright, along with his sister, and my other best friend, Robyn.

As we were outside burying my mother, I wanted to run away. I felt the urge to hide somewhere where no one could see me, and to convince myself that this was all a dream. I ran back into the house and towards the Library as I threw myself on the nearest couch and cried my self sick. I knew that denying the truth was no good. It wasn’t going to change anything.

“Sarah! Sarah!” I heard a worried woman’s voice call. “Sarah where are you? Ah there you are!” The woman who I now realised was my aunt Victoria, cried in relief as she opened the door and found me. She searched for me along with her two little angels, Kitty and Amelia.

“Mummy,” five-year-old Amelia started, “Why is Sarah crying? She was always happy. Did she wet her pants too?” she asked her Mum confused.

“No Amelia! Only you do that! Sarah’s a grown up! She’s a big girl!” Kitty explained to her sister as she laughed at the silly comment.

“Girls,” Aunt Victoria started, “Sarah is just upset that she no longer has her mother with her right now, right Sarah?” she asked my as she held my chin and turned it towards her to make eye contact. I nodded my head.

“Sarah do you know what Daddy told me? We should try and remember the good times we had with Auntie Di before we forget them. Remember the time when your mum came over to our house in South Africa and we played dress up, then I put a sweater over my head, and Auntie Di chased me around as you ran after her trying to catch the both of us? Don’t forget those memories, because soon, you will forget them.” Kitty explained to me in an attempt to console me.

When that didn’t work, Aunt Victoria held my in her arms and sang me a lullaby. It sounded familiar at first, but I could not remember where I had heard it. Suddenly, as I closed my eyes, I was taken back into a dark room with a nightlight on. Beside the nightlight was a bed, and on the bed was a woman. As I moved closer to the bed, I recognised the woman as my mum singing to a little girl, who I soon realised was me a long time ago. I heard the same lullaby that my aunt was singing, the only difference was, the voice wasn’t my aunt’s, it was mum’s!

I stopped my aunt in the middle of the song, “Aunt Vicki,” I started,” did Mummy sing that song to me when I was a little girl?” I asked her as my eyes welled up with tears.

“That’s right Sarah! She taught me that lullaby so that I was able to sing to my children. Did you know that she was one of the first visitors to Kitty’s bedside when she was born? I remember that night as if it was yesterday. It was the night of Thursday December 27, 1990. On account of the contractions and the panicking, as the baby was not due for another month, I was rushed to the hospital. After the unexpected surgery I had to have I was delighted when on Friday December 28, out came Katherine Eleanor Spencer. Your uncle and I wanted to name her Katherine, so we did. When your mum came over to visit about four hours later, she asked us what the baby’s name was, and we told her it was Katherine. ‘Katherine is such a formal name Vicki, you should call her Kitty because she looks like such a cute little kitten’ was the suggestion your mum made and that was how Kitty’s name came to be. Now, let’s go back down with the other grownups and your cousins. If you don’t want to talk to anyone, just hold on to me okay?” my aunt asked me. I nodded my head as I clutched her hand, rubbed the tears out of my eyes and bangs out of my face, and proceeded down the steps with Aunt Vicki, Kitty and Amelia.

Chapter 3

School began the second week of September. I woke up thinking to myself “I don’t want to go to boarding school! I don’t want to be alone.” Since Mum’s death, I had the urge to be around my brothers as much as possible, my dad, thinking that I was acting strangely, took me to a psychiatrist who explained to him that it was perfectly normal if I did not want to be alone, and that many young children develop this when go through an upsetting or traumatic experience. I dreaded the thought of being sent of to boarding school once again, and being all alone while William was at Eaton College and Harry at Ludgrove School, I did not want to leave to St. George’s school. All I wanted was to hear Mum’s funny stories, help her sort out her problems, or even hear her hysterical giggle.

“Sarah, are you up yet?” A voice asked as Wills entered my room, “Come on, it’s time to pack your bags, Dad’s going to drive you to school this morning, up you get!”

“What if I don’t want to go? I don’t want to go to school! I want to stay here and think about Mummy! The more I think about her, the closer I feel to her.”

“Okay, but I don’t think Dad is going to buy that excuse. He will be bloody angry”

“It’s not like I care William! He doesn’t care about me one bit, so why should I care whether he is angry or not. Please Wills, just get out!” I yelled at William which brought Dad running to my room to see what the commotion was about.

“Bloody hell Sarah what’s wrong with you? Why are you yelling at the top of your lungs? You know it’s against royal protocol to yell. My god, are you still in bed and not yet dressed? Sarah! I hope you do realize that we are leaving in fifteen minutes, where are your suitcases?”

“Maybe I don’t want to go to school dad! I want to stay here and think about Mum! I want to be close to you! When Mum was alive, I used to talk to her daily and see her every weekend, I’m going to feel like a bloody. orphan now because you never call and whenever I need to talk to you, you are always off on business!”

“Oh wow!” Wills laughed as he backed off, “I’m not getting involved in this….too much drama for us men!”

“It’s not funny Wills! If you’re going to laugh at it, then leave,” I yelled.

“Sarah, control your emotions! I thought I raised my daughter to behave better than that! You remind me of your mother, and you saw all the hurt and anguish she has been put through, I don’t want you to end up like that Sarah,” Dad proclaimed walking out of my room.

“Well, who is the one who caused her most of that anguish?” I challenged, “I am going to where Mummy is!”

After hearing his daughter criticize him and threaten to take her own life without even realising it, he froze at the door and stared at the wall. Dad knew what to do though, “Sarah, you are obviously not going to listen to me, and I know that you would want to be with your Aunt and cousins in South Africa because you love them so much, I mean, you obviously love them more than you love me, so I’ll get you on the next flight to South Africa, but not on my private jet. You can stay there for a month, but when you come back, you are going to go to school. You will have a lot of work to catch up on. I will call your uncle to see if he can take you there as there is no way I am going to let you go alone, it’s too much of a risk.”

Chapter 4

“Calling all passenger on flight 457 heading to Cape Town, please head to gate 51, calling all passenger to Cape Town, please head to gate 514,” the PA was heard over the hustle and bustle of people in Heathrow Airport.

It was the last time I was to see my Wills, Harry and Daddy for a month. I was heading to South Africa with Uncle Charlie to meet his wife, soon to be ex-wife, and kids in Cape Town.

“Bye Dad, I’ll miss you, and I’ll make sure to call.” I bid farewell to Dad as I started tearing at the gate. With fury, he ignored me, avoided eye contact, and stormed off as I was left to talk with my brothers.

“See you in a month Sis! We’ll call you daily, and please be careful; we don’t want to loose you too!” Harry and Wills hugged me as my uncle and I headed towards the security check.

That flight was one of the best moments of the month. The relaxing sleep, the feeling that I was leaving behind all my problems in the UK to spend a month in South Africa.

“Would you like anything to drink Ma’am?” the airhostess asked as she approached my uncle and I with a tray of drinks.

“Sarah, do you want anything?” my uncle asked me, as I was sitting on the window seat and he, on the isle.

“No thank you, I’m fine for now,” I replied shyly.

Out of the 12 hours of our flight, I spent at least eight of them blissfully sleeping, it was the first time in about two weeks that I had slept so peacefully, calmly, and the first time that I had not dreamt of my mother. I was surprised when I woke up, that I had not dreamt about Mummy. This had upset me because I though that if I had not dreamt of Mum, then I was slowly forgetting her. I sat there, starring at the seat in front of me for over an hour, fretting about the thought of even forgetting my mother. As my uncle slowly woke up from his sleep an hour after I had, he stared at me and smiled.

“Sarah, you are worried about something, and darling, don’t tell me you are not because you act like your mother did when she was worried. You know, every time I look into your dazzling blue eyes, which you inherited from her, I remember her!”

“Really Uncle Charlie,” I asked, “do you really think so?”

“Of course I do, but you know what, let’s not talk about Diana now. Are you excited about going to South Africa for a month? You must be considering your going to be seeing Kitty, Eliza, Amelia and Louis again! You and Kitty can never have too much fun when put together, you two were a perfect match from the beginning!”

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, you seem a little distracted, what is bothering you?”

It was here that I started to tear up a little. I didn’t want to tell my uncle about the conflicts between my Dad and I, or my worries about forgetting Mum.

“Never mind Uncle Charlie, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, if that’s the way you feel, that’s fine, just remember that if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to, I’m here for you,” he reassured me as we embraced and my eyes welled with tears.

An hour later, the airplane pilot announced that we were arriving at our destination, and as the plane slowly descended, I saw an absolutely magnificent sight that I can still picture today all the mountains, greenery, the Indian Ocean and the South Atlantic Ocean surrounding the land. The closer the plane got, the more I saw of South Africa. This was not my first time visiting the country as I had been here six months earlier, but it is just a sight to be forgotten.

Chapter 5

“Sarah, keep an eye out for your suitcase,” Uncle Charlie warned me after he found his on the baggage belt.

“Oh, I found it; it’s over at the end though.”

“Okay, here it comes, ugh, god that’s heavy!” he laughed mocking my ridiculously light suitcase.

“What can I say? I barely had a day to pack!” I chuckled.

We piled both suitcases on the baggage cart, and left towards the “Arrivals” gate to meet my Aunt and the kids.

“Sarah! Mum there’s Sarah!” I did not have to look around for long before I saw six-year-old Kitty jumping up and down waving at me. I could not help but to wave back and run to the five of them. As I hugged all of them, my Aunt saw my uncle. They greeted each other with silence and cold stares. It was Amelia who broke the silence, tugging on her father’s sleeve, “Daddy, Daddy, I missed you!”

“I missed you too Meils! Those two weeks that I spent away form the four of you were just unbearable, but you knew I had to be there for Sarah and the boys. All that matters now is that I’m back, and so is Sarah!”