Perfect lies for the perfect place

For the first time I was dreading this trip.  It was an odd feeling.  I loved the place we were going to, but that summer I did not want to see the people.  It was the annual farm trip.  Every year my dad, mom, brother, and I go to Pennsylvania to my great grandma’s farm.  Even though now it is my aunt and uncles farm because one year ago my great-grandma passed away.

         Usually these trips are the best.  My aunt and uncle live in a small, dirty house. (This drives my mom nuts.)  My uncle works on the tractor all day while my aunt does laundry and cooks.  I love them, but when I am there I do not see them to often.  Who I really spend time with at the farm is my cousin Noelle.  She is two years older than me, and until recently who I wanted to be.  Her and my grandma come up to the farm from New York at the same time we do.

         My cousin and I had a great relationship.  We were best friends, at least from my point of view.  But she has lots of family trouble that caused her to make bad decisions in life recently.  My mom had told me to talk to her about this because she believed I knew right from wrong.  But I knew that I would not be able to stand up to my cousin who I had admired for fourteen years, I was simply just not that strong.  So on this trip to the farm I was not at all excited to see her.

         When Noelle showed up I acted as if I knew nothing.  I always do this though.  She preached to me and I listened, nothing ever changed.  It was sunny out the first day.  So we did what we do every farm trip.  My dad, brother, Noelle, and I went fishing in the lake.  Noelle and I caught most of the fish, putting my brother in a bad mood.  Together my brother, Noelle, and I went into the barn and jumped on the hay stacks.  Then later Noelle and I walked around spitting sunflower seeds.  The day was fun, because the farm is always fun, but very normal.

         That night I slept at the farm for the first time ever.  My mom is very uptight about the farm.  I think it is because it belongs to my dad’s family, but I could be wrong.  So Noelle and I hung out all night.

         Now this whole night I wanted to confront Noelle with everything I knew.  She kept talking and I kept looking for an opportunity to tell her.  But Noelle finally got to the subject by herself.  When she did she went on and on about how drugs, sex, and smoking is so bad.  I wish I had got the courage up to tell her I knew she did smoke, drink, and do drugs.  But she told me herself that she was clean.  She had quit smoking, and hated people who drank and did drugs.  And of course I believed her.  For the fourteen years of my life Noelle had told me what I thought to be the truth, so I took it as the truth without considering it might be a lie.

         The next day was cloudy and it looked like it was going to rain.  For everyone else that meant sit on the roof covered porch and play with the kittens.  But Noelle and I are strange people, we both love the rain.  So we went out for a walk.  It was just Noelle and I.  Little did I know this would be one of the best walks of my life. 

         We set out on the path we always take into the woods.  It was odd not having Blacky around.  Blacky was the farm dog that had been there my whole life.  But she had passed away with my great-grandma that passed year.

         Not that far into the woods there is this broken down house.  Usually we are allowed there but recently it had become even more unstable and rotten.  So my father had told us not to go in it, but of course we did.  This house has two floors, but the stairs had been destroyed for as long as I could remember.  So I had only ever been on the first floor.  But Noelle had been on the second floor, she had gotten there with her older brother Kyle.  Kyle now lives in Utah, and he has been out of my life for three years.

         Noelle slowly followed by me went around and inside the house trying to figure out how to get up to the top.  “This is the room!  This is that stable room that Kyle went in, I know it,” said Noelle pointing up.  So it was decided, that was the room we were going to get in.

         There was still a dilemma.  How would we both get up?  Half of the floor above and below us was broken through.  If I was ten feel tall I could have just climbed up being careful not to fall into the hole that lead down into the-what-used-to-be-basement.  What we did have to work with was a window.

         Our success was mostly Noelle’s idea; actually it was all Noelle’s idea.  She was the one who kicked down the old door and brought it to the window.  She was the one that set it up so we could step on the door then climb onto the top of the window.  But I was the one who had to try it first.

         I think the reason I went up first was because I was lighter, but I do not think that really mattered.  I was more of a guinea pig, and Noelle was waiting to see if her invention worked.  I was terrified though.  One false move and I would end up falling, and eventually dead.  But I made myself hide my fear because I wanted to be like Noelle, and she is the most adventurous person I know.

         It took a lot of time and help holding on from Noelle, but I made it.  It was the best feeling.  I was actually on the second floor!  I had always thought I would never get up there.  Noelle soon joined me and we hugged and laughed.  I sat down in and old creaking chair that had been there for years, probably more than I had been alive.  Noelle reminded me of our idea to write our names on the walls.  I took the brick in my hand and wrote a huge RACHEL WAS HERE 2007 on the wall.  Noelle had done something artsy and I was jealous.  Compared to hers my handwriting was awful.

         But then Noelle heard a truck, and I heard my dad’s voice.  If he caught us in the house, not to mention the second floor, we were dead.  Not only dead, but I would never be trusted again.  I panicked.  Noelle told me to lie down and be absolutely silent.  I though we would be caught for sure.  “We should just give ourselves in, my dad might understand,” I said.

         “No he won’t.  And I will get in trouble for this.  Your mom will blame it all on me and hate me even more,” said Noelle.  And this was true, we both knew it.  So I listened to Noelle and kept silent.

         “RACHEL! NOELLE! RACHEL! It’s time to go back! RACHEL! NOELLE!”  My dad screamed.  He was not that mad.  But he was under the influence of my mother, I could tell.  Something told me that he did not really care just as long as we ended up alive.  But I could be wrong.  Either way I was still scared and trying not to think of what would happen when he caught us.

         I heard him walking right by the house.  Now I was hardly breathing, worried he might hear my breath because it sounded so loud to me lying on the floor.  I heard my dad mutter something about the house, but I did not understand it.  Finally I heard the truck move and leave.  Relief filled my body.  Noelle was right, all we had to do was be quiet.

         After that Noelle and I left the house.  Going down the door was scary, even more so than going up.  But us not being caught was a confidence booster for me.  I felt like I could fly!  But this was soon proven wrong when I slid the wrong way down and cut my leg.  All was good though.

         So Noelle and I went off into the woods.  Both of us have a huge love for the woods and the animals inside them.  Once we crossed the woods and were into the field I saw the blue truck again.  It was my dad and uncle.

         “Why didn’t you hear me?” asked my dad.

         “We were just…” I was stuck for words.  I probably would have given in if it was not for Noelle.

         “We were deep into the woods.  I guess we just did not hear you,” she said.  Noelle was a life saver.

         “Okay,” my dad responded.  He believed it I could tell.  “Are you coming home?”

         “We are just going to walk a little, we’ll be back soon,” said Noelle saving us again.  I guess she is used to lying.

         So my dad left.  It started to drizzle.  Right now we were in this huge square of grassland, still on our property though.  Think of a typical old farm field and that is what we were in.  And this grass field is on a hill, so you can see nothing but beautiful land for miles.  It was paradise to me.

         We walked some and by now it was pouring rain.  It felt great.  We started to run feely screaming and going absolutely no where.  From anyone else’s point of view we would have looked like idiots.  But to me, it was absolute freedom.  I still felt this small hatred deep down inside for my cousin but for some reason in that field, on that walk, everything went okay.  There were no thoughts other than of that moment.  Because in that moment I was free.  Free of the past, free of the future, free of my problems.  All of that was back home on that porch saved for later.  I headed out into the rain on an August day.  Nothing but that moment mattered, just running with the rain down my face and soaking into my shoes.

         Eventually our random running took us somewhere.  It took us to the edge of our property.  Noelle being adventurous said that we should go into this new land and explore.  I could not say no, it was just too good of an opportunity.  So we ran into the cornfield of the unknown neighbor.

         This was actually very scary.  For all I knew a mad farmer with a gun was around the corner.  So Noelle and I hid in the cornfield.  And this was more fun than it seems.  We pretended we were little animals, like prairie dogs, and occasionally popped up to look around.  By now Noelle and I were separated and every time we popped up together we burst into laughter.  If there was an actual farmer with a gun we definitely would have been shot.

         Then Noelle heard a noise.  She said it sounded like something was running.  I believed her and immediately became scared.  I moved to the edge of the cornfield and saw something amazing.  Out of nowhere four deer came jumping and running out of the corn right by us.  It was beyond cool.  I was stunned, Noelle and I talked about it for what seemed like hours.

         Eventually we went back to our house.  This night there was supposed to be a lunar eclipse.  So my brother and dad stayed the night.  The eclipse was not until five in the morning.  Everyone went to sleep, except Noelle and me of course.  I stayed in our room with Noelle until everyone was asleep and then went outside on the porch.  We had to sneak out being really quiet.

         Outside at night on a farm is the most peaceful place ever.  There are more stars than you could imagine and silence is everywhere.  I took in this moment as best as I could, knowing that it was my last night at the farm.  When I think about the moment now I wish I took it in a little better.  It was the last time I would sit with Noelle and not seriously secretly hate her and suspect every word of hers a lie.  I wish I had told her things then that I want to say now.  The opportunity was there, it was an opportune moment that passed by like the howling wind against the empty barn.

         On that porch we sat together like we had during the day every summer for our whole lives.  Except this time it was just us, the two of us sitting in chairs with words passing from her ears to mine.  The words soaked into me.  We talked about great-grandma and Blacky.  But it was Noelle alone who talked about her dead mother, loser father, and far away brother.  She acted as if we were from separate families.  It was as if I was just some stranger listening to her problems and her story did not affect my own.  As if Kyle was not my cousin and Tanya was not my aunt, it did affect me though.  I tried my hardest not to let it show.

         Noelle moved on to the topic of high school.  She talked about her experiences and warned me about the ones I would soon have.  She told me to be nice to everyone and be strong.  That day I thought she spoke from her own experience so took it all in.  Believing every word is so much easier than suspecting a lie.  It was only later at Thanksgiving that I found out that Noelle herself had lots of enemies and was not strong at all.  She had done the things she made me swear not to do.  But I listened for hours and took in the beautiful scenery.  We went back upstairs as the 3am fog settled in.

         The eclipse was horrible.  The fog covered everything.  I was half asleep though so I did not care all that much.  My family left the farm that morning.  Sad goodbyes took place around noon.  Five hours later in my room I decided that it was not the people I missed but the place.  The farm has a way of only showing the best in people.  Maybe it is the clean air or the absence of neighbors.  But the farm set off all my problems during that moment in the fields.  It let me be friends with a person I can not stand now.  This was probably bad because it let me believe all the lies.  But I will always remember that field, and that moment.  When I was free and everything was perfect.