Young Love

         Some people believe it’s better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all. I say, screw those people. Love is something you don’t just lose. It’s not a t-shirt that’s been lost since the day you spent the night at your best friend’s house.  You don’t just wake up one morning and think, Hey, I lost my love. It takes effort and energy to lose love, and you’re not losing it, you’re giving up on it. Like I said, you can’t lose it; it remains with you for the rest of your life. Only when you give up on love does it leave you. I’ve never given up on love, it’s given up on me a few times, but it’s never been the other way around.
         The first guy I ever fell in love with, shattered my heart afterwards. We’d been friends for two years before we starting dating, but even as friends we’d always wanted more. It took time and a lot of drama before any progress was ever made.
         His name was Luke Gibson, and by all means he was amazing. That kid had a way of making me really laugh like no one else ever could. He could also make me smile just for him, no matter how sad or angry I was. It was a talent that I hated him for, because I could never stop thinking about him and how he made me feel. He brought me happiness in a place no other person had in a long time. He brought me love.
         We danced around the issue of “us” for an entire year. We didn’t know whether or not we should try because we were risking a beautiful friendship that was stronger then many we’d ever had. The second time he broke my heart was during this time. Those two words that no girl wants to ever hear, “Just friends.” It was like being stabbed in the heart over and over again. All I could think about was how he didn’t want to be with me, and I felt worthless. But that day, I realized I loved Luke. Not in a he’s my best friend type of way, but as in I can’t breathe without him type of love. That feeling in your chest when he’s gone that you feel like will never be filled without him. Yeah, that kind of heart-wrenching love.
         I thought it was over, I thought that no matter what friends would be all we ever were. I told him the next day about my cousin who died of polio and how the bracelets we were wearing symbolized so much to me. They were a piece of my heart, and so was he. I didn’t tell him this to change his mind, I told him so that’d he’d always know how I felt about him. I didn’t tell him I loved him, how could I? I might as well have told him I wanted to bear his children. Telling him I loved him would make him think I was crazy. That’s not exactly the impression I wanted to leave him with.
         Something happened though, something changed in him. By the end of that day we were back to being more the friends. And the next day we were official. It was a little note in our English class during our final asking me if I would be his girlfriend. It was so juvenile, but so cute. Moving quickly you would say? I’d agree. But that’s how we were, dramatic. Luke and I never did anything the easy way.
         From then on, that’s exactly how we were. Dramatic. He had to deal with my past of a million lives, but once that finally settled, things were perfect. For the most part, I had no more skeletons in my closet, and he had none either. Falling in love was one of the best things that ever happened to me. To feel so safe, to feel so loved, was beyond words. There was no better thing in the world then to be in love. And that’s what I was, in love.