To all I have called my lovers:

Calm, Calm, Calm...and I don’t care.

The lies, the hurt, the anger...you’ve used me and I am okay.

I should be used to it by now...and I am.

It’s my fault anyways.  It always is.

You can die for all I care.  No, I don’t mean that.  But we are NOT friends...I will no longer play these games.  You’ve treated me like shit and I dislike you for it.

I’m always the one to be the “better person.”  But you know what?  Fuck that.  I’m not doing it anymore.  I will not justify your actions and lack of human decency.

No, I don’t care.  I don’t care about you or you’re bullshit.  I don’t care if I ever see you again.  I don’t care if I made a mistake by giving myself to you too soon. 

That’s what I do.

So desperate to feel human emotion...so desperate to feel something real...just so desperate to feel...anything.

Of course you can’t understand that.  Not many people do.  I suppose you shouldn’t be blamed for your lack of understanding.

But I will blame you anyways.

I want to scream from the mountain tops, I want everyone to know...stay far away from me.  Leave me alone.  Every single one of you are killing me, you are stealing the air from my lungs...

Every time I give part of myself away, it is murdered.  I can’t do this anymore.  I can’t let you continue to drain my soul away.

What happened to empathy?  What happened to compassion?  What happened to morality?

Do not tell me to wise up.  I already have.  Do not tell me it’s just “the way it is.”  I refuse to believe that...it takes the blame away from where it belongs and all of you should take responsibility for your recklessness. 

Oh how I hate the act of sex...how sickening it has become to me.  Something that should be so wonderful is just so meaningless and disgusting.

You have ruined me.  I hope that means SOMETHING to you, anything.  I hope you can at least feel regret for your selfish desires.  I know that’s a long shot though.

How I despise the word “whore.”  How I despise the man who coined the term and made us this way.

I fear that I’ll never know true love-making.  All I seem to know is casual sex.  Ah, casual sex...what a concept.  As if there is anything sporty about it.

I hate you.  I hate each and every one of you in a way you will never understand.  I hate that you have taken so much from me...and I hope the heartache comes back to you tenfold.

Because you’ve made me hate myself more than I already did.  I hate my body and the dirty things it has done for you and to me.

I am so ashamed.