Anywhere But Here

Daily Prompt Contest Entry – Oct. 16, 2008



Word Count: 744



A witch, a ghost and a mummy walk into a bar.  They had been chuckling at some private joke, but once inside they became quiet.  They looked around, and saw a rag tag bunch of construction workers and low-level office grunts. 

The mummy leaned in and whispered, “Ah, maybe this isn’t the place for us.  I don’t know it seems kind of strange.”

“Don’t be such a sissy.  After all, what can they do to us?”  The ghost hissed, then gave an evil laugh.

“Where do you think we should start?  At the bar?  Or,” the witch gestured with a nod, “over there, in the corner?”

The ghost floated towards the corner, and hovered over the chair in the corner.  The other two followed, carefully picking their way in between tables.  Judith sat down demurely, removed her hat and signaled for a waitress. 

Karnak, the mummy, scriggled into the other corner, and after adjusting his wrappings, finally managed to lower himself into a chair.  He hoped his chair was cleaner than the table, which he found unpleasantly sticky.  He’d just had his wrappings cleaned, and he couldn’t afford to have them cleaned again for a while.  Besides, he always felt so ‘exposed’ while they were at the dry cleaners.

The waitress finally made her way to them, and stood, expectantly.  So Judith took the plunge.  “Yes, I’ll have a cosmopolitan, my friend here, “ she said, pointing to Karnak, “will have the most oldest beer you have, and,” she turned to Gus, the ghost, questioningly.

“I want you your rarest single malt scotch.” 

Judith glowered at him.  “Why is it you always have to have the most expensive drink in the place?”

“Oh, stop you’re bitching.  After all, I only get the one.  Besides, the good stuff has the most aroma—and that’s the only way I can enjoy things.”

“Yes, but since I’m the only one of us working, I do think I should have some say about how MY money is spent.”

“Yes, yes…blah, blah blah…please, Jud, we’ve heard it all before.  You have been whining this same song now, for what…Six hundred years?  I have it memorized.  If it will make you feel any better—and quiet—I’ll recite it to myself later.

“Now, the problem at hand is where are we going to go for our vacation?”

“I want to go to the beach…” Karnak blurted out.

“Oh, now there’s a surprise.  You ALWAYS want to go to the beach.”

“Well, we are not going to Scotland again.  My wrapping got so damp they started to mildew.”

“You just don’t understand.  The cold and dampness is good for my ectoplasm.  It rejuvenates me.”

Judith rapped the table.  “Shut up, here come are drinks.”  She pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and handed it to waitress, “Thanks, hon…we’ll call you if we want anything else.” 

The waitress took the money and started to turn away when she stopped, “I don’t want to be rude or anything, but…”

Judith butted in, “You want to know if we’re going to a costume party?  Well, as a matter of fact, no, we’re not.  Now, please…”

But the waitress shook her head and broke in, “No.  Really.  I was just wondering if your friend,” She pointed to Karnak, “is dating anyone?”  She slipped a cocktail napkin into Judith’s hand.  “Please, just give him my number.”  She gave him a sly smile, and put her hand to her face, to simulate a phone and mouthed “Call me.”  And returned to the bar.

Gus frowned.  “Oh please, tell me it didn’t happen again.  What is it with you?”

“It’s my cologne.  It’s an ancient Egyptian blend of herbs, and rare oils.  I’ve offered to let you use some…”

Gus put his shimmering, transparent hand up, “And just how do you propose I do that?”

“Oh, yeah.”  He smirked, “Oh I guess I forgot.  Sorry.”

“Enough of all this.  We need to make plans and make them fast.”  Judith hissed at them both.  “It’s nearly the beginning of October.  We need to finish our vacation plansand get them confirmed.  We need to get out of town, and fast. 

“You two remember what happened last year, don’t you?  Everyone wanted us to be their new best friends.  It was horrific. 

“Will you two focus.  We have to get out of town SOON—before they” she gave a nodding gesture, “make Halloween a living hell for us.”