Judge not lest ...

“Hello, Arthur Crane from Gourmet Dining magazine here. May I speak with Bartholomew Proudfoot, please?”

“Speaking. I've been awaiting your call.”

“I'd like to thank you, Mr Proudfoot, for taking part in our little contest. You received our package?”

“Yes, yes, and I kept it at the refrigerator temperature you requested. In your letter you neglected to supply the names of the other contestants.”

“Beverley Bruit, food critic of the Evening Standard, and Jamie Twist of Gilbey's Restaurant Guide.”

“Oh dear, hired hacks. How tiresome! Well, let's get started.”

“You have the box to hand?”

“Of course.”

“I suggest you put your phone on the speaker. The combination of the lock on the box is zero three zero five zero eight.”

“Okay, I've opened the box. What have we here .... ah, yes. Hmm, we have a small unmarked pot of caviar, and a small bottle of sparkling wine, possibly champagne.”

“Correct. Shall we start with the caviar? There's a caviar spoon in the box.”

“I believe I can identify this just from the look! Or would that be too easy, I wonder? Mmmm ... yes, this is definitely Russian ... and definitely golden Sterlet caviar. No! Hold fast! Let me take some more. Ah ... cunning. There is a subtle idiosyncrasy in the after-taste. You've set a trap, my friend, but I'm not stepping into it. Let me revisit this later. I'll move on to the wine. Well, champagne ... real champagne ...Cuvée Prestige certainly. Very ..very ...good and much too good to spit out! Now then, there is an intriguing ... intrigu ...”

“Mr Proudfoot?”

“Urrrg ... aaa ...”

“Mr Proudfoot? May I call you Bart?

“Uuh ...”

“I'll take that as a 'yes', shall I? Sitting comfortably, Bart? I hope so, because you'll be sitting there next Tuesday when your cleaning lady arrives. Still speechless, are we? That will be the ... um ... 'intriguing' muscle relaxant in the champagne, Bart. Lasts for ... Oh, days and days, I understand. You won't be able to move a muscle, but not to worry you'll be fully conscious. By the way, the combination lock sequence 030508? That's the date I committed suicide after I lost my restaurant, my wife, and my children, not to mention my reputation. My name actually is, or was, Brian Richardson. Ring any bells, Bart? What about a certain restaurant review labeled Probably the most damning restaurant review of the decade? Coming back to you now, Bart? No worries, I'll be reading the best bits out to you over and over again during the next few days. But first – a natural history lesson, Have you heard of Copidosoma floridanum? It's a parasitic wasp. Usually lays its eggs in the egg of caterpillar. Then the wasp's eggs start multiplying inside the caterpillar's egg – up to a thousand times! Fascinating, eh? Then the wasp larvae start eating their host alive. Caterpillar eggs ... fish eggs. How many fish eggs in two spoonfuls, Bart?”


498 words

http://www.utextension.utk.edu/fieldCrops/cotton/cotton_insects/Biocontrol/Copid...