One Hopeless Cry

I hate my life and want to die.
Why me with all of this hate on my mind?
I'm tired of trying to make it all right,
I just want to quit, disappear, and cry.
This life is too hard,
I can't handle it anymore.
The expectations,
the problems,
the stress, and so much more.

Everyone is against me,
and I know this for sure.
These people are trying to change me,
but I just want to stay me.
I can't find the real me.
Maybe she's gone for good.
But if she's not there,
Then were do I go?
I want to be kind, innocent, and sweet to all.
But I just can't seem to be that way at all.

I wish I could go to sleep
and everything would change.
But life doesn't work that way
and now I have to change.
Change is hard,
everyone has told me.
I know that life is full of them,
and I guess I'm not ready for this one.

My family says,
"It gets worse before it gets better."
But it's been getting worse
since the month of September.
If this does not get better,
I think I will die.
Since it has been worse,
I've been unable to cry.
My tears are over,
I'm tired of crying.
I think that my soul is dying.
It if is not dying,
Then why can't I cry?
When I cry my soul cries,
I cry because my soul cries.
If my soul cannot cry,
then neither can I.

All of this because of stress
that built up too big
for me to compress.
Now I suffer manic depression,
and take pills everyday.
Maybe, had I said something sooner,
I wouldn't be like this today.

For now I have to deal with all of this stress,
and try not to worry,
for maybe it's best.
In the long run it will
just make me stronger
and maybe I'll even live longer.

With all of this stress,
It is to be confessed,
that suicide is quit frequently
the topic on my mind.
I constantly wonder
what it would be like to die.
How does it feel?
Where do you go?
Do you still feel?
Sometimes it's scary
Other times I think it would be fun.

If I were to die
where would I go?
Heaven or hell,
or maybe somewhere that I don't know?
Would anyone care if I was gone?
I know their lives would still go on.
I'm not a hero.
I'm not a star.
So why would it matter
if I was here?

One less mouth to feed,
less things to buy,
less time to waste,
on one hopeless cry.