Still Dreaming My Dream

Still Dreaming My Dream

Live your Dreams.
Pursue your Passion.
I am not living my Dreams.
I am not pursuing my Passion.
How will I? How can I?

After graduating from college I thought I could finally fulfill my dream. While I was studying I decided to take up Psychology because I was very much interested in people. Not that I am a people person. I would actually say that I am TOTALLY NOT A PEOPLE PERSON. But I thought I don't have to be a people person to know more about people-thought, behavior, senses, and all. Plus, I was considering of eventually entering into a medical school which eventually vanished. It just simply went off the picture.

When I was in my senior year I was focusing on starting a career in the academe. I wanted to live an instructor's life. I basically enjoy facilitating discussions-which we always performed in our classrooms- and being a critical thinker and share whatever thoughts I have to others. And there's no better way for me to continue on doing that than becoming an instructor myself.

One popular story about a professor-student relationship made my desire to walk that path stronger. But because of the circumstances I was not able to pursue that dream of mine. I have tried out in a highly respected exclusive sectarian school for girls and was invited for an interview. I went there and talked to the head teachers but because of my religion my application was turned down. I was also invited for an interview with a training center for Koreans who want to learn English. I was hired (on the spot) but I declined their offer because of the difference between the institution's values and mine.

I waited for more than one year. Waited for an oppotunity in the academe. Waited until my patience withered. Waited until the last fiber snapped. Waited until out of nowhere I received an email from a friend in college who was wondering if I would be interested to apply for a job posting in human resources. Being a Psychology graduate and being weary and tired of waiting, I accepted the invitation. I went there for an interview with the manager and after a couple of hours I got the job. I was very excited and very happy. I was in a state of euphoria that I, being a graduate with no work experience who stayed at home for more than a year, landed a job in a very reputable company. I started the following week and started to dust off weariness and exhaustion and started to soar.

For more than a year and a half now I have proven myself to the team that I work with. They know my worth as an employee. But in this environment I walk a pointless path. I do not see myself going somewhere. I am everywhere but there's no "somewhere" for me. Caged inside my office I would most of the time feel the prisoner's weep inside me wanting to burst but I cannot do anything but seal it inside.

I then realize that this is not my dream. I am just pretending to live my dream. It was one of my options but not my dream. I now come to realize that I allowed my situation more than one year ago to push me into my situation now. I abandoned my path to follow another path. And being a wanderer in this pointless road I wonder if I can still go back to where I came from and start walking on my own path. I hope I can. I hope I soon can.