Sudden Legacy

My idiotic mistakes that only I notice,

but heart sees the eyes that are not watching.

My craving reaches to a point that I can

barely hold  on. One slip can lead me

down a path of failure and expensises

I cannot pay.  My urges make me this

way, my frail existence on this world

is not for nothing, but what is holding me

back is everything. Wrapping my mind

around the peace and standing up for

what I belief to be true is harder then

wrapping my heart around what I want

and what I want to belief is true.



Around me people smile and laugh,

they come together for the sake of

coming together yet I journey into

the unknown of my own my mind

where I cannot think straight and this

quest for the right knowledge to go by

is never going to end. i am in this

maze where every corner is a dead end

and every friend went there seperate ways,

I try to follow and yet go my own way at

the same time, it all ends in a clash

between my two worlds.



No sense of purpose but the purpose to

serve another. To clean and to be judged

through all my profanities and the messes

I have made. It is all just the beginning;

war, addictions, and depression is just the

beginning.



I can't take this much longer, the feeling

is overwhelming. Lonieness and discomfort

is what is see reflecting in my most loved

ones eyes as I stare blankly at them,

Realization speaks to me when I walk down

the school hallway alone. Interrupting laughter

and the haunting footsteps follow me where ever I go.

I could walk a thousand miles and not

escape this feeling. The piercing pain in

my throat as I swallow my tears which expand

into so much more then dieing butterflies in

my stomach.