Letting the wind carry me

         

Will you throw down the anchor or let the winds carry you?

I watch out the window, as the wind kisses the fallen leaves into a dance almost  rhythmic to my typing.  I remember days of sitting at this very computer, typing away at essays, research, and homework assignments. Treading through snow in flip flops and chaotic storms just to reach my classroom, sniffling from a cold that seems to catch me at the exact same time every year. I sigh, closing my eyes. Thinking about internships, and my grandparents telling me I need to get a "regular job" once I graduate. As I sit here at the computer, all I want to do is run away. I want to travel, backpack, see the world, document, take pictures, write, and help others...yes, mostly help others. My thoughts lead me to the rain forests of Brazil, meadows of Iceland and through the water canals of Venice. Yellows, greens, and reds of a beautiful sunset. Time just a concept floating listlessly in the starry universe. And then there's having someone to share it with. Love. Smile crinkles in the corners of our eyes, laughing wildly. It would just makes it all the better, even more colorful.

The wind dying down, the branches of the trees now just a ballet. I'm back at my desk, in front of the window. My life at a stand still, knowing that I need to figure out something soon. I'm hanging on a thread and time is ticking. I'm not cut out for this. Every day I wake up and I look at the people who seem so content on doing....this....with the rest of their life. I ask myself how can I and what will I be waking up for?  I want to escape that kind of life, but my family says I am unrealistic and  irresponsible. But they are wrong. For me it means looking at myself in the mirror and saying "Wow. Life is amazing, and you did that." I want to continually grow, to nourish myself and others until I overflow. I want to become that inspiration and openness that I am searching for. We all deserve it, to live with passion, energy, hope, joy, excitement, and love. I just wish more people realized it.