Bamboozled! It's the new show that's (unfortunately for some people) sweeping the nation! |
{A man in a business suit walks into a police station, looking nervous but determined – wringing his hands, biting his tongue, etc. A policeman is standing behind the desk.} Man: Hello – I wish to report a murder. Policeman: That’s very nice, sir. Man: What? Cop: We haven’t had one of those in a while; the boys’ll be excited to hear it. Man: But… no, I don’t think you understand. I walked into my boss’s office and he was – well – someone had shot him twice in the back of the head! Cop: Twice! Oh, splendid! No chance of it being a suicide then – I hate those, they’re so depressing. Oh – it did kill him, didn’t it? Man: Well of course it killed him! Are you going to investigate or not?! Cop: Of course we will sir, of course. And we’ll find the rotten little scumbag who did it. Man: {glances about uneasily} Good! Cop: Yes. You know it’s the funniest thing, but sometimes people will come in here to report their own crime, hoping we’ll overlook them as a suspect. I think we can rule you out, sir. You’ve obviously been disturbed by the murder. Man: Yes. That’s… exactly it. Disturbed. By the murder. Yes. Cop: But I’m afraid you’ll have to come back on Tuesday, sir. Man: What? Why?! Cop: We only do murders on Tuesdays. Man: That doesn’t make any sense! Cop: It does so! Man: It does not! Cop: Does so! You’ve got to have a schedule! We do murders on Tuesdays, bank robberies on Wednesdays, jewelry store thefts on Thursdays, household break-ins on Fridays – Man: Look, it was me! All right?! I did it! I murdered him! And you can’t do a thing about it because it’s not Tuesday! Cop: {starts to laugh almost hysterically} Man: What?! What’s so funny! Cop: Do you see that camera over there? {Pan out to see a huge camera, complete with cameraman, who waves at the man.} Man: I did wonder about it, yes. Cop: {trying not to laugh again} Sir… You’ve just been bamboozled! Man: …What? Cop: {starts laughing once more} Host: {Walks in through the station door} Let’s hear it for our victim, folks, huh? Wasn’t he a great sport! Man: But I killed him! I KILLED HIM! Host: Yes, sorry to hear that sir, say hello from me to the family, goodbye. {Shoves him out the door as he continues to protest.} Wasn’t he great, ladies and gentlemen? Don’t forget to tune in tomorrow night, when we’ll be setting up shop in the operating building for the Suicide Hotline! ~God Bless. |