Taking a 2nd Look at 1st Impressions

Taking a Second Look at First Impressions
An Essay on Neurodiversity

Imagine you are in an airport and there are ten gates, five on your left and five on your right.  You hold your ticket in your hand.  It says Gate 4 to Atlanta and you look down a hall that goes on to eternity and all ten gate signs say the same thing, Gate 4 to Atlanta; Last Call. Which to you go on?

Imagine walking through an orphanage in a poor little village in South America.  A bunch of little kids with crocheted pants and second rate donated t-shirts hold their hands out and they are all yelling something.  “Dame” (give me) and then words you can’t understand.  You have a coin in your pocket, but they all need something from you. Now. 

Imagine sitting at your desk, piles of paper in little stacks on the surface.  Sticky notes here, copies of some unfiled documents there.  Notes stuck to your computer, accordion files full of paperwork you can’t even remember why you saved.  The phone is ringing, your boss is in the hall and all you want to do is look something up on the internet that will fulfill your need for knowledge, something that has nothing to do with work.  Everyone and everything calls your name, and not one of them has “first do this” on it. 

Imagine sitting on the couch on a Saturday, piles of laundry on a chair, the kids climbing on furniture, stacks of mail and magazines on counters, carpets calling for you to vacuum, laundry left to finish, spouse on the way home and it’s just too much.  So you sit.  And stare.  And wait.  And you hope your spouse will notice you at least emptied the dishwasher.

Imagine knowing you can write beautiful music or poetry, yet no one you know can play an instrument or they dismiss your writing as just a hobby, or worse, a distraction.  Imagine being a child with a gift for understanding multiplication but you are in first grade and all the teacher cares about is how fast you can read sight words.  And each word, to you, is a new puzzle.  Imagine being able to play the piano but all the kids care about is playing baseball.  Or imagine dreaming of healing people as a doctor but not being able to grasp the math needed to get through college. 

Imagine trying your best and being told over and over that you aren’t working to your potential. Or others at work assume you are nervous, or stuck-up, or rude because your body speaks a different language than others and they don’t care to learn your language.  Besides, no one bothered to tell you there was another language everyone else was born knowing.  But you.

Imagine a workplace where being on-time is more important than caring about people.  Or imagine a classroom where coloring a picture with bright colors is more important than drawing a new invention with a black crayon, just because you didn’t appear to be following the directions. 

Imagine finding out that, all along, you had something called ADHD or Asperger’s Syndrome, or you were Gifted or Dyslexic or have some another form of learning disorder. 

Now, imagine you’ve just read all these imaginings and you see yourself in most of them.  And, you and your family have never heard of those disorders or traits. 

What would you think of yourself then?  Dumb, careless, distracted, scatterbrained, unmotivated, rude, overwhelmed, confused, frustrated, a basketcase, desperate, tired, misunderstood, angry or numb.

“So, what can we do,” you ask. 

We need to do ourselves, our children, our co-workers and our peers a big favor.  While we are learning (and teaching our children) about different races, religions and cultures in schools and communities, maybe someday we will feel comfortable teaching the different ways the human mind works and value the diversity of learning, thought, and behavior as well as the gifts each of these bring to this Earth. 

These “traits or disorders” are so very common with children and adults, we owe it to ourselves to become educated about them.  We must consider that our old views on body language, motivation, and behavior may not be so true anymore.  A man who taps his foot or fidgets may not be nervous, he might just have a song on his mind or need to move to generate enough brain chemicals to keep him interested in what you are saying.  A woman who doesn’t make eye contact with you may not be lying, she just might be uncomfortable with direct eye contact.  A child in your class who fiddles with objects while you lecture to the class might not be deliberately disrespectful, they may need to do something with their hands to be able to focus on what you are saying.  A man you are supervising who is late to work or doesn’t turn things in on time might just really care deeply about his job performance and what you think of him, but find it very difficult to prioritize the details of his job. 

We were taught to value timeliness over substance, silence over noise, productivity over creativity, and we were taught that body language was more telling than the words one speaks.  What kind of world would we live in if everyone was on-time, shallow, quiet, productive, and didn’t need to express themselves.  A monochromatic world, indeed. 

So, some night, when you are bored and just playing around on the internet, type in ADHD or one of the other “disorders” mentioned above and just see what you can learn about the gifts and diverse traits these folks have to offer as well as the challenges they have.  Do you see your spouse, your boss, your child, your parents?  Did you see a friend who, because of these undiagnosed or misunderstood traits, got divorced, got fired, ended their lives, or quit school?  Next time you attribute someone’s behavior as having some negative intent, or feel a level of prejudice about their motivation, interest, or lack of ambition based on these behaviors, try stepping into their shoes.  Try thinking for a moment that their behavior, body language, careless errors, and failings just might not have anything to do with what they think about the person in your shoes.  After all, it could be your child, spouse, or boss reading this and you are the one who could benefit from a little understanding. 

Here are some websites to start you in your exploration of some of the most creative, intelligent, resilient, resourceful, energetic, inspirational, and tolerant people you will ever hope to meet, if you take the time to learn how to look beyond first impressions.

And if that doesn’t work, consider this.  There is a high incidence of heredity in these disorders.  Someday, those who currently deem themselves normal, average, undiagnosed and unaffected by these “afflictions” will find themselves in the minority in their jobs or schools and will be in need of a little tolerance and understanding themselves.  For those of us who have been misunderstood, we see no benefit in casting stones, for each of us, deep down, can still feel the tender bruising from being consistently misread by others. 

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The following are some links I have found that look pretty broad and well respected.  There are far more out there. This is just to give you a quick start.

Some definitions and thoughts on Neurodiversity
http://www.hale.ndo.co.uk/index.htm  (really good one to start with)
http://www.wordspy.com/words/neurodiversity.asp
http://www.newhorizons.org/spneeds/inclusion/information/armstrong.htm
http://www.evolibri.com/organizational.html

On ADHD
http://www.chadd.org/
http://www.add.org/workplace_study.html
http://www.addresources.org/article_adhd_workplace_traps_nadeau.php

On Autism, Asperger’s, and Pervasive Developmental Disorders
http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=life_aspergers
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/asperger.htm
http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/aswhatisit.html

On Dyslexia and other Learning Disorders
http://www.dyslexia.com/library.htm
http://www.interdys.org/
http://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/learning_problem/dyslexia.html

On being Gifted/Talented (This is included because many with ADHD, Asperger’s, and Dyslexia may also be gifted or vice-versa. )http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/What_is_Gifted/learned.htm
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/gifted101/a/giftedtraits.htm
http://www.lessontutor.com/kw5.html and  http://www.nagc.org/