Orville the Bear

One day a Polar Bear named Orville was walking around in Japan. Orville always stayed in Northern Japan because it was cooler than in the south. He fondly remembered when he was just a small little tot, and was with his Mormon uncle named Calvin, whom he was with at the time of the incident...


The incident... I could never forget it. We were innocently walking by the shoemaker's shop, during his last moments. Off the second floor of the building was a piano rental company. One of those incredibly ignorant humans knocked the damned two-ton piano out of the window, and as always, they never even gave us polar bears a second thought.
Well, there I was, waiting for my new polar bear sized ice skates, you know, the one with the hippo design on the toe, when I heard a crash. There where Uncle Calvin was standing not two minutes before, sat a very badly damaged piano. That's the condensed version of it. I couldn't bear to tell the whole story.
Ever since then, I've been looking for meaning to my life. You know, he was my only family. As I watched the piano being buried, they buried him in the piano because of his size; a part of me went with him.
This tragedy has brought some value to my life, however. Somehow, someway, I worked through this, and ever since then, I vowed to be a polar bear rights activist. Today, I am to polar bears, what Jesse Jackson is to people, although I hope I don't come off as obnoxiously as he does, and I'm proud to announce that we have won national awareness in Japan, and the first polar bear has won the presidency in Antarctica. There is even a quota of polar bears that Japanese companies must hire by law.
Now, I'm sure that you're asking yourself the $100,000 question. How? I'll tell you how. After I was orphaned by my dear uncle's death, I was taking in by a bunch of Buddhist monks at a monastery. Well, upon my arrival, I was so pleasantly surprised to see the abbot of the monastery was... yes, you've guessed it, a polar bear.
He taught me like I've never been taught before, and before long I was an expert on the Buddhist religion. After a couple of years studying with this great bear, I achieved great knowledge in the areas of karma, dharma, and ahimsa. Thanks to him, I now know how to live a life of celibacy, though I longer practice that aspect of the great faith.
Because of him, I wrote a great many letters to those in authority in Japan, and... well, I got very few responses. However, one of the few that I did get, invited me to the Dr. Hideki show, which is apparently like the Dr. Phil show of America. After that, I wrote articles for newspapers, the only problem, is that no one spoke Polarbearean. Now, after this battle of will, they teach it in schools like a second language, and believe it or not, it is even more popular than Spanish in America- yes, I know, that is very hard to believe, especially in some parts of the country.
Now I hope that my story has encouraged all of you to fight for what you believe in. Fight, fight, fight, with every last breath, and don't forget, vote row C on Election Day, and join us polar bears in the Polarcrat Party to finally get our way!