The Painful Truth

         I looked into his eyes and the pain started to grow.  I felt the visions of blood and pain flash through my mind instantaneously.  I saw the blurry images of him screaming in agony.  I saw his beautiful eyes turn from blue to a sickening black.  I felt my dead, senseless body flinch when I was forced to see his petite body covered in blood.  I felt tears form in my eyes when I saw him twinge from a pain that not even I could ever imagine.  And then it was over, and I was looking into his eyes once again.  He saw the tears in my eyes.  I saw worry in his.
         He took his hands and put them into mine.  A spark ran up my spine.  I was blown away at the fact that he and I were touching.  Our flesh and blood were now together.  I could feel his heart beat, his blood pumping against mine.  I felt the warmth of his blood reflect off of his skin.  They were at the perfect temperature, warming up my whole body and soul.  I never felt anything as soft and as comfortable than his skin against mine.  I was so shocked I couldn’t move.  I know I wasn’t breathing steadily.  In fact, I think I was barely breathing at all.  The only part of my body that wasn’t numb was my heart.  It beat so loudly that I was afraid he would hear it, and now that he was touching me I was sure he could feel it bashing against his palms.  The worry in his eyes softened, but I could still see the concern on his face.
         “What’s wrong?” he whispered so sweetly.
         Although I had forgotten about the pain for a moment it was still there and it grew.  It wasn’t going away so easily as it had many times before.  I put my head down.  I knew that if I continued to look into those eyes there was no chance of the pain going away and that it would only grow more.  But I wanted so badly just to stare at them forever and fall into their trance, unafraid.  But I was afraid.  I felt the heavy tears slide down my cheeks when I blinked.  I wanted to let go of him and run away.  I knew that what I wanted was to be with him, but I was too weak for this.  I started to pull away, but I stopped when I felt his grip grow stronger.
         He let go of one of my hands and placed his fingertips under my chin, lifting my head so I had no other choice but to face him once again.  But I couldn’t bear to look into his eyes, knowing that the pain would only increase when I did, knowing that I would not be able to escape the horrible visions of pain when I did.  I kept my eyes closed.
         I almost jumped when I felt the soft warmth of his blood run across my cheek.  His thumb wiped away the tears that were left on the heavy bags under my eyes.  I was horrified when I realized I had opened my eyes when he had touched me.  I realized that I had made a terrible mistake, that I was now defenseless against the power in his eyes.  Immediately I was caught in his trance and there was no escaping.
         Even though at this moment I knew that I should be worried about the hallucinations that I would have to encounter, but so many questions had filled my mind when I realized that this was actually real.  Is this honestly happening? Why was he doing this?  Why is he here with me?  Why is he touching me?  What had influenced him to do this?  Could he possibly have feelings for me?  I felt happier at the possibility, but I was still horrifically confused, and once again I was frozen in place.  He never liked me.  Ever since I met him, I’ve liked him, but I always knew that he would ever in a million years like me back.  Was this a joke?  I suddenly felt depressed beyond words because this had to be a joke.  I was 100% sure that he has never and would never like me.  This was a dream come true, and not one of my dreams has ever come true.  Why should this one?
         “Why are you crying?” he asked.
         When I saw the concern in his eyes I suddenly felt hope.  I guess I was only 99% sure.
         “Nothing, it’s nothing,” I had finally got up the courage to say to him.
         He stared into my eyes again and repeated, “What’s wrong?”
         I felt a vision cover my sight, forced to only watch and even hear him scream.  I was brought back almost too soon and answered, “Why?”
         I didn’t know if I was asking, “Why is this happening?” or “Why are you doing this?” but I knew which one he would answer.
         He hesitated, looked away giving me a breather and answered, “ I’m sorry.”
         It wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but then again I didn’t really know what I was asking for in the first place.
         “Sorry?” I repeated, “For what?”
         “I was never there for you, not even as a friend…” he paused for a moment.  I could see pain in his eyes, as if he was experiencing his own vision of pain, but then turned and looked back into my eyes, ”I love you.”
         I felt every last drop of blood in my body run cold.  Visions flashed in and out of my mind.  My breathing had come to a complete stop.  My wide, worried eyes never left his.
         “Are you okay?  You don’t look so good…“ he rambled on.  I couldn’t pay any attention to him.  My head was spinning out of control, having the illusions of blood and pain coming in and out of focus.
         “I don’t understand,” he spoke gripping my hands tighter, “I thought that you liked me too?  I thought that we could be together?”
         I could only nod at his remark.  I’ve always liked him, always wanted to be with him.
         He smiled, as if he was relieved, “That’s good.”
         He got serious again and he moved closer to my face, “Something had come over me the other day.  When I saw you I- I just felt so different toward you.  Something was different.  I realized how… how beautiful you were,” I felt my heart jump, “I saw how wonderful, how funny, how cute you are,” he chuckled and looked away for only a moment,” I cant believe that I was missing all this.  I’ve been friends with you for years and I feel like such a fool for not even giving it a thought.”
         I was sure that how I was feeling at this moment was the closest thing to being dead.  I wasn’t breathing and I felt the pressure on my lungs get hard and stiff.  The beating of my heart slowed to a pace that I couldn’t keep up with and I wasn’t thinking at all.  The only thing I was seeing in my head was the visions getting stronger and stronger, more painful every time.
         “Amalia, I want to be with you.  I want to be with you every moment of every day, seven days a week.  I never felt anything like this ever before.  Never have I felt like this toward anyone, not one person I’ve ever met.  I really believe…” he paused,” that I’m in love with you.”
         He was so close to my face that the pain in my stomach was unbearable, yet I was so numb that I couldn’t move even the slightest bit.
         But then, his eyes closed and he moved in closer.  The pain in my chest turned to stabbing, then just plain bloody murder.  I felt his warm breath reflect off my skin as he moved in for the kill.  I felt tears of pain rush down my cheeks for even though I knew what was to happen in less than a moment, I almost didn’t want to think of what was going to be the consequence- and then I felt it.  I felt his lips land on my skin, I felt his heartbeat, his breathing, his everything- I felt him. The lips he placed on my fragile cheek were spurting with such a sensational, good feeling.  But all too soon, I felt something else.  Something I knew was coming.  I felt pain.  Pure pain.  I felt nothing but it.
         My eyes shut tight and my whole body felt nothing but throbbing, stinging, and stabbing.  I couldn’t scream.  I couldn’t because I knew if his parents heard me they would come in, and I didn’t want that.  I controlled myself and held it in.  I felt my teeth grind together as a substitute.  Tears were instantaneously streaming down my cheeks.  I grabbed my stomach as if it would help, but it just kept aching.  I realized that I had fallen to my knees, and I was silently sobbing on the floor.  It was so horrifically unbearable that the only thing I wanted at this point was death.  And then, only moments later, I felt a hot, wet substance come creeping up my throat.  I coughed and the liquid spurt in the air.  As soon as I saw its bright, red color I realized right away what it was and I felt the blood run down my chin and drop down into the carpet.
         I didn’t notice at first but he was crouching down beside me.  I had nearly forgotten that he was even there.  He looked so worried.  I never saw him so concerned in my life.  His hands were on me, but I couldn’t pinpoint where he was touching me, because all I could feel was sheer pain.  He was talking to me, I only noticed because I saw his mouth moving.  And then I focused on what he was actually saying.  I waited until finally the sound of his voice came to me.
         “What’s wrong?  Answer me!  Are you all right? What’s happening?” he repeated over and over again.
         I couldn’t answer.  I didn’t know if I would be able to control myself if I opened my mouth.  I was almost certain that only a scream would come out of it.  I just looked down and stared at the stained carpet again, in defeat.  I didn’t know what else to do, but sit there and wait for it to pass.
         Suddenly, I saw his blurry figure get up in a hurry.  And I knew that at this very moment where he was going.  He was getting help.
         Forgetting the pain all around me, I jumped up and grabbed his arm.  For every muscle I moved, it felt like someone just sliced each and every one of them in half.  It was insufferable, but I continued to reach out anyway.  I was surprised when I found myself actually holding onto him.  He had stopped in my response and turned to look at me. 
         I couldn’t believe it but I managed to let out, “Stop.  Wait.  Don’t.”
         He looked at me and then kneeled down beside me like before.  I let go of him and the pain was actually receding.  I could finally breathe a little more steadily.  But then he placed his hand on my shoulder and the pain grew again and the flashes of nightmares returned.  I fell backwards staggering away from him.  He reached out for me but I darted backwards.
         “No,” I said to him, realizing the pain was almost entirely gone now that I was away from him.
         “What?  Why?” he said back to me, “What’s going on?”
         “I just… I just cant,” I stammered.
         “What cant you do?  Why were you in such pain?”
         I knew what my answer would be, but I didn’t get up enough courage to say it.  Instead I just started bawling.  My head fell into my hands and I felt my tears fall into them.  There was no pain, no visions, but just pure sadness.  He was the one I always wanted and this was the one chance that I actually had him.  It wasn’t a dream.  In fact it was a nightmare.  He actually liked me and wanted me, but this pain is too unbearable.  I knew that if I chose to be with him, that I would die from this.  I would die from him.  I knew that for every time I would think of him, or see him, or feel him, that all I would really be thinking of would be pain.  All I would see is pain.  Everything I felt would be pain.  Ultimately leading to my painful death.