Inner struggle of the highest caliber! |
Worn Determination… My own reality is full of private lies; I want a life that’s true for I am in disguise… I cannot live like this – it pains my very soul; I now am lost – abandoned – feeling not quite whole. Dear God! Why is this choice I’ve made so very hard? Perhaps I’m blessed, but my soul burns – it feels charred… I think myself a brainless dolt of lower class; Dark thoughts engulf – hurt feelings – shards of broken glass. I cannot speak – I will not talk – I cannot share; As much as I would love to there are none who’d care. I cannot understand myself! So how can Thee? I drown in misery – a lock without a key… With worn determination I press forward – lost; Compelled inside I move ahead at further cost… And like a fool I stand alone in sickness – rapt; I stand in hollow shadows feeling oh so trapped. Thy Kingdom is emerging – yet, it’s out of reach; I pray with such strong fervor as I beg – beseech! And still I stand alone with my undying trust; But not in me, ‘tis Thee who reigns – the One so Just. It does not help me just to know that You exist… My life has made a cruel sharp turn as I persist To do – to help – encourage dreams – to pray in vain; I sink into a harsh abyss – where few are sane. Yet still, as always, I come back and speak with You… I stand in shame – just horrified of what I do! And still I aid and do and pray and carry on… But my heart sinks within my soul – I’m inward drawn. There’s nothing else to say – no prayer to make this end; I wish I knew which truth was true as I pretend That all is well and all is fine within my being; I’m short of sight – illusions keep my soul from seeing. My own reality is full of private lies; I want a life that’s true for I am in disguise… I cannot live like this – it pains my very soul; I now am lost – abandoned – feeling not quite whole. |