Once Upon a Parody....

Looking over some old documents, I noticed this little story that I only vaguely remember writing.


Sleeping Beauty


Once upon a time, there was a housewife who had a beautiful baby girl. She asked all the nurses in the ward to watch the birth, but unfortunately forgot to invite one of them, who was a bitter old witch, with a capitol B, if you know what I mean. She came anyway, but as she passed the baby's incubator, she said:
"When you are sixteen, you will injure yourself with a curling iron and die!"

"Oh, no!" screamed the mother in horror.

A good nurse quickly called the supervisor and ordered the grumpy old coot to be fired. That way, when the baby grew up, she wouldn't have to worry about crazy old ladies sending hexes her way.

The years went by, the little girl grew and became the most beautiful girl in the whole highschool. Her mother was always very careful to keep her away from curling irons, just in case, but on her sixteenth birthday, Rose wandered through her house and came into a room where a relative was fixing her hair .

"What are you doing?" she asked her Aunt.

"I'm curling my hair. Haven't you seen a curling iron before?"

"No. Let me see it!" The woman handed the girl the iron ... and she burned herself with it.

"Ouchie mama!" Cried Rose who had a serious burn on her left hand. The scorch mark was immediately infected, and the young girl was put into a coma by her doctor, just a precaution so it didn't get any worse.

"When will my daughter waken?"

"I don't know," the doctor admitted sadly.

"But you put her in the coma!"

"Well...I'm not really a doctor....I'm a rapper."

"Will it be in a year's time, ten years or twenty?" the mother asked irritably.

"Maybe in a hundred years' time. Who knows?" said the rapper, taking off his lab coat and revealing platinum jewelry.

"Oh! What would make her waken?" asked the aging housewife.

"Music," replied the doctor/rapper. "If a man of pure heart were to sing to her, that would bring her back to life!"

"Wait! She's dead?!"

"No! I meant to say that she would wake up, dogg."

The mother cried so much, and so heart-broken was she that, a few days later, had to take an ibeprofin. The sleeping girl was taken to her room and laid on the bed surrounded by garlands of flowers. She was so beautiful, with a sweet face, not like those of the dead, but pink like those who are sleeping peacefully. The rapper sang to himself,

"When she wakens, who is she going to see around her? Strange faces and people she doesn't know? I can never let that happen. It would be too painful for this unfortunate girl."

So the doctor/superstar gave the rest of the hospital sleeping pills; nurses, doctors patients - all fell into a deep sleep, wherever they were at that very moment.

"Now," thought the rapper, "when the girl wakes up, they too will awaken, and life will go on from there." And he left the ward, now wrapped in silence.

Not a sound was to be heard, not even a mouse. Nothing moved except for the clocks, but when they too ran down, they stopped, and time stopped with them. Not even the faintest VOICE was to be heard, only the air conditioners blazing at full blast and the rustling of the plants in the lobby.

The hours sped past. On the hospital grounds, everything stayed the same. The bushes didn't change, thick and straggling as always, the grass invaded the courtyards and the creepers spread up the walls just like it has always done. In a hundred minutes, a dense forest was still a dense forest.

Now, it so happened that a young man arrived in these parts. He was the son of an important lawyer with an amazing singing voice and a pure heart. Young, handsome and melancholy, he sought in solitude everything he could not find in the company of other men: serenity, sincerity and purity. Wandering in his trusty Jeep Liberty, he arrived, one day, at the hospital. Being adventurous, he decided to explore it. He made his way through slowly and with a struggle, for he was barefoot( his shoes got soiled in a puddle of mud.) A few minutes later, now losing his socks too, he was about to turn around and go back when he thought he could see something through the window . . . He pushed back the blinds . . . Wonder of wonders! There in front of him stood a door with high doorknobs. The young man stood stock still in amazement,
"I wonder who this horseshoe belongs to?" he thought, holding up the footwear he found on the ground. He tossed it away with a shrug.
The young singer walked through the door and on towards the lobby. The door was open and, holding his pants up by the belt loops, he went through the door marked as, "Men's Room". Immediately he saw the inhabitants draped all over the urinals, the stalls and sinks, and said to himself,

"Good heavens! They're dead!" But in a moment, he realized that they were sound asleep. "Wake up! Wake up!" he shouted.

"Shut up! We're trying to sleep!" Shouted one of the men who had awakened.

A few others grunted and went back to snoring.

Still thoroughly astonished, he went into the lobby and again discovered more people, lying fast asleep on the floor. As though led by a hand in the complete silence, the man finally reached the room where the beautiful girl lay fast asleep, thanking the crazy rapper man for leading him to her. For a long time he stood gazing at her face, so full of serenity, so peaceful, lovely and pure, and he felt spring to his heart that love he had always been searching for and never found. Overcome by emotion, he went close, lifted the girl's little white hand and gently sung Rihanna's Umbrella song to her . . . "Under my umbrella ella ella, eh, eh under my umbrella ella ella ehe he eh eh eh eh."

At that verse, the girl quickly opened her eyes, and wakening from her nap-like sleep, seeing the man beside her, murmured:

"I hate that song!"

The girl rose to her feet, holding out her hand to the man. The sudden noise caused the entire hospital to waken, and everyone was very grumpy and rather P'Oed.

A few days later, the hospital that only a short time before had lain in silence, now rang with the sound of singing, music and happy laughter at the great party given in honor of person who kicked the man in his butt for singing an annoying song. The girl, who met a homeless man and decided to settle down, finally got over her sickness. They lived happily ever after, as they always do in Texas, not quite so often, however, in hospitals.

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Haha! Pretty bad, huh? I must've been stoned at the time. I think it was from about 2 years ago. I read the original and subbed in words. Ha! I was so clever. Yeah, so pretty bad, eh?