Department of Homeland Incompetence

The oddly assembled group of animals sat around a campfire in the darkest part of the forest.

A beaver stood up swatting its tail against a rock, calling the meeting to order.

“Alright everyone, settle down. Welcome to those of you that are here for the first time. There are coffee and pine cones over by the giant stump. Are there any new comers here tonight?”

A small dog raised his paw and said, “My name is Rover and I have been placed on the terrorist watch list.”

“Hi Rover!” all of the others said in unison.

The beaver said, “Welcome Rover. Tell us what happened.”

“I got out of my yard last week and accidentally chewed up my neighbor’s newspaper. It turns out that he is a high-level FBI guy. The next week, I tried to catch a flight to Phoenix and found out I had been put on the Terrorist Watch List.”

“Thanks Rover. Bob, did you have your paw up?”

“Yes. My name is Bob and I have been put on the terrorist watch list.” The big elk paused for a moment before continuing. “I was living on some protected land up north. They started drilling for oil illegally. When I tried to catch a hop into Anchorage to tell someone, I found out I was on the list.”

“How about you Phyllis, we haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“My name is Phyllis and I have been put on the terrorist watch list. As a pigeon, it’s part of my job description to relieve myself without regard to location. Last week, I hit a republican. The next thing I knew, I was on the list.”

The beaver shook his head. This was going to be a long night thanks to the Department of Homeland Incompetence.