League of Pedagogery

INT. LEAGUE OF PEDAGOGERY - DAY

Two men (JOHN and ALFRED) and two women (CHELSEA and PATRICIA) sit around a table. Alfred speaks in a chairman-like manner.

ALFRED
...and so we’ve decided, John’s mother is a whore.

JOHN
Hey!

ALFRED
Our next topic: How many lesbians can fit in a box if each one--

PATRICIA
Now now, wait a second.

ALFRED
The council elect recognizes one Patricia Woolsley.

PATRICIA
I would just like to bring up rule 345 B, if I may.

ALL
Rule 345 B: In any discussion one must disagree with the other members of said discussion or else a discussion cannot be had.

CHELSEA
Amen.

ALFRED
And your point is Patricia?

PATRICIA
Well, we just passed a rule saying that John’s mother is a whore, correct.

ALFRED
Indeed.

PATRICIA
But it was passed unanimously! One MUST disagree!

ALFRED
A good point. Which one of us will disagree?

CHELSEA
How about John? It is his mother after all.

JOHN
But my mother is a whore.

CHELSEA
Well, can’t you just pretend to disagree?

JOHN
I suppose.

ALFRED
Very well. All in favour as John being elected as the one who disagrees...

ALL
Aye.

ALFRED
Well then... Wait. Someone needs to challenge.

PATRICIA
How about Chelsea?

CHELSEA
But wait, rule 496 C through F.

ALL
Rule 496 C through F: All rules made are final, and cannot be challenged.

CHELSEA
Amen.

ALFRED
And we just passed that rule... damnation!

JOHN
You know, I never did like that rule. I vote to change it!

ALFRED
All right, all in favour of changing it?

ALL
Aye.

ALFRED
Damn!

PATRICIA
Wait, we can’t pass it anyway, the rule can’t be changed until the rule is changed.

JOHN
That’s true.

ALFRED
All right, until rule 496 C through F is changed, rule 496 C through F shall not be challenged, agreed?

PATRICIA
Sure.

CHELSEA
Sounds good.

JOHN
No!

ALFRED
Oh, thank Jesus.

JOHN
No, I’ve just had it! I’ve had enough of this bullshit!

PATRICIA
Rule 9,864 says that...

John Bursts out of his chair.

JOHN
I don’t care! I don’t care what the godamned rules say! Is this honestly the best way we can spend our time? Spending every afternoon arguing for hours over rules for the very arguments we’re having?

Silence.

ALFRED
Well... yeah.

JOHN
Oh. Okay. I was just wondering.

John sits back down again.

ALFRED
Alright. Good meeting everyone. Let us close this meeting with Rule number One A.

ALL
Rule One A: Rules are awesome.

CHELSEA
Amen.

All get up and leave.