My most recent worries

So certain I was, of the future that I wanted. So certain I was of the future that I am working for. But now, my soul is too tired...yet my mind, keeps pushing. Pushing merely because I am afraid of how I will feel if I do not pursue my goal. Or, pushing because I am afraid of what others will think. Others that expect so much of me. What will they think if I pursue something less of a challenge. I know I will feel unaccomplished. At the same time though, I am afraid. I am fearful of pursuing my goal and of accomplishing it. Just now, working hours and hours everyday, I feel myself breaking down...I can see myself breaking down. Imagining how much worse that would be if I go the hard way in life scares me. The fact that my illness cannot handle it is finally making itself known to me. The fact that it may get in the way of the career I dream of frightens me. Yet, makes me feel like it is giving me a break, letting me have a chance to find something else. But what? I cannot imagine.