I Trust

All around me, waves crash loud against my gaping wounds, my scars, burns that would soothe in the skin, but never leave the soul. The soul of the beast where I lingered.
Below I, the beast, hear the screams of betrayal and of agony.
I, the beast, can almost see their wretched bodies twisting
But with strange lack of care I, the beast, pull myself to my crippled feet
And I within myself stumble for the hope that long ago I'd lost.
Such hope a soul as cold as mine had lost.

So careless I had been to be hurt too many times
And I had lain in regret for far too long.
The creature or weakness I'd once been had fallen far behind
And the one in its place, a form of shadow, Cold as ice
Yet raging fire. A form tormented and battered by years
Of another mistake, another heartbreak, another, another.
Another life injured by her. She'd never been good enough...
Not on her own. Slowly the figure stumbles in the pale wash

I myself, my weakened bones broken as the fragile glass they were
My pale lips quivering as they ached to release a wail,
A single call to signal the inner torment. But such was silenced.
Inside of this torment and whirling chaos
My new reality.

How was it they could break past the ice?
How could my eyes guide them to their core
Begging them to release what was within?
Inside I pray. I lie dying, screaming, bleeding in deceit
The betrayal that had oozed as honey from my lips
Now poisoning me as I gasped for my last breaths.
Pitiful and writhing, as naked and helpless as when
This wretched being had first entered the earth.

But then these glassy windows close and I feel a sharp chill.
It was all too familiar.
Another heart was being wrenched helplessly by this animal I'd become, weaving a web these creatures were too caring to resist.
A thought as crippling as the blows that had shattered my bones.
I fall to my knees as the blood trickles from my scalp. The weight of my own consquences was being pressed into my shoulders, as sharp as thorns.

And just when hope was lost, there dimmed a spark.
Through this cowering animal of a girl gleamed a glint of defiance as the wretched beast wailed in agony. For the first time, it crumpled in a heap to the floor, sobbing.
And what were those? Voices? Faces?

Through my despair I felt tears sting. Through what I had done to them, they were all there. My mother. My group of four friends that had toiled endlessly in bringing me back to life. To what I could be. The woman who'd sat in the rocking chair, nodding calmly as my stories had flooded out. There were even the faces of those I had once considered foes, twanged with what looked like regret. Bitterly sorry for what they had caused me to become.

Suddenly, slowly, I am coaxed back to the light. Slowly the warmth fills my chest. They drag my limp body to a place of shelter...

Inside of me, my demonic refuge had done nothing. All along, the answer had been clear. Even now the screams ceased, and for the first time in over two and a half years, I drifted quietly to sleep with a slight smile playing the corners of my lips.