Snowflakes (Part 2)

They say I am living a perfect life. Well I say the opposite. On November 14, 1995, my daughter was diagnosed with keratitis and soon, she could be blind. My name is Michael Anders and this is the continuation of my story.

A few weeks after the diagnosis, I found myself working overtime in my clinic to earn more. One day, I was already preparing to go home when a woman and a little girl entered. The woman happened to be my college best friend, Roxanne Crenshaw. It took us at least a couple of hours to catch up and I learned that the little girl is her daughter. When she asked me about family, I recalled my daughter's illness.

As I knock on my doorstep, I have not stopped thinking if I heard Roxanne right. She told me that she is, like me, already a doctor, and coincidentally, an ophthalmologist. She then offered free consultations for Alice's treatment. I even believe she mentioned the word "entire" before treatment. Well, this might just be another reason why many people are still envious of me.

Alaina was again not at home and only a babysitter opened the door for me. When the babysitter has left, I went directly to my daughter's room.

She was painting.

The canvas was, as usual, placed over the carpet and she was sitting on the floor. I gazed at her artwork and was not able to comprehend what exactly she was illustrating. Shades of various colors were blended in a disorderly manner. However, I must admit, her painting still looks good.

"Alice."
"Dad," said Alice. "I did not notice you."
"You're almost done, aren't you?"
"Yes, Dad."
"I assume that's an abstract painting."
"And why?" said Alice in a seemingly disappointed tone.

Alice was then looking at me directly in the eyes. The way she looked at me, it was as if she was asking me to take back what I have just said.

"Dad, It's a park in Manhattan."

Then, I realized that green paint was indeed dominant in her artwork. Nevertheless, it did not come close to what appears to me as "a park in Manhattan".

"Ah! Yes, of course," I replied. "Maybe I shall start wearing glasses. My eyesight must be dimming."

At that point, Alice was still staring at me before she continued with her work. Something inside me told me that I saw some tears filling in her eyes. And yes, droplets of tears found their respective spaces in the canvas. I never thought that the disease could progress this fast. I should not have said that my eyesight must be dimming because obviously it is my daughter's eyesight that might just be beginning to say goodbye.

Before I could sleep that same night, my daughter Alice went to my room.

"What is it Alice?"
"I can't sleep," replied Alice. "Where's mom?"
"I don't know. Do you want me to read you a story?"
"No. I'm not a child anymore."
"Oh, I almost forgot that. Okay, if you don't want me to tell you some story, I guess you must go to sleep now."

Suddenly, she turned away and led herself to the door. Before she could leave my room (supposedly my wife's room too) completely, she changed her mind.

"Could you tell me a story about mom?"
"A story?"
"About why you married her."
"And why? Do you think we did a funny move?"
"Because you always quarrel. I just wonder how the two of you ever got along with each other."

I do not know if it was just me but indeed, her statement really surprised me. It was not exactly the kind of sentence that comes out of a young girl's lips. Alternatively, I also thought that maybe, I have not just realized the fact that my daughter would have always noticed how unhealthy my relationship with her mother was.

Even so, the night was indeed too short for me to tell my daughter everything.

"The story starts some ten years ago. I was all drunk (Of course I didn't tell Alice that I was drunk.) and lonely (for the reason that my special friend left for Europe, a fact I did not think I should indicate in my story), when I saw a promotional poster of Alaina's performance in an uptown theater. I was stunned by her beauty and so I decided to watch her concert. By then, I realized I've become crazy about her. I even made my way backstage. And I stress, I actually brawled with a couple of security guards. That's how desperate dad is! I used to be a robust guy, if you were wondering."

All of a sudden, I finally noticed that my daughter has gone fast asleep. Nonetheless, I chose to continue my reminiscing.

Backstage, I saw Alaina chattering with a couple of supporters. I then grabbed her in the arm and introduced myself. She did not exactly like what I did so I ended up evicted from the place. Then, I realized, I might have already fallen in love with Alaina. So I decided that the next time we meet, she will know just that.

So after about two years of working deliberately hard to advance my career, we met again. I already had my own clinic then. She was, on the other hand, already a very popular recording artist. I courted her for a while and then, yes, I married my dream girl. I actually proposed during one of her concerts. However, I do not really know if she truly fell in love with me.

I actually still do not know if she has by now.

All that was important to me then was that I was bringing home the girl I have been so crazy about.

We spent our somewhat "romantic" honeymoon in Paris, a place where I thought I would meet an old friend. (I recall that she was axed from endorsing a clothing line because she canceled the shoot of her new commercial to get herself to fly to Paris.) In Paris, we doubtlessly enjoyed the service of Hotel Ritz and the oddness of their food. She would even sing her sweet ballads to lull me to sleep when I could not because of excitement about the City of Lights. She would always wear tinted sunglasses to avoid the paparazzi. We even got to drop by the Louvre where we were astonished by the splendor of the European masterpieces. (I instantly recalled that I once planned bringing Alice to the museum someday.) We also walked around the Eiffel Tower to take loads of photos but unfortunately, a pickpocket managed to run with our camera. Upon realizing it, my wife screamed at the top of her voice, eventually unleashing to the fellow tourists that I was actually in the company of some Hollywood star. Before the sightseers-turned-fans could crush her to death, we immediately made our way out of their visibility.

We were also able to visit the Notre Dame Cathedral and silently pretended to have a renewal of vows. When I asked her to bear me a child during our honeymoon, she refused because she was "a star in the peak of my career". But not long after, for a reason she did not told me and I never got to fathom, she agreed and even told me that she has decided to end her singing career.

*****

The next day, we went to Dr. Roxanne Crenshaw's section in the hospital, for Alice's consultation. It went out okay, from the point of view of someone who never really enjoyed ophthalmology in medical school. In the middle of the procedures, I recalled an appointment set during that day so I had to rush to my clinic to settle that. When I returned to the hospital, I saw my daughter playing with Roxanne's daughter, Michelle. When the sun was already setting, I told Alice that we had to go home but she hesitated because she was having a real good time with Michelle.

After a long process of persuasion, Alice finally agreed to go home at around ten in the evening. While we were on our way home, she told me about how nice Michelle and Dr. Crenshaw were to her. She even confessed to me that she asked Roxanne if she could call her doctor aunt. Before she would sleep, she told me that Dr. Crenshaw mentioned that Roxanne and I were friends in college. Alice then asked me to tell me stories about my young adulthood (which she called college life) with her ophthalmologist.

"I met Roxanne Lois Crenshaw in my first year in high school. We became classmates for four years but I coud not actually say that that began our friendship. We were just civil but then ---"

Oops. My daughter has fallen asleep already. Well, she really exhausted herself playing all day, after all. However, I thought it would not hurt if I would go over my grubby and wornout diary kept inside the toolbox under my bed.

Indeed, it was already humiliatingly filthy. In the first few pages, I saw photographs from my high school graduation and even those from our prom. Suddenly, every memorable moment seemed to have come back.

For a reason I have already forgotten, I asked her to be my date to the prom in our senior year. The next year, when we coincidentally went to the same college, I thought it would be nice if I would start befriending her. From then on, we were always partners in seatworks, discussions and in crime. We enjoyed sneaking inside the stockroom and hiding the favorite broomstick of the infamous janitor. We were thrilled with the semi-annual and highly discouraged ghost hunting. We joined secret organizations which aimed to either legalize cigarette-smoking in the campus or behead our department's very own "terror teacher".

One moment I instantly recalled is the time when Roxanne and I thought of having our first kiss --- together. If we did or did not do so, I would not tell you. Suddenly, I also realized why I asked her out during our graduating year. It was because I had a crush on her since high school and in the middle of our stay in medical school, I was convinced that I was in love with Roxanne.

Nevertheless, sometimes, destiny plays a trick on us. Before I could confess to Roxanne, she has left the country to go to Europe --- to study. If you think that stopped me from loving her, you are wrong. After gaining my license, I used all my savings to go to France and be with her. However, sometimes, when destiny tricks us, it tricks us big-time. After six months of staying abroad, I went back emptyhanded --- without money and without her. She would write me letter but I decided never to read them. There was nowhere else for me to go but depression. I worked hard to buy prohibited drugs and hardcore beverages. I could feel my body saying "No!" but the worse thing was I could not feel my soul.

Yes, it was Roxanne. She was the woman I loved ten years ago --- the woman I loved before Alaina.
*****
I spent the next day in my clinic and when I have arrived home, I saw Alaina wearing her high-heels. I suddenly realized that I have not seen her in more than a couple of days. She was wearing an elegant red cocktail dress that I have never seen before. When she saw me, she started hurrying and made her way to the door.

"Alaina," I said. "Where are you going? Do you have a date?"
"A date?" she replied. "I do not."
"So where are you going? Oh, why am I asking? Of course, you're meeting that Blaine guy."
"Could you stop talking like I'm cheating on you?"
"Well, aren't you?"

Then she turned away. I grabbed her so I could see her face. She was indeed wearing the same old red lipstick she used during our wedding.
"This isn't going nowhere," said Alaina. "I've got to go."
"Why don't you answer me, once and for all? Where are you going?"
"I'm going to look for money!" exclaimed Alaina.
"Aha. So, this guy is your solution for your petty money problems, huh?"
"You know, Michael, don't push me too hard!"
She again started walking away.
"Well you're the one pushing yourself away."
Then, she stopped.
"Do you trust me?" asked Alaina.
It took a while before I could answer. I wanted to say "Yes, because---"
"No." I said authoritatively. "I do not trust you anymore."
"Then, I think, I've heard enough."

At that point, she already left completely. And maybe, forever.