Two Halves

She stood perfectly still knowing that if she moved, the anger would explode from her skin and she wouldn't be able to control it. She kept her mouth shut and felt the tears begin to well up. Anna has felt like this before, so she was confident that this time wouldn't be any different from the others. 

    Her heart was pounding. It wouldn't slow down. A million thoughts ran through her head. She wanted to say all of them. Each would be painful and cause the person they were directed at to plummet in self worth.

    Anna Lahey didn't feel this angry all the time. Most of the time she felt what she considered to be normal - a passive feeling content to sit around and watch TV for hours. However, when this feeling started in, she had the initial thought of being crazy. There is no way normal people could feel as angry and out of control as she felt. There is no way that any person could get so angry over something so insignificant. And no amount of reasoning could calm Anna down. Only time away from the situation would calm her nerves and her heart.

    The particular situation Anna was trying not to break over involved laundry. It was eleven o'clock at night and she had just finished her homework. After starting a load of work and school clothes for the following day, Anna quickly started up the stairs to her room. She had seen her mother's face and knew it was a mood greatly worth avoiding.

    Just as Anna reached the landing at the top the stairs, her mother called out to her.

"Anna, what are you doing?" Susan Lahey asked accusingly.

"Going to my room to get ready for bed," replied Anna in an attempt to avoid what she knew was coming next.

"Why did you start a load of laundry?" Her mother stood there with one hip out and a cigarette waving in the air. "You know it's too late."

    Anna rolled her eyes and sighed quietly as she turned to face her mother from the top of the stairs. "I had to start a load, I have nothing clean to wear and I have work tomorrow." She said this while looking down at her clothes as if to emphasize to her mother the necessity to do laundry. She was wearing a pair of khakis, one of three, which she was required to wear as part of her school uniform. It was covered with pencil smudges from her art class. Her red collared shirt looked tired and wrinkled and smelled like the fast food joint she had spent time in earlier that day.

    Regardless, Susan looked at her and said, "That's too bad, you'll just have to wear dirty clothes tomorrow."

"But Mom!" Anna screamed, "I have spent all day doing homework and chores and didn't have the chance to start laundry cause Andrew had his clothes in the washer!" She began to feel the temperature rise in her cheeks.

    Her mother always found a way to argue with her over pointless things. It was as if she needed to assert control over Anna when no control was needed. She received good grades in school, was always too afraid to do anything the mother said not too and was as morally right as the mother demanded. Anna was the perfect child, but there was always something to pick a fight over.

    Her little brother Andrew could throw a fit over anything and get his way no matter what. No matter how many times their mother said no, Andrew would keep going and reach his goal. Of course most of that pushing involved him acting like a four year old throwing a tantrum - feet stomping and wailing included.

    Usually antagonizing Anna's mother ended up in a two hour secondhand smoke session on the back porch where a lecture was given about how the mother was always right. Attempting to say anything in her defense usually made the senseless drama go on longer.

    However, Susan had just finished her most recent smoke which meant they would be allowed to talk like adults on the couch in the living room - sort of.

    "Come down here right now," said Susan. So I can yell at you some more said her face.

    Anna began clenching her teeth as she calmly walked down the stairs. She always tried to put on a show and look more composed than she really was. After years of playing the pride game, Anna hadn't figured out it didn't work. She stopped crying while being spanked when she was little, which just resulted in more spanking.

    Release the jaw, thought Anna. If I don't, it's gonna kill me tomorrow, she continued.
Anna knew if she didn't get her jaw relaxed she wouldn't be able to eat the following day. She was surprised her cheek never got in the way when she bit down. Chances are she would bite right through it. Then she'd have a bloody mess her mother could get mad at.

    Anna walked over and faced her mother eye to eye. Anna stood an inch taller than Susan, so their eyes almost matched perfectly from where she stood.


(work in progress...)