GOAT (Greatest of All Time)

    Once while a man sat admiring the beauty of the world he became distracted by a woman. The wind blew, the grass grew and this young man saw all of it, he saw the field behind the scoreboard; if a strip of grass the size of a train car could be called a field. Above the grass a bee flew, a cat crawled, a flower bloomed and the manure stank. Naturally the boy was not alone, no man claims loneliness at a Baseball game.
    Soon over the loud speaker a noise hit each mans ear and in unison the crowd said, "Charge". Then they said it again and for good luck once more. The young man charged not. Looking at the field he focused on a blue bird eating a worm, then a bee stung the bird and this made the young man smile.
    He spoke to the beasts over the left field wall, "this too is holy."
One row behind the young boy sat a woman. When it was time she also charged not, and her gaze burrowed into his neck, for more than an hour she sat and stalkingly stared like a prepubescent boy at his first peep show. Yes she admitted that she stared at this particularly homely boy with mismatched socks green sweat pants and a red shirt. She cannot understand, at this moment, why she kept staring. She rolled her eyes at this obtuse little boy, and asked herself-why doesn't he notice me staring? Then she asked more questions; what does his face look like? Why is he dressed like Santa left for dead on the moon for thirteen years? Why is he talking to himself? The young boy bounced his leg, as his stomach sent a reminder that eating was always the right choice.
    "Hot dogs!" said a vendor. To the boy the food looked like the most beautiful thing in existence. It does nothing in this life but sit, look good, and then give people pains in their heart. A man sitting on the end of the row behind him took the hot dog and passed it to his son wearing an oversized ball cap, who passed it to his mother, who passed it to HER.
    To the young man she looked like the most beautiful thing in existence. First he noticed that her leg bounced like his, then that leg became two, then the legs became a magnificent body, and finally he looked at her face. This girl cloaked by a long tight skirt was Helen of Troy thrice more enticing.
    And she speaks, "hi"
    He says...nothing.
    She says, "Why aren't you enjoying the game?"
    He says, "I am. Besides..."
Intruding his sentence she says, "It is impossible to enjoy a game if you do not watch it."
    He says, "not uh."
    She says, "Hard to disagree with that, logic says I must respond with yeah huh." That argument so true, pure, and sexy aroused him. Could it be that a beautiful woman has such logic? He asked himself bewildered, confused and stiff as an iron.
    He spoke again, "Ok so how do you do it?"
    She grinned and said, "What look so good?"
    He thought yes, but said, "No how do you enjoy a baseball game?"
    "Don't you know?" The scoreboard changed from the sixth inning to the seventh and the crowed once again in unison stood. She slapped the young man hard in the arm. No movement until with a shrug he stood up. The crowd sang ‘take me out to the ball game." She sang so soft that no one heard her sing, and he felt nauseous.
She said, "Sing"
    He said, "How high?" And they both rolled their eyes. From a small distance they look like any other couple cohesive and deeply in love, but neither knew why.
                                                    ...
         Later, when the game became tied in the ninth inning the boy remembered a dream he once had.
         He said to her, "I spent some time a lone...ya know? Learning things and all of that."
         She asked him, "So?" Immediately the young man's face turned red. He knew almost all things, many languages, but he never learned how to act around a woman.
         He said, "I studied in a cave not far away. Wanna come?" As he spoke a juiced man launched a grand slam and the baseball game ended.
         She said, "uh ok" Then he looked away from her for one bleak moment and had this screaming thought: ‘I will never recover.' Then she pulled her skirt up drastically, and he recovered.
         So they left together awkwardly holding hands taking that long and rugged descent back into the cave.