Afraid I want to be direct, I want to be true to myself with this. My dreams are stricken with doubts and regrets. The girl I fell in love with is now a woman. The boy she fell in love with is now a man. We are a world apart. I am lost in my own thoughts, never knowing, but always wondering, if we could make it work again. I don’t know where my life is going but I don’t want to be consumed by these vices I have indulged in. I need something to guide me, I need motive. A reason to get up in the morning, a reason to get out. I need a goal. My life has to mean something. I need something to live for. Living for the sake of life is pointless in my mind. I need love. Hate I can live with. I need sanity. The animal suits me, but I deteriorate under its strain. I need change. Yet I fight it with tooth and nail. I need stability. My scattered life must be collected and rebuilt. I need the strength to be true too myself and others. I don’t want this to go on anymore. This misery. I don’t know how to survive this. They think I can whether any storm. I brood storms that challenge my sanity and my will to live. Fuck this anger that rises in my Throat. I need a reason to live I need a reason to fight I need to channel this Rage I need to find myself I need a way out I need to get through this hell This Self Induced hell This horrifying trip This Mind Fuck My restless mind needs something to attach to. Do I need this pain? Is that why I can’t give it up? Do I have nothing else? Self-destruction induced by necessity Burning down your house, so that you can find a new place to live. Becoming an addict, just to get rehabilitated. Exhausting yourself so that you can get some rest. Show me my fucking fate. |