A Question of Love chapter one

                                          A Question of Love

Chapter One

 
    Lexa stood at the window gazing through the webbed wire mesh that lined the panes looking out to the courtyard below. After five years of confinement in the state hospital she was finally going to be released. All she had to do was make it though the morning and one final session with Dr. Connelly. “Funny but somehow I thought that I would be more excited when this day finally arrived,” Lexa said aloud to no one in particular.

    “You getting out of here? Oh…that’s not good. That’s not good at all. You can’t trust the people out there. They’re all crazy you know,” a middle-aged woman dressed in a hospital gown and blue slippers replies.

    “Don’t pay any attention to Stacy. She’s been in and out of here so often we’re thinking of installing a revolving door,” Marsha joked.

    Lexa turns to look at the aide. “I know but she is right about one thing. I can’t trust anyone out there.”

    “Dr. Connelly is waiting for you Lex,” Marsha said, choosing to avoid dealing with Lexa’s last comment.

    Lexa turns to look out the window one last time. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves and nodded her head. “Okay Marsha, let’s go.”

    Lexa followed Marsha down the familiar set of passages from her ward on the third floor west wing down to the doctor’s private offices on the main floor. Marsha knocked lightly on the door before opening it. She motioned for Lexa to go on in. Dr. Susan Connelly looked up from her desk. “Ah Lexa…please come in. Sit down.”

    “So today is the big day. Are you nervous?” Dr. Connelly asked.

    “I guess maybe a little,” Lexa admitted.

    “That’s normal. Honestly I would be surprised if you didn’t feel a bit apprehensive about leaving the hospital after being here as long as you have. Is there anything in particular that you are feeling nervous about?” the doctor asked.

      “I don’t know. I mean I just don’t want to screw up, you know?” Lexa replied.

    “I understand but Lexa you have come a long way since you have been with us. I for one, think that you are ready. Of course it isn’t like we are just throwing you to the wolves. You will have Dr. Grant to help you make the adjustment,” Dr. Connelly pointed out. Lexa nodded her head but did not look up from her hands as she twisted each finger in turn popping the knuckles of her left hand.

    “Miss Kline has informed me that you will be starting college in a few days. She said that they have set you up with a small apartment just off campus,” Dr. Connelly began.

      “Yeah, she said it’s only ten minutes away from the school and that there is a bus that passes right in front of the building that goes into down town,” Lexa replied.

      “Good. Have you thought about what kind of a job you will be looking for?” the doctor asked.

      “Well my scholarship will pay for my tuition and books but I will have to find something that can pay the bills and leave me enough time to study and keep my appointments,” Lexa answered. “I might try to find something like in a restaurant or bar where I could make more with tips and work fewer hours,” she added.

    “That sounds like a reasonable plan. You do know that in order to keep your scholarship you will have to maintain at least a C+ average in all of your courses?” Dr. Connelly asked as she took off her glasses and began to clean them.

    “I know, plus I have to keep my appointments with Dr. Grant and the probation officer or I get sent back,” Lexa added.

      “I realize that the past five years have been difficult for you but at least they were spent here in the hospital and not in the state penitentiary. If you violate your probation or fail to adhere to any of the conditions of your release you will be serving the rest of your sentence out behind bars Lexa,” the doctor warned. “I hope I do not have to remind you what that would mean?” Dr. Connelly asked.

      “No, you don’t need to remind me. Believe me Doc; there is no way I am going to screw this up. I got too much to loose,” Lexa said.

    “Good. I am glad to hear it. Well then I will wish you good luck and hopefully I will be seeing you at the hearing in a few months,” Dr. Connelly said as she stood up and offered her hand to Lexa. Lexa shook the doctors’ hand then turned to leave.

    Outside the door Marsha was waiting to walk Lexa back to her ward. “How did it go?” Marsha asked.

      “Okay I guess. I think she just wanted to remind me what would happen if I mess this up,” Lexa answered with a shrug. 
   
“You won’t mess up Lex. I know that getting back together with Chris is the most important thing in the world to you. I’m not saying it will be easy but I know you can do it,” Marsha said.

      “Thanks Marsha. I needed to hear that,” Lexa replied with a slight grin.

    Back in the ward Lexa went to her room to take one last look around. Five years was a long time to have spent in an insane asylum but in an odd sort of way it had become her home. The staff and even the patients had become her surrogate family. After all Lexa was only fifteen-years-old when she first arrived at the hospital. In the time that she had spent there she had graduated high school and even attended a few college prep classes via the work-study center. These classes were attended over the Internet but it was enough to earn her the scholarship to Northwestern State.

    As Lexa took a final look into her dresser to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything Marsha came in. “Are you just about ready?” Marsha asked.

    “Is Miss Kline here already?” 

    “Well yes and no. Yes she is here but we have a little surprise for you before we let you go,” Marsha said with a devilish grin.

    “I’m not sure I like the sound of that,” Lexa laughed.

    “Come on. Leave your bags. I will send Jerry in to take them out to the car for you,” Marsha offers.

    Lexa picked up a small plastic picture frame off the dresser. She tenderly caressed the photograph with the tip of her finger before tucking it safely into her jacket pocket. “Okay, I’m ready to go.”

    As Lexa followed Marsha out to the community room an explosion of cheers greets her. “What the…?” Lexa laughed.

      “It isn’t every day that someone gets out of this place, especially someone who has been here as long as you have,” Marsha teased. Gathered in the community room were all the patients from the third floor’s west wing as well as a large number of the hospital staff. They have decorated the room is streamers and balloons to which at least one patient was busy talking with great intensity.

    Lexa shook her head. “You didn’t have to do all this.”

    “We know we didn’t have to. We wanted to. Believe it or not some of us are going to miss seeing you around the ward,” Marsha teased.                                           
   
    “Who would have thought all those years ago when I first arrived that you of all people would ever be saying that?” Lexa laughed.

    Lexa and Marsha had gotten off to a bumpy start. At first Lexa was so angry to be there that she refused to cooperate with the staff in any way. She even had to be physically restrained on more than one occasion to keep her from hurting herself or anyone else. Marsha had bore the brunt of Lexa’s rage more times than either of them liked to remember. As time passed and the treatments began to work Lexa became more like her old self. She was quick to point out the irony of any given situation and often had the staff in stitches with her antics. Lexa figured if everyone thought she was crazy she might as well act it, at least part of the time. More often than not her high jinks were the result of boredom and prolonged captivity than anything else. Once the staff began to realize this they were able to laugh at the unpredictable stuns that she pulled around the ward. In time they even began to look forward to them.

    As the party drew to an end Marsha walked Lexa and Miss Kline out to the car. “Take care of yourself Lexa,” the woman said as she reaches out to fondly embrace Lexa.

    “You too and Marsha, thank you for all you have done for me. You made being here a lot more bearable,” Lexa replied.

    Lexa and Miss Kline got in the car and start to pull away. In spite of how much she had hated being in the hospital Lexa could not stop herself from turning to look back as they drove away. “Don’t look back Lexa. You’re future lies ahead of you now,” Miss Kline instructed. “I am so proud of you for all you have accomplished. Getting accepted to Northwestern State is not easy task but landing that full scholarship…well you really worked hard to get here,” she added.

    “Now all I have to do is not screw it up,” Lexa added as she gazes out the window at the scenery flying past.

    The miles roll by in silence. At last Miss Kline turns to glance at the young woman at her side. “Lexa, I was wondering, now that you are free are you planning to try to see Sidney again?”

      Lexa is quite for a moment. “No, I don’t think so. Like you said, Sidney is a part of my past. All I want now is a chance to start over somewhere that everyone doesn’t know my entire life story, somewhere that I can build a new life,” Lexa answered. 

    “Good. I am glad that you have finally given up on this,” Miss Kline sighed.
   
    “It not like she wants to see me anyway. She never once came to visit. In five years you know how many letters I got from Sid? One, that’s how many,” Lexa said with a tinge of bitterness in her voice.

    “We’ve talked about that. I think it was just too painful for her. She didn’t know how to deal with it all. You have to remember Sidney was just a kid at the time,” Miss Kline pointed out.

    “Yeah, so was I,” Lexa mumbled as she turned back towards the window.

    As they pull up in front of the small apartment building Lexa craned her neck to look up at it. “Here we are. The landlady’s name is Alice Hawkins. She knows about your past and what you are hoping to achieve. She’s a nice woman. She can help you if you get into a tight spot,” Miss Kline began. “She might even be able to suggest a few places to look for work,” she added as they got out the car.

    As they walked up to the front door it opened. A woman in her mid-fifties wearing an apron tied round her waist stood wiping her hands on a kitchen towel. “Miss Kline, so good to see you again. This must be Alexandria. Hello…come in, come in,” Mrs. Hawkins said warmly. “Wait right here. I will get the keys for you,” she added before hurrying into an apartment right off the entrance on the main floor.

      “Awful perky isn’t she?” Lexa whispered.

      “Give her a chance Lex. She’s just nervous,” Miss Kline whispered back.

    “Here we go sweetie. This one opens the door. This is for the deadbolt and this little one is for your mailbox,” Mrs. Hawkins explained as she held up each key. “Now then, if you need anything, anything at all I’m right down stairs. You just come knock on my door anytime of the day or night honey,” the older woman said affectionately.

    “Thank you Mrs. Hawkins. I will certainly keep that in mind,” Lexa said with a faint smile.

    “Lexa come on up and I will show you the apartment,” Miss Kline called as she starts up the steps. “It’s nothing fancy but it is clean and safe. Mrs. Hawkins keeps an eye on everything that goes on around here. It’s close to the campus and as I told you before the number 11 bus stops right at the corner and runs into town,” Miss Kline added as she stopped in front of the door. “Well, here we are. Would you like to do the honors?” she asked as she held out the keys. Lexa took the keys and opened the door.
   
    Miss Kline had been right about one thing. The place was no palace but still it was a far cry better than the state hospital. The apartment was small but it had two bedrooms, a living room and a small eat-in kitchen area. The furniture was mostly items purchased at a thrift store and none of it really matched but it was reasonably clean and would have to do until Lexa could afford to get something better.

    Lexa was startled when she heard a door close behind her. She turned to see Mrs. Lauren standing just inside with her arms full of grocery bags. “Oh shoot! I was hoping I would get back before you got here,” Melissa cried. Melissa sets the bags down on the counter that divided the kitchen from the living room. She went to give Lexa a hug. “Well, what do you think?” she asked. Before Lexa could answer the older woman continued on. “I know it might not look so nice now but we can get this fixed up in no time. All it needs is some new curtains, a few rugs and little touches to warm it up.”

    “I didn’t know you were coming up. You didn’t have drive all this way,” Lexa said.

    “Are you kidding me? I think I have been looking forward to this day for as long as you have. Aren’t you excited Lexa?” Melissa asked.

    “Yeah, sure I am. It’s just…going to take me a little time to get use to the idea that this is really happening.”

    “I hope you don’t mind I went to the store and picked you up a few things. You’re going to need some new clothes for school and job interviews. I put them in your room on the bed if you want to take a look,” Melissa said as she starts to unpack the groceries.

    “I can see that you are in very capable hands so I will be going now. Don’t forget to call Dr. Grant first thing tomorrow and make an appointment to see her. You also need to check in with the probation office in town and give them your new address and phone number,” Miss Kline said.

    “I don’t have a phone number yet but I will go down to see them tomorrow afternoon,” Lexa answered.

    “Oh yes you do…have a phone number I mean,” Melissa interjected. She reached into her purse pulled out a cell phone and handed it to Lexa.

    “Mrs. Lauren I can’t let you do this for me. You’ve done so much already,” Lexa protested.
   
    “Nonsense. Now you take this phone and use it. How else am I supposed to be able to reach you?” Melissa asked with grin. Lexa took the phone and thanked her.

    After Miss Kline left Melissa suggested they go sit down in the living room and talk. “Are you doing okay honey?” Melissa asked.

    “Sure,” Lexa shrugged.

    “No. I mean really,” Melissa pressed.

      “I’m a little scared,” Lexa admitted.

    “That’s natural. I assume most young people just starting out on their own are.”

    “Maybe but they don’t all have so much riding on it. If I don’t make it, it’s not just me who will suffer for it,” Lexa said.

    “You’ll make it. I know you will. You just wait and see. In a few months time you will have a steady job and things will look a lot brighter after Chris comes back,” Melissa said reassuringly. “It might not be easy but you’re right. There is a lot riding on how well you do living on your own. You just keep reminding yourself what you have to look forward. If nothing else that should be enough to keep you out of trouble,” Melissa added with a wink. “Well, I have to go. It’s a long drive back to city and I want to beat Jeremy home. I left some money on the counter to get you though until you can find a job. Don’t argue with me. If you need anything you just call and I will be right back up here,” Melissa offered.

    “I don’t know how to thank you,” Lexa said.

    “You don’t have to thank me. I’m glad to finally be able do something to help you out. ” Melissa admitted.

      “So where is Mr. Lauren at today anyway that you want to beat him home?” Lexa asked.

      “He had to give one of the girls a ride somewhere,” Melissa answers evasively.

    Once she was left alone Lexa reached into her pocket and pulled out the small plastic picture frame. She gazed at the photo for a moment before setting it on the table beside the sofa. “I will be seeing you again soon,” she whispered.